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Old 11-14-2017, 01:44 PM   #171
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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
Being cheated on hurts deep. It's one of those betrayals that affects people in a very major way so it's not that far out for yu to continue to be angry about it for awhile like this. I've been there... it crushes you inside. being left is one thing, being unloved is another but being cheated on adds on the layer of betrayal, to those things. You're hurt, feeling lied to/deceived, betrayed, broken hearted, angry... its just one of those things that kind of hits a lot of nerves at once. Trust me, it does pass, though the betrayal will affect you for a long time if not for good. it really throws our sense of trust off badly.

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thank you sooo much for saying this, AND for understanding all the emotions fully. That is exactly what I've gone through with this. The betrayal will effect me a long time, I am sure, and like you said, possibly forever.
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Old 11-14-2017, 01:47 PM   #172
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Thinking of you, dear Eve.

Grrrrrrr...........
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Old 11-14-2017, 01:49 PM   #173
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thank you, Purple... much appreciated!
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Old 11-14-2017, 01:53 PM   #174
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I do understand... and still feel remnants of the betrayal even after years. I'm not still caught in the depths of it but yeah..
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Old 11-14-2017, 01:58 PM   #175
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UGH. Cheating is really the worst... lying is a betrayal, but cheating... UGH. It just hurts and cuts through the heart to the very core of your soul. It's soul breaking.
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:02 PM   #176
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Do people here think that NO response is the BEST response IF I DO hear from him again? I am expecting to hear from him at some point, and I am sure I will. I've been thinking of confronting him on all his lies, his possible cheating, and his BS, but a friend just told me he will rationalize it all to himself and it won't do any good. That really, NOT replying at all sends a stronger message. Plus, there's the argument of WHY engage any further with someone who abused you as such? Give them the silent treatment, and walk away fully. Do not engage any more.
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:17 PM   #177
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Do people here think that NO response is the BEST response IF I DO hear from him again? I am expecting to hear from him at some point, and I am sure I will. I've been thinking of confronting him on all his lies, his possible cheating, and his BS, but a friend just told me he will rationalize it all to himself and it won't do any good. That really, NOT replying at all sends a stronger message. Plus, there's the argument of WHY engage any further with someone who abused you as such? Give them the silent treatment, and walk away fully. Do not engage any more.
considering the fact that in most cases with cheating, they know what they did or are doing, it's true they will rationalize and try to make excuses. most times if someone has a strong enough will and a seared conscience that's bad enough to allow them to cheat, nothing the victim will say after the fact will ever help. I liken a cheater to an abuser in a way in that the behavior that follows being caught is similar to that of an abuser after they've screwed up and hurt the other person. they will similar to an abuser, go through explanations and or rationalizations much like the abuser will go through being "good" in order to gain the good ground with the victim once again but it's rarely because they want to change, it's just to get out of the immediate pain of being called out on something.

What would be the goal of confronting them after it's all said and done anyway? if it's over, you have to weigh the idea that you know it's going to take it's toll on you again emotionally and likely without a good outcome. it will bring up all the past emotions that already have gone through you and for you alone it will start over, the anger, feelings of betrayal etc. all of it comes rushing to the forefront of your mind and heart again. So if there is a specific outcome you expect, figure out if all of that is worth it. Likely the outcome we expect from such confrontations are not going to happen and we're sstuck with the reliving the pain again.

someone who is capable of adultery in a lot of cases has gone past the feelings of guilt related to cheating. Otherwise their conscience would stop them before going through with it. When the conscience is no longer effective no amount of confrontation usually will change a thing.

silence in my opinion is your best response
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:38 PM   #178
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I agree.

If you keep the possibility of contact open, no matter how much you tell him off, you're sending a message to your sub-conscious that it isn't over.

Without realising it, your body will start to prepare for the encounter. You'll be rehearsing it. You're probably still having conversations with him in your head, and that's natural. But it is the thing you most need to move away from.

Just my opinion, Eve.

Have you considered a one-off session of primal scream therapy?
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:44 PM   #179
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Yes I also feel it would be better not to engage with him any longer.

It does not sound like he is a mature person (he reacted way over the top to the news you had kissed another guy after you split up), and I doubt he is capable of discussing anything rationally and calmly.

Take care of yourself, post here if you need to.
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:46 PM   #180
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@s4nd... thank you vm.. you make all excellent points! So true what you said about adultry and a conscience. I also hadn't thought of the possibility that it would just bring it all right back up for me, and you're right, it would! It would hinder all the progress I've already made... thank you so much for your detailed, thoughtful reply!!

@pURple, thank you vm as well..... yes, what i need the MOST here is to be done with him AND over it and moving on..... primal scream therapy would be awesome right about now!!!! maybe I'll drive to the ocean or the forest by myself, lol !

@Sprout -- thank you, too, vm.... and you're sooooooo right. He is NOT mature in any way or capable of having a mature, adult conversation. You;re right -- forget it. He DID react way over the top about that.
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