[Jessica Hazlitt]

How do you deal with intrusive thoughts of T?

This is new to me. Okay I think about him from time to time in a variety of ways, but the last week or so I just can't shake it, its driving me bammy! I can't think of anything in life that's new or different that could cause it, but I need it to stop. I need to sleep! Any pointers?

[DP_2017]

Honestly there isn't really much other than trying to distract yourself with other things. It doesn't always work. I'm doing better these days with this, because I am feeling better about things with my T... but every single day I still think of him often. I still miss him. I'm not sure it can ever really "go away"

As awkward as it may be, you may have to talk to him about it as well

[Ididitmyway]

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it.

Once you start having intrusive thoughts about the therapist, it means your therapy has entered the sad (IMO) transference stage.

One thing that has a slim chance of making this situation better is if you talk to your therapist about it and if they take it seriously and explore these thoughts with you extensively and also if they show appreciation of your courage to talk about it. So, under those conditions, MAY BE (and it's a big "may be") the thoughts won't be as intrusive as they are now. But the chances are they still will be intrusive.

I don't claim that I "know" exactly how this works. All I know is what I know from my own experience and from what other people have been saying about their experiences.

IMHO, when therapy ends the transference stage, in most cases, it goes downhill from that point on, sorry for the gloomy forecast. Some people may have different experiences with this, so they might strongly disagree. I am just giving my perspective.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it.

Once you start having intrusive thoughts about the therapist, it means your therapy has entered the sad (IMO) transference stage.

One thing that has a slim chance of making this situation better is if you talk to your therapist about it and if they take it seriously and explore these thoughts with you extensively and also if they show appreciation of your courage to talk about it. So, under those conditions, MAY BE (and it's a big "may be") the thoughts won't be as intrusive as they are now. But the chances are they still will be intrusive.

I don't claim that I "know" exactly how this works. All I know is what I know from my own experience and from what other people have been saying about their experiences.

IMHO, when therapy ends the transference stage, in most cases, it goes downhill from that point on, sorry for the gloomy forecast. Some people may have different experiences with this, so they might strongly disagree. I am just giving my perspective.

My T and I have spent the last couple of years taking about my feelings for him very openly (I'd have though I'd be past this stage)It is difficult, but some interesting stuff has come out of it. This is new though, especially prolonged. My worry is we seem to have so many balls up in the air at the moment, and there's a good chance come next May that my time will be up and will have to leave. If we start taking about this too its just another potential open wound to be left unresolved. Normally I wouldn't hesitate to bring stuff up, but (especially as up until last session T was taking about 'maybe' ending then changed to 'we have until May') I'm really feeling the clock ticking. I don't want to make ending worse than its going to be.

[LonesomeTonight]

Is it possible that this is coming up *because* you're worried about the ending? Maybe it would help to address those fears with him? THat you won't get through everything before May?

[DP_2017]

LT

You have a good point, while I think it's common in general for attachment to have this issue, I think in this case, you might be right.

I can't deal with the thought of my therapy ending and I don't have a date. If I fixate on it, I start to pull away and get more defensive... so everyone might react different

OP, maybe bring this up.

Although I think this may be an issue you have long after therapy, it seems to be hard to "Get rid of" so to speak

[BudFox]

What helped me was to recognize that the intrusive thoughts were a sign the process had become destructive. This took the burden off me, and put it where it belonged.... on the dysfunctional therapy relationship.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Is it possible that this is coming up *because* you're worried about the ending? Maybe it would help to address those fears with him? THat you won't get through everything before May?

I was going to say "no because we had an 'ending' before", then that was going to be because I wasn't......'around' anymore. So it maybe didn't bother me the same because I going to have to deal with the consequences? I dunno. It wasn't so bad yesterday. Met with friends for a day out. I also wondered if feeling a little isolated could be the reason?

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

LT

You have a good point, while I think it's common in general for attachment to have this issue, I think in this case, you might be right.

I can't deal with the thought of my therapy ending and I don't have a date. If I fixate on it, I start to pull away and get more defensive... so everyone might react different

OP, maybe bring this up.

Although I think this may be an issue you have long after therapy, it seems to be hard to "Get rid of" so to speak

Aye, thinking about the end is completely unbearable honestly, makes me sick to my stomach. After our ending that turned out to be just a long break (and after reassessment for continued place with T) it took much longer than expected to actually get an appointment. I eventually caved and contacted him. It was an ordeal and that's when I had hope of going back. Also T said that when clients time runs out with charity before they've finished, he'll offer to see them privately. However he immediately said I wouldn't get that offer (which I thought a little cruel).

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by BudFox

What helped me was to recognize that the intrusive thoughts were a sign the process had become destructive. This took the burden off me, and put it where it belonged.... on the dysfunctional therapy relationship.

I don't think it's dysfunctional, but I need to have a word with him. You reminded me that he said something last week that kinda p'd me off (but I forgot as was a busy session). I had got stuck, dissociated and couldn't answer three question he was asking. Getting stuck happens every so often so it wasn't new. He said something like 'if we can't talk then we should stop using touch' (even though he knows the touch helps me stay rooted and not shut down etc). He then went on to say that I was eliciting threats in the other. To me it felt like when I'd been beaten up at school and asked what I'd done to deserve it. We'd previously been working on ways around the dissociation,maybe he's given up.