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Old 07-11-2018, 04:42 PM   #1
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Mad How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Well, I have an annoying neighbor (who doesn't?). But my introverted nature and depression seems to make it very tough in dealing with her.

My main problem is that she's NO SENSE of boundaries and doesn't seem to understand the meaning of "NO"



For example -

She keeps shoving food she prepares to my home. She thinks it's endearing to make food for me because "I'm like her sister".

I'd be starting my day and she'd ring the doorbell with "breakfast" she has made.

She'd announce that she's made some pickles and ask me if I want some......I'd say "No thank you, I already have pickles in my home".
10 mins later, she'd show up with a jars of pickles.

No amount of "NO, Thank you" seems to enter her thick skull. Every week, she'd make something or the other and pass it on to me.

I don't eat food prepared by her and I throw away whatever she gives me (adding to my guilt). But in her mind, I owe her "something" for the food she's given. Not only receiving "copious" amount of unwanted food adds to my nerves....my family etiquette of 'always return casserole with food/something to eat' leaves me doubly frustrated. Now I have to buy some dessert/snacks for her or cook something. And I HATE COOKING.

Just the other day, she dropped by with her kid at night. The interaction went something like -

She - Busy?
Me - Yes, I am making dinner.
She - So listen to this
Me - Oh....Oh.....Oh.........
She (to her kid) - So recite the poem you learned.

Kid recites poem. I want to shoot myself.
She (to kid) - Keep reciting. Meanwhile I'll cook dinner. Come back when I call you.

--------------

I have a water filtration system for my home, which needs to be cleaned everyday. Once she asked me how I clean it. I explained. Since then, she just started cleaning it herself.
I told her many times "Don't do it...I will do it myself."......but to no avail.

It'd be like -

She: Where are you going?
Me: To clean the water filters.
She: I did it for you already!
Me: Don't do it, I'll take care of it.


Some other day

She: Your water filter is clean today....I cleaned it today morning.
Me: Don't do it. I will do it.

Some other day

She: You don't have to clean your water filter today....I did it in the evening.
Me (mentally):
----------------------


At some point, I decided to start a herb/veggie garden.

She: Don't keep it in terrace....rats would bite your plants.
She: Don't keep it in your window sill.....too much sunlight.
She: Don't keep it in the open...expecting rain today.
She: Don't keep this plant in such a small pot.
She: Don't buy from that shop....I'll tell you from where to buy.
She: Let's buy those flowers and decorate the building like this.
She: Wouldn't those flowers look good here?
She: I trimmed the leaves of lemon plant, jackfruit plant...now it will grow nicely (my mother had kept those before she passed away.)
Both trees died. .

Needless to say, I abandoned my veggie garden, while she started a flower garden in terrace.

My mother had also kept a mango tree which gave us fruits for 3 years, until we lost the tree in a storm. Just after my mother passed away.....miracle...the tree had started regrowing from roots.


Then *SHE* decided to *help me* with it and butchered it in the name of trimming the shoots so it'd grow straight. Now the tree is struggling to grow and there are just few leaves on one of shoots from it. The remaining shoots dried.
------------------------------

As you sense from the interaction above, that nutjob has NO sense of boundaries. She looks at me like her helpless "younger sister". I look at her as my first murder victim. She thinks she's being possessive and endearing.....in reality she's being the person you want to beat the crap out with a shovel.



Everytime my doorbell rings, I pray it'd better not be her.....especially with another plate of food .


She's not even a nice person. She mocks her kid's "stupidity". She constantly compares her kid and me (I'm 30 years older than her kid)....like "Her hair is not as curly as yours"....."She doesn't sing as well as you do"

Every person she hires for her work complains about how "rude" she is to them. If she hires anyone through me, she'd be very nice to them.
I've often heard her yell at her kid "Will you do this homework or you want me to hit you?" (She doesn't hit her kid, but she sure likes to threaten)

Everytime I hear her nasal twang, I just want to move far away from my home, like Chandler moved to Yemen to get away from Janice. Actually she's exactly like Janice minus the humor.


