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Old 10-12-2017, 07:37 PM   #1
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Default I'm so lonely

To start this off please don't talk to me privately. I'm so ashamed of posting this at all that I won't respond. I'll only talk here.

I'm so deeply lonely. I only have one friend I can see, and while I'm in a relationship, it