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Old 06-28-2018, 04:51 AM   #11
Bluebellacotta
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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I'm male, and had a female therapist who did things to provoke me... body language, tone of voice, and one time did a subtle cleavage reveal when i walked in. She already knew at that point I had feelings for her.

I think it was not about me, it was her way of getting attention and praise. Maybe was unconscious. It was all disgustingly manipulative and there was nothing healthy about it and nothing to be gained.

I bet many therapists are junkies for client worship and longing, and use the therapy space to get high as a kite, even if they don;t know they are doing it.
I can see what you mean. Have you watched Gypsy? I think you may not like it or it may be upsetting but I think the main character in the show has this issue
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:26 AM   #12
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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It's an interesting question though - how does a therapist's desire affect the patient's journey through his/her own desire for the therapist. From papers I've read on the subject, it seems that the client's progress (of getting over/through the desire) often stalls when both parties are struggling with unconscious processes. This suggests that a therapist's desire towards their patient, and whether they are actively 'dealing' with it (either in their own therapy or supervision) can have an impact on the client's progress. Meanwhile the stalling in progress is put down to the client's 'resistance' to the process. This could go on for years and all the while the client is totally oblivious... unless they are good at reading body language!
thanks for this info, it is very validating for me. there was a lot of stagnation in my progress in therapy and i have always wondered and suspected that it was because of my ex-Ts 'feelings' (conscious or not) for me. when i was tired of my therapy stalling, i did bring it up and discussed it directly with him and this resulted in him retreating (pulling away from me) and changing the boundaries without any discussion with me. it lead to one of our biggest ruptures and me eventually taking a six week break from therapy. i eventually brought it up again over a year later and talked of the rupture and what lead to my break and that is when he realised he had 'f@#cked up' and he apologised for mishandling the situation. i think he was hoping we could then address and work on that issue, but all i was seeking was the apology. The session after that, i told him it would be my last and that i was terminating.

when my therapy kept stalling before that rupture, similar to what you said, the blame was put onto me, but my gut kept telling me otherwise. it was incredibly frustrating and that is the only reason why i finally gained the courage to confront him. i was hoping for a much better outcome then the one i got. he definilty was not the mature T that i thought he was at that time. the experince definitely opened my eyes and forever changed my personal goals and direction in therapy.
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Old 06-28-2018, 02:34 PM   #13
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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I can see what you mean. Have you watched Gypsy? I think you may not like it or it may be upsetting but I think the main character in the show has this issue
Thanks, no have not seen it.
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Old 10-04-2018, 01:27 AM   #14
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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The hair thing is a classic sign of attraction in body language terms... though it might be a sign that he fancies himself

Really? Hmmmm..... I'm attracted to my new T and I was playing with my hair and looking at it a lot in my appointment with him. Do you think he knew I was attracted to him based on that? Or has suspicions? I don't normally play with my hair (he doesn't know my mannerisms either because this was my first appt with him).
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Old 10-05-2018, 02:05 PM   #15
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

So get a woman therapist. This is supposed to be about YOU so try to focus on yr own issues or give them a bill for analyzing THEIR problems. So many people are obsessing about their therapists. If we cant even keep our focus on ourselves in therapy, how can we focus on whatever is the task at hand in any life transaction?
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Old 10-05-2018, 04:53 PM   #16
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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So get a woman therapist. This is supposed to be about YOU so try to focus on yr own issues or give them a bill for analyzing THEIR problems. So many people are obsessing about their therapists. If we cant even keep our focus on ourselves in therapy, how can we focus on whatever is the task at hand in any life transaction?
Couldn't agree more.

If in your therapy you start focusing more on the therapist's gestures ( like what he does with his hair or whatever else) than on your own problems you need to resolve, then either this particular therapist is not suitable for you or you have to ask yourself honestly whether you are really committed to your personal work.

In that sense, it doesn't matter if the therapist is attracted to you or not. Whether he is or he isn't, if you become more interested in whether he has feelings for you or not than in addressing your own problems, then your therapy is a waste of time.

Check your own motivations, and, if you are truly committed to work on yourself and you feel like this therapist's gestures, whatever they are, are too much of a distraction from your personal work, then get a different therapist. It doesn't have to be a woman. It may be a man whose behavior isn't confusing and you won't have to "read" him.
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:36 PM   #17
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

I think therapy compels people to obsess over the therapist's gestures and behaviors, because therapists are obscure and evasive and their bizarre role playing disorients people. So the client becomes consumed with trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I see it as normal given the circumstances.
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Old 10-05-2018, 07:02 PM   #18
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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I think therapy compels people to obsess over the therapist's gestures and behaviors, because therapists are obscure and evasive and their bizarre role playing disorients people. So the client becomes consumed with trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I see it as normal given the circumstances.
I agree with that. Therapy can be mystifying.
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Old 11-04-2018, 09:15 AM   #19
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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thanks for this info, it is very validating for me. there was a lot of stagnation in my progress in therapy and i have always wondered and suspected that it was because of my ex-Ts 'feelings' (conscious or not) for me. when i was tired of my therapy stalling, i did bring it up and discussed it directly with him and this resulted in him retreating (pulling away from me) and changing the boundaries without any discussion with me. it lead to one of our biggest ruptures and me eventually taking a six week break from therapy. i eventually brought it up again over a year later and talked of the rupture and what lead to my break and that is when he realised he had 'f@#cked up' and he apologised for mishandling the situation. i think he was hoping we could then address and work on that issue, but all i was seeking was the apology. The session after that, i told him it would be my last and that i was terminating.

when my therapy kept stalling before that rupture, similar to what you said, the blame was put onto me, but my gut kept telling me otherwise. it was incredibly frustrating and that is the only reason why i finally gained the courage to confront him. i was hoping for a much better outcome then the one i got. he definilty was not the mature T that i thought he was at that time. the experince definitely opened my eyes and forever changed my personal goals and direction in therapy.
Hi,
I think what You describe is what would happen if I decided to confront openly my T about his behavior with me. When I slightly confronted (very slightly) the topic, he was becoming very distant and closed to me. So I am afraid now of a rejection and that's why I don't say anything, even if he's is creating often some sexualized atmosphere between us. I try not to think about it, but it's not easy.

Could I ask what kind of therapy was it? I find this kind of behavior frequent in CBT therapies.

P.S. You had a real courage to confront Your therapist, congratulations to You.
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Old 11-05-2018, 05:05 AM   #20
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Default Re: I find my therapist attractive, sometimes I think hes inducing these thoughts/fe

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Could I ask what kind of therapy was it? I find this kind of behavior frequent in CBT therapies.
it was psychodynamic. so a lot of transference was encouraged in the therapy and the relationship.

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You had a real courage to confront Your therapist, congratulations to You.
thanks, that is one of the positive things i did learn from my ex-T, to be open and honest with my feelings. he often tried to model transparency and openness in the therapeutic relationship, so that is why this was so confusing for me, because at a time when i was at my most vulnerable with him, he backed down from his own values due to protecting his own interests first and foremost. when the original rupture happened it felt like a dagger had been thrust in my heart and a year later when i knew the end of therapy was near for me, it felt quite important for me to try to heal that wound before ending. i had nothing to lose by being completely honest and bringing those hurt feelings up to my T at that point. it definilty was an incredibly empowering achievement for me to end therapy with.
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