I'd like to keep our interaction to a MINIMUM and somehow no amount of "NO" seems to get to her. I don't want to fight, I want to keep things cordial.


How do I deal with her. Please help me.
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Old 07-11-2018, 05:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Sounds like you just need to be blunt with her and come right out an tell her the best FAVOR she can do for you is NOT do anymore favors.
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Old 07-11-2018, 05:11 PM   #3
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Oh my Drastic times call for drastic measures. Creative measures indeed. What types of interests could you develop *wink, wink, nod, nod* that might be so over the top but freak her right out of coming over again? Something, of course, that years from now you could laugh in telling the tale?
Something, perhaps with a spiritual twist? Which could go either way? Hardcore with the Bible or the exact opposite in telling her you are practicing some voodoo magic rituals?

I know it's on the passive aggressive angle, but at this point making her want to not visit is the endgoal.
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:14 PM   #4
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Okay. Yeah. I had a *friendly* (read: needy) neighbor like yours. You absolutely MUST give her the cold shoulder. The first time is hard, after that it gets easier and easier. She knocks on your door? Don't answer. PERIOD. Do. Not. Answer. No matter what. Nope. Do not open that door.



When she approaches you when you're outside. Say, "I am busy right now, I cannot talk now." AND TURN AWAY. If she keeps talking, ignore her and walk away - right into your home if need be, and close the door.


You're bringing groceries into your house, she catches you and starts yakking? KEEP MOVING. Call over your shoulder, "I'M BIZZZYYY!" and KEEP WALKING.



You absolutely have to stand up to that woman because if you don't, you are allowing yourself to be her prisoner. You must not feel guilty for owning your time and the right to live in your home in peace.
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:15 PM   #5
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Hilarious description!

I say a friendly nutty neighbor is better than a spurned one. So I would go passive aggressive too getting her to back off. Keep thanking her for the food and throwing it out and donít give her anything in return. Maybe return the dishes dirty. Maybe tell her you have mono and she should stay away so she wonít catch it.

I put up with my neighbors dog crapping in my yard for years until the dog died rather than make an enemy of the next door neighbor.
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Shut the door in her face. Refuse to take the food. She can't forcibly put it in your hands. Put a note on your water filter that says "I already did it" and leave it here. Then she will think you've already done it and you can do it when you want. Put a permanent, DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door. Get caller ID. Do not answer her phone calls. If she knocks and you see her through your peep hole, tell her through the door, without opening, that you can't have visitors right now.

Eventually she will get the picture that you don't want to be best friends.

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Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:52 PM   #7
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

This reminds me of a time a friends mother made lasagna. She served it onto our plates with her hands, insisting she made it special for us and we have to eat it. While she told us she had ringworm! Have you ever seen people pretend to eat? So awkward!
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Old 07-11-2018, 07:15 PM   #8
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

I am NOT even going to start.............. I don't have these troubles. People avoid me. And I love it. But.....it would not be a pretty sight. She sounds like a really lonely person who has pinned all her attention on you.
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Old 07-12-2018, 09:03 AM   #9
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

I certainly would stop short of shutting the door in her face but a simple, "I can't talk right now" might suffice. If that doesn't give her the message. More direct then measures should be taken. Still, I think the gentle approach would serve you better. Come right out and use the boundary word. Tell her the two of you need to sit down and discuss your boundaries. Be honest and let her know you are having difficulties with her ignoring them. Is there something you would in fact feel comfortable with her helping you with? Could you make a concession on this point?
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Old 07-12-2018, 05:19 PM   #10
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Default Re: How do I deal with my annoying neighbor

Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessgal View Post
Well, I have an annoying neighbor (who doesn't?). But my introverted nature and depression seems to make it very tough in dealing with her.

My main problem is that she's NO SENSE of boundaries and doesn't seem to understand the meaning of "NO"



For example -

She keeps shoving food she prepares to my home. She thinks it's endearing to make food for me because "I'm like her sister".

I'd be starting my day and she'd ring the doorbell with "breakfast" she has made.

She'd announce that she's made some pickles and ask me if I want some......I'd say "No thank you, I already have pickles in my home".
10 mins later, she'd show up with a jars of pickles.

