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Old 02-13-2018, 06:15 AM   #11
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

Is it stereotypical for me to have assumed men fix things? Physical things that break. It wasnít a sexist thought. Thatís just how I grew up watching my dad and what happened in my previous marriage.
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Old 02-13-2018, 06:24 AM   #12
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

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Is it stereotypical for me to have assumed men fix things? Physical things that break. It wasnít a sexist thought. Thatís just how I grew up watching my dad and what happened in my previous marriage.
Not all men know how to fix things or know how to follow a sheet of directions on how to do it. I just know how to fix things cause I spent most of my time growing up fixing things with my dad and working in production type settings building lab equipment the first 3 years I worked. My husband spent his time playing video games and working in retail. Does your bf have ADD/ADHD by any chance?
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:57 AM   #13
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

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Is it stereotypical for me to have assumed men fix things? Physical things that break. It wasnít a sexist thought. Thatís just how I grew up watching my dad and what happened in my previous marriage.
My brother doesnít fix things. He isnít the type. What he does is hires people to fix it. One of my nephews is very handy but the other one also just hires people to do it. My husband can fix some things, what he canít fix heíd look for someone to fix. I could fix some things but not all. What bothers me here is that your guy isnít even being a team player and jusf tells you to do things. I am not a princess who wants man to do things but I believe in being team players and both taking responsibilities
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Old 02-13-2018, 09:00 AM   #14
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Itís the first time weíve lived together as a couple. Weíre renting a new place. I didnít see it before because we werenít living together so I donít know what he did in terms of maintenance.
I understand but donít you know how your partner is by just being with him, not necessarily living with him? Donít you ever stay the night of hung out on the weekend? My husband and I got engaged and moved in together after a little over 7 months of dating and I knew what he can or cannot do. Thatís why I am surprised.
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Old 02-13-2018, 09:12 AM   #15
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

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Is it stereotypical for me to have assumed men fix things? Physical things that break. It wasnít a sexist thought. Thatís just how I grew up watching my dad and what happened in my previous marriage.
Yes it is stereotypical but if that's what you like in a man you have every right to look for that. I don't think you should expect your partner to fix things purely because he's a man, if he doesn't want to fix them. However same goes for him, he shouldn't expect you to fix things if you don't want to fix them...
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Old 02-13-2018, 12:57 PM   #16
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

So, another option is to tell him that you will fix x, y, and z, and he is responsible for abc and if he doesn't hold up his half of the tasks, you will call a repairman to do it and he can foot the bill.

I don't think this is about men fixing things. I think this is about him not handling things. Whether or not he actually does the work or gets it taken care of doesn't matter, he needs to handle some of the home issues and not expect you to deal with everything.

You know, I'm a terrible housekeeper. If I move in with someone, they're going to have to handle that I use a cleaning service. There's a certain amount of chores I can handle, and then I have my friends at the cleaning service who come in and help me out. But the thing is, at least I get it done. One way or another. I have to ask for help, but I get it done. If he needs help, that's fine, but he needs to get things done.

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Old 02-13-2018, 01:18 PM   #17
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

You are angry sbout it yet you keep in fixing the things? If you couldn't fix these things, who would? There is a fine line between couldn't & wouldn't. Maybe it's a choice you could make to make your point.

At the end of my marriage (that was the last 13 years if it) I went on strike & did nothing in the house because of his attitude. I didn't mind doing things until the attitude showed up then it was WAR. That IS NOT a relationship. You honestly would be better off back alone than in this kind of situation which will only grow worse not better.

I didnt know what my H ciuld or couldn't do wjen I got married though I laid down the ground rules hoping I would scare him off. He was top ASD to understand what I really meant by what I was saying but didn't know it at the time & we had been living with parents before we got married.

Now I know what guys are capable of doing because it comes up in our conversations. Living alone I am my plumber, mechanic, techie, & repair worker for anything I can handle & hire done what I cant do myself but that brings up abilities into all my conversations so I pretty much know everyone's abiluties that I have social contact with.

Know I would be VERY UNHAPPY in a situation like this.
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Old 02-13-2018, 01:30 PM   #18
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

This man you are now living with is showing you that in his experience his mother fixed everything "for" him and he just assumes that "you" will be that way too. He has developed into a person that just expects this and does not give it another thought.

If you teach a human being to "expect" things to happen a certain way, they will "expect" things to happen a certain way. There is a term for this pattern, "entitled". Even animals will learn to "expect" things too. I noticed that when I had my ponies on the cross ties so I could groom them and saddle them up, they began getting carrots fed to them and it got to the point where they would not stand still and behave and constantly expected to get carrots. They even began nipping and pawing their feet with insistence to get carrots. Because they noticed that carrots were often kept in pockets they began to reach out and nip at my pockets while I was leading them too. That is when I stopped allowing them to be fed carrots and treats because they were getting way too entitled and rude.
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Old 02-13-2018, 01:55 PM   #19
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

Just had another thought. We as women want to be thought of as JUST AS CAPABLE as men. That sometimes gets us into positions like this. On one hand we are proving our abilities but on the other some men take advantage of our abilities. Just like men use selective hearing, maybe we need to use selective abilities (knowing full well we CAN do it but chose not to.)
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Old 02-13-2018, 02:21 PM   #20
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Default Re: Just call me flipping Ms Fix It

I am with a guy who is was never too handy when it comes to fixing stuff. I grew up with a father who was a jack of all trades. It's quite a contrast. I remind myself that I was looking for a man who wouldn't be too much like my father, and I sure got that. My father was the "take charge" type, but could be domineering. My guy is not domineering at all, but sometimes a bit too passive. I figured out that, in life, everything's a trade-off.

I am the "Ms. Fix It" in my home. If my guy tries, there is a good chance he'll just screw it up more. I accept that he cannot change. I remind myself that he always loved to cook for me. So you might ask yourself if your guy has compensating qualities.

If this is basically laziness and just not wanting to be bothered doing anything, then that's unfair and is going to make you chronically unhappy. Maybe you could just let some things go unfixed, and see if that motivates him to make an effort.

I guess there is no really knowing someone until you have lived with them for a bit.
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