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Old 06-26-2018, 08:58 PM   #1
Bluebellacotta
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Default I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/feelin

I written about this before. But my story is that Iíve been seeing my psychologist for a year plus. Heís youngish maybe 33-35. Heís attractive to me. I understand transference and countertranference. I also understand that clients can start thinking that their therapist likes them when they donít.

I thought this when I first started, but I have a few theories. I should also note that Iím studying psychology myself, just started and I havenít told him.

In my last session. While I was talking, he slowly ran his hands through his hair. He had a fresh cut, it was short, there wasnít any hair out of place. I had stopped feeling uncomfortable months ago due to me thinking he was cute. But it happened again. He didnít do it once, maybe three or four times and the eye contact - to me- seemed slightly sultry. Very very slightly...seductive that I had to look away.

My theory is that he knows thatís preening, but it seems conscious. Iím in sales and right before a customer has asked me out, they run their hands through their hair but nervously and I know itís coming. This seems deliberate. I donít mirror because I donít want to. But I note his cheeks are blushing, itís cold as well. He could be frustrated but heís not short with me.

But as he does it, all I can think of is what is he doing. And when I leave, for the first time in a long time. My face was hot, but I donít think he could see because of my makeup.

A few sessions ago he asked or in a way (the way I took it) was that maybe I was dependent or used these sessions to get a kick. I sometimes think that he does.

Any thoughts? And Iím aware it could be me wanting to see something. But itís bugging me
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Old 06-27-2018, 04:17 AM   #2
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

You seem very astute at reading body language/expressions etc. I have similar abilities that i didnt really realize were heightened until a couple of yrs ago.

Im curious if you had a parent(s) who was often & unpredictably violent ( whether physically or emotionally )?

After some realizations took place, i discovered that this is why i automatically "read" people in the manner that i do.

Im sorry that i dont have anything to offer as to your original query, but i felt compelled to comment on the impressive read.
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:43 AM   #3
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

in the early days of therapy with my ex-T, i noticed him running his fingers through his hair quite a few times during different sessions. and during these brief moments, i experienced it as if i was seeing a 'younger' version (teenage?) of my T and, just for that moment, i could sense he was not really fully in the 'T zone'. to me, it seemed more like a nervous reaction or thought to what i had been discussing at the time and it seemed almost innocently flirtatious in nature too. i am not sure if he really was aware that he was dong it, but it did make me wonder if he was having some kind of 'erotic' counter transference towards me.
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Old 06-27-2018, 08:59 AM   #4
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

Quote:
Originally Posted by koru_kiwi View Post
in the early days of therapy with my ex-T, i noticed him running his fingers through his hair quite a few times during different sessions. and during these brief moments, i experienced it as if i was seeing a 'younger' version (teenage?) of my T and, just for that moment, i could sense he was not really fully in the 'T zone'. to me, it seemed more like a nervous reaction or thought to what i had been discussing at the time and it seemed almost innocently flirtatious in nature too. i am not sure if he really was aware that he was dong it, but it did make me wonder if he was having some kind of 'erotic' counter transference towards me.
Thanks for the response. Iíve been and now over the roller coaster of transference. And I had this crazy theory before. The reason I thought he might be doing it on purpose is one: Iím really insecure and couldnít accept that it might be attraction and two:I initially cane to him because I emotionally cheated on my boyfriend and maybe it was to recreate what Iíd done and bring attention to it.

But I think itís the simplest explanation that, as you said, he was not in his T zone which he sometimes drifts out of. I always felt like I needed to control myself or really exercise control and understand that it all ends in the room and the mind plays tricks. But I also felt like I was watching someone open up overtime and it was a bit intimidating. Iím not saying he was or is unprofessional, he just got under my skin and I didnít want to show it
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Old 06-27-2018, 09:02 AM   #5
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZEN218 View Post
You seem very astute at reading body language/expressions etc. I have similar abilities that i didnt really realize were heightened until a couple of yrs ago.

Im curious if you had a parent(s) who was often & unpredictably violent ( whether physically or emotionally )?

