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Old 01-12-2018, 07:50 PM   #351
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You are lonely and you miss the times this man was loving towards you. Your just human golden.
TY for saying this --- perhaps that's all it is. I am going through some difficulties, he was a big support for me for a year, and I miss the love I got from him. And yes, I feel the loneliness sometimes.
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Old 01-12-2018, 07:53 PM   #352
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Addiction is a way to cope with self-hatred. The men I have known that are addicts, all have a supreme level of insecurity.

I have had several, that have chosen the alcohol or drugs instead of me.
Yes, that is exactly at the root of it -- and often times, depression. He's got it all.
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Old 01-12-2018, 07:53 PM   #353
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I agree with Open Eyes. It's amazing, what you've come through recently, Eve. You're such a cool lady.
aww, thanks so much Purple! You always bring sunshine with your posts.
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Old 01-12-2018, 08:08 PM   #354
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Just a quick word to all those who have replied and supported me through this -- THANK YOU! I soooo appreciate all the help, feedback and support. You all have been instrumental to my healing process, and for that, I am deeply grateful. I would not have made it this far without all of you.
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Old 01-12-2018, 09:27 PM   #355
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I also have recognized something through this process.

I have never been fully appreciated or recognized by a lover before for all that I am. With my ex fiance, he saw who I am in full, and he appreciated that. He used to tell me how amazing and incredible I am. I had never had that before in my entire life, even up until the age of 47. Sure, I've had men love me and men have been "in love" with me before, but never had I felt anyone really "see" me in full and appreciate me in full. He did. And that is something that I valued so very much.

Yes, I know he took advantage of me, lied to me and all the rest. He is not a decent man. We don't need to rehash all of that and why he sucks.

All I need right now is the acknowledgement that when someone you love tells you how amazing you are, that that is hard to forget and let go of, especially when it's the first time in your life.

He is the only man that I have been involved with who has ever said this to me. He saw and knew everything about me. He saw how I am with people on the other forum. He supported and praised my happiness blog. He said I was the most amazing woman he's ever met. Maybe that was all a lie too, though. Again I do not know for certain whether he truly cheated on me emotionally. Only suspicions.

I am probably going to get reamed for this now. I don't need the harsh dose of reality, like I said. I know the reality. He is a mixed up, upside down person. He is unhealthy and toxic. But there was a time between our initial and final breakup where I had never felt more loved in my entire life. And all the way leading up to us living together, too. Maybe that was all a part of his manipulation, but I don't think so.
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Old 01-12-2018, 09:53 PM   #356
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Even shyt relationships have there good moments.

I think your doing great moving forward and learning more about yourself.
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Old 01-13-2018, 03:47 AM   #357
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Remember the good times and how it felt. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Old 01-13-2018, 05:37 AM   #358
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Good for you on ignoring his behavior. It is good you are not acting out with it. good luck
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:47 AM   #359
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Even shyt relationships have there good moments.

I think your doing great moving forward and learning more about yourself.
TY Christina!
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:48 AM   #360
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Remember the good times and how it felt. There is nothing wrong with that.
Ty, and yes, I supposed it's only natural to do this. My therapist says to hold the bad along with the good when I am remembering the good.

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