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Old 12-04-2017, 09:32 PM   #1
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Default Girl says she needs to think advice

I dated a girl for a year and we broke up. We are both in our early 40s. We were hot and heavy for a long time.

I went to get my stuff yesterday (after a month) and it was hard to see her but I have talked about all things that we did to let things get stale. We cuddled then made out hot and heavy, and I stayed the night. She is confused, and has a lot to process but I am open to try and opened myself up to that.

I wanted to go hangout somewhere nice and talk, but she says she doesnt really know what she wants and needs time to think. I hated I did this but I went to open my old match account and there she was and online.

Seems to me that she wants to keep her options open while she thinks that doesnt sit well.

What should my approach be? I do not want to put in any effort if she is open to dating. To me that says she is not serious about at all, yet this literally happened yesterday.
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Old 12-05-2017, 02:36 AM   #2
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

If she thought the two of you were done then it makes sense that she would be looking around. Plus I imagine that she did not expect to get hot and heavy with you again. It makes sense that she is confused.

If you donít want to put in any effort while she is confused, so be it. But if you are still interested in her then the situation being fluid gives you a chance to compete, to woo her again, to try to win her back. No guarantees, just a chance.
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Old 12-05-2017, 06:47 AM   #3
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

I agree with Bill. It was an unexpected reunion and the two of you had broken up. She may still have strong feelings for you, but the fact that she has been exploring, or still is, speaks to her confusion. Give it time..... and talk to her. And yes, if you are serious about her, woo her..... she may come around again.

But be careful, because in my experience, once it hasn't worked and you break up, it usually won't work again. :/ If things got stale once, it could be the same all over again.... it's easy enough to get hot and heavy after breaking up, which is very common, but being in a relationship again is a whole 'nother story.
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Old 12-06-2017, 10:45 PM   #4
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

Thanks. Things have changed some now but still a little confusing. We spoke and I opened up and she pulled it out of me that I made a list of all the things I liked about her. She is doing it herself about her (dealing with her insecurities). I was open with her, and stated that if I want to work on myself and be open to putting myself out there, and if she was wanting to still be on match then I cant take her serious. She said she would not go on there until she figures it out.

Later that morning, she said she saw how hard I was working on it, and that she was going to make a list of all the things she likes about me, and trying to find awareness of why she is scarred. She failed at her marriage and she doesnt want to fail at it again. So this was a few days ago, and we have text a couple of times, and they are now to the point of "hope all is well with you". It kind of makes me feel like she is distant.

I have given her space and time to think about it, but I kinda feel like we should communicate about it. I know this is tough to know, but what it a timeframe to expect?
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Old 12-06-2017, 11:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

When my husband and I first started dating I broke up with him because I needed to sort out my head. It took me 6 months to pull myself together and call him again. That's a long time, but we've been together 14 years. It may take her a while and no that doesn't mean you have to wait. You both need to do what's best for yourselves.
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Old 12-07-2017, 03:12 AM   #6
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

I think it's understandable she'd feel counfused. Give it time..
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Old 12-07-2017, 01:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: Girl says she needs to think advice

Let her think. No contact.
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