After some realizations took place, i discovered that this is why i automatically "read" people in the manner that i do.

Im sorry that i dont have anything to offer as to your original query, but i felt compelled to comment on the impressive read.
thanks for your input. I hope Iím good at reading people.
Yeah my mother was unpredictability violent both physically and emotionally.
I think I watch people a lot more than I talk to them. I should tell my psychologist that actually
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Old 06-27-2018, 09:43 AM   #6
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

The hair thing is a classic sign of attraction in body language terms... though it might be a sign that he fancies himself

I think that this kind of body language tends to be unconscious and not intentional. In my experience men tend to be much less subtle with flirting!

It's an interesting question though - how does a therapist's desire affect the patient's journey through his/her own desire for the therapist. From papers I've read on the subject, it seems that the client's progress (of getting over/through the desire) often stalls when both parties are struggling with unconscious processes. This suggests that a therapist's desire towards their patient, and whether they are actively 'dealing' with it (either in their own therapy or supervision) can have an impact on the client's progress. Meanwhile the stalling in progress is put down to the client's 'resistance' to the process. This could go on for years and all the while the client is totally oblivious... unless they are good at reading body language!
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Old 06-27-2018, 10:20 AM   #7
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

My t led me on.....big time....you can pm me if you want to hear what happened.
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Old 06-27-2018, 04:37 PM   #8
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebellacotta View Post
thanks for your input. I hope Iím good at reading people.
Yeah my mother was unpredictability violent both physically and emotionally.
I think I watch people a lot more than I talk to them. I should tell my psychologist that actually
When a skill is learned at a very young age, it becomes exceptional in most cases due to the learning ability at play. Some kids learn the piano, a 2nd language or how to golf at toddler age & then become amongst the best/fluent.

Some of "us" learned how to do this other kind of stuff, im pretty confident that you are exceptional at sales.
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Old 06-27-2018, 08:31 PM   #9
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaVicar? View Post
The hair thing is a classic sign of attraction in body language terms... though it might be a sign that he fancies himself

I think that this kind of body language tends to be unconscious and not intentional. In my experience men tend to be much less subtle with flirting!

It's an interesting question though - how does a therapist's desire affect the patient's journey through his/her own desire for the therapist. From papers I've read on the subject, it seems that the client's progress (of getting over/through the desire) often stalls when both parties are struggling with unconscious processes. This suggests that a therapist's desire towards their patient, and whether they are actively 'dealing' with it (either in their own therapy or supervision) can have an impact on the client's progress. Meanwhile the stalling in progress is put down to the client's 'resistance' to the process. This could go on for years and all the while the client is totally oblivious... unless they are good at reading body language!
Itís a hard one. All that Iíve read points towards telling him and working through it. But I feel in knowing that loving, sexual feelings can be a ďside affectĒ of therapy Iíve just put it down to that. But if I ever told him, Iíd feel as though it would be put it back onto me. I think I spent a long time thinking he was this villain because I also found him attractive and felt he played on it. I actually think it was my way of putting the blame on him and not owning up to the fact I understood how I felt but still went back to him. Then again, I also think that had I just owned up to it, then everything would make sense to everyone

But I always felt like I was responsible for how I felt. But thereís a whole lot of guilt, I broke up with my boyfriend while he was helping me. Now I think a lot about him.

I feel like Iíve bonded with him now. Itís not like heís super nice to me or we are friends, if anything Im Sometimes indifferent to him to keep my attraction at arms length. But I trust him. But my mind freaks out when he deviates a little from his role
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Old 06-27-2018, 10:25 PM   #10
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think heís inducing these thoughts/fe

I'm male, and had a female therapist who did things to provoke me... body language, tone of voice, and one time did a subtle cleavage reveal when i walked in. She already knew at that point I had feelings for her.

I think it was not about me, it was her way of getting attention and praise. Maybe was unconscious. It was all disgustingly manipulative and there was nothing healthy about it and nothing to be gained.

I bet many therapists are junkies for client worship and longing, and use the therapy space to get high as a kite, even if they don;t know they are doing it.
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