No amount of "NO, Thank you" seems to enter her thick skull. Every week, she'd make something or the other and pass it on to me.

I don't eat food prepared by her and I throw away whatever she gives me (adding to my guilt). But in her mind, I owe her "something" for the food she's given. Not only receiving "copious" amount of unwanted food adds to my nerves....my family etiquette of 'always return casserole with food/something to eat' leaves me doubly frustrated. Now I have to buy some dessert/snacks for her or cook something. And I HATE COOKING.

Just the other day, she dropped by with her kid at night. The interaction went something like -

She - Busy?
Me - Yes, I am making dinner.
She - So listen to this
Me - Oh....Oh.....Oh.........
She (to her kid) - So recite the poem you learned.

Kid recites poem. I want to shoot myself.
She (to kid) - Keep reciting. Meanwhile I'll cook dinner. Come back when I call you.

--------------

I have a water filtration system for my home, which needs to be cleaned everyday. Once she asked me how I clean it. I explained. Since then, she just started cleaning it herself.
I told her many times "Don't do it...I will do it myself."......but to no avail.

It'd be like -

She: Where are you going?
Me: To clean the water filters.
She: I did it for you already!
Me: Don't do it, I'll take care of it.


Some other day

She: Your water filter is clean today....I cleaned it today morning.
Me: Don't do it. I will do it.

Some other day

She: You don't have to clean your water filter today....I did it in the evening.
Me (mentally):
----------------------


At some point, I decided to start a herb/veggie garden.

She: Don't keep it in terrace....rats would bite your plants.
She: Don't keep it in your window sill.....too much sunlight.
She: Don't keep it in the open...expecting rain today.
She: Don't keep this plant in such a small pot.
She: Don't buy from that shop....I'll tell you from where to buy.
She: Let's buy those flowers and decorate the building like this.
She: Wouldn't those flowers look good here?
She: I trimmed the leaves of lemon plant, jackfruit plant...now it will grow nicely (my mother had kept those before she passed away.)
Both trees died. .

Needless to say, I abandoned my veggie garden, while she started a flower garden in terrace.

My mother had also kept a mango tree which gave us fruits for 3 years, until we lost the tree in a storm. Just after my mother passed away.....miracle...the tree had started regrowing from roots.


Then *SHE* decided to *help me* with it and butchered it in the name of trimming the shoots so it'd grow straight. Now the tree is struggling to grow and there are just few leaves on one of shoots from it. The remaining shoots dried.
------------------------------

As you sense from the interaction above, that nutjob has NO sense of boundaries. She looks at me like her helpless "younger sister". I look at her as my first murder victim. She thinks she's being possessive and endearing.....in reality she's being the person you want to beat the crap out with a shovel.



Everytime my doorbell rings, I pray it'd better not be her.....especially with another plate of food .


She's not even a nice person. She mocks her kid's "stupidity". She constantly compares her kid and me (I'm 30 years older than her kid)....like "Her hair is not as curly as yours"....."She doesn't sing as well as you do"

Every person she hires for her work complains about how "rude" she is to them. If she hires anyone through me, she'd be very nice to them.
I've often heard her yell at her kid "Will you do this homework or you want me to hit you?" (She doesn't hit her kid, but she sure likes to threaten)

Everytime I hear her nasal twang, I just want to move far away from my home, like Chandler moved to Yemen to get away from Janice. Actually she's exactly like Janice minus the humor.


I'd like to keep our interaction to a MINIMUM and somehow no amount of "NO" seems to get to her. I don't want to fight, I want to keep things cordial.


How do I deal with her. Please help me.
I am sorry that you are struggling right now. Have you warn other people about how abusive she is toward everyone? Have you put up a sign that day no trespassing? What about calling the police and having them have a talk with her that your tired of her coming over all the time? Perhaps she doesn't have great people skills and don't realize that she is being rude. Start gathering evidence against her as a precaution. Perhaps talk to her husband and explain he need to tell his wife she is not to come over anymore. She could be very lonely and don't realize what she is doing that is so rude.
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