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Old 08-03-2018, 06:23 PM #1
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Default i must have ruined my therapy

I think telling my therapist about all the sexual and love feelings made him resent or hate me or become disgusted by me.

I didn't hold anything back, but I knew the whole time it was transference. i thought that is what i was supposed to do.

reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/comments/
5s9s2x/therapists_reaction_to_erotic_transference
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Old 08-03-2018, 06:49 PM #2
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

I would hope as a therapist he would be ready for that...it's a pretty common situation.
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Old 08-03-2018, 07:20 PM #3
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

sadly they don't all handle it well. it's unfortunate. there is no supposed to... you are advised to tell them but you don't have to. I'm sorry it didn't go well for you
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:34 AM #4
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Thanks. I realize it's not my fault but had a momentarily lapse back into that damn state of powerlessness.

He didn't let me be myself. My parents didn't let me be myself, the person who I was meant to become. The abuse and neglect were atrocious. I thought i could discover myself in therapy, but he did not accept my feelings and in effect crushed my newly found autonomy.

I asked him repeatedly what happened to the therapy. He never gave me a reasonable answer, so if I want an answer, I don't have much choice other than to try to figure it out here.
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:49 AM #5
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by guileless View Post
Thanks. I realize it's not my fault but had a momentarily lapse back into that damn state of powerlessness.

He didn't let me be myself. My parents didn't let me be myself, the person who I was meant to become. The abuse and neglect were atrocious. I thought i could discover myself in therapy, but he did not accept my feelings and in effect crushed my newly found autonomy.

I asked him repeatedly what happened to the therapy. He never gave me a reasonable answer, so if I want an answer, I don't have much choice other than to try to figure it out here.
—if you r talking about gushing out feelings about the therapist, he or she may be trying to quash them fastest by giving the cold shoulder. That is classic behavior modification. Just don’t go there. If they oo and ah over it, on one level they r encouraging that path when u need to switch to another one FAST.
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Old 08-04-2018, 10:38 AM #6
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Was in this situation and then analyzed it on my terms, and concluded that it's a form of institutional abuse and exploitation... provoke strong feelings in client, coax out (implicitly or explicitly) disclosure of those feelings, then reject client in some fashion.
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Old 08-04-2018, 10:50 AM #7
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvyrself View Post
—if you r talking about gushing out feelings about the therapist, he or she may be trying to quash them fastest by giving the cold shoulder. That is classic behavior modification. Just don’t go there. If they oo and ah over it, on one level they r encouraging that path when u need to switch to another one FAST.
No, it happened over a period of years rather than gushing out feelings. I never made the relationship more than it was or expected him to reciprocate. He did not say I couldn't talk about the feelings but it seemed to cause negative countertransference in the end.

Fixing the link from my post above: Therapist'''s reaction to erotic transference : psychotherapy

This is a conversation by therapists about negative feelings they have about clients who have erotic transference.
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Old 08-04-2018, 10:56 AM #8
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

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Was in this situation and then analyzed it on my terms, and concluded that it's a form of institutional abuse and exploitation... provoke strong feelings in client, coax out (implicitly or explicitly) disclosure of those feelings, then reject client in some fashion.
Sorry you were in a similar situation.

I'm close to concluding any problems were due to his own issues, but knowing this rationally doesn't resolve it. We had a major rupture and although I tried to work through it, I never went back and just decided to end abruptly.

I thought I was over it, but it (how his behaviors or feelings affected me) keeps seeping back in. I'm in this strange limbo where I want to get past it and put it behind me, but at the same time, feel I need to work it out with him to get past it.

At other times, it's like a rollercoaster where sometimes I think I can figure it out myself; then other times I think I need to resolve it directly with him. I'm a the point where I'm trying to decide whether or not to resume the therapy to resolve the issue. The risk is that I could be worse off from doing so.
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Old 08-04-2018, 12:42 PM #9
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
Was in this situation and then analyzed it on my terms, and concluded that it's a form of institutional abuse and exploitation... provoke strong feelings in client, coax out (implicitly or explicitly) disclosure of those feelings, then reject client in some fashion.
I'm not a regular in this forum but I saw this and thought, yeah, can apply to any transference. And is a form of abuse, and exploitation. Also institutional betrayal because the notion that it is "safe" to feel and express your feelings in therapy is now a lie.

Maybe it applied more in the old days when blank slate psychoanalysis was about the only therapy.

But definitely not now.

So sorry, you are still dealing with this stuff. I'm still dealing with horrible feelings, too.

My issue was more idealization, not love, and not sexual. But I don't think you ruined the therapy -- it was ruined, the therapist was ruined, before you got there. What's lost is. . .something else. . .wishes, beliefs, etc. that it would be different, maybe. Maybe another therapy could help with that, idk. But I've found more help on PC, with other people who feel, and have been, betrayed in different ways, even though I tried several T's since my last therapy ended 2 years ago. Therapy, and the idea of therapy, mostly turns my stomach these days.
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Old 08-04-2018, 07:16 PM #10
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Default Re: i must have ruined my therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by guileless View Post

At other times, it's like a rollercoaster where sometimes I think I can figure it out myself; then other times I think I need to resolve it directly with him. I'm a the point where I'm trying to decide whether or not to resume the therapy to resolve the issue. The risk is that I could be worse off from doing so.
I figured it out on my own, and to me that is the point. None of the therapists I saw had any great insights, about anything, and ending the charade with these phonies and neurotics was the answer. Seems one risk of re-engaging is tapping into a bottomless pit of thoughts and feelings, and where does it end. Main issue for me is therapist cut me off before I could finish telling her what a mess she'd made and how I felt about that. I think this was the only therapeutic part, because by talking back to her, the hierarchy was dissolved. She could not stand it, and that was the end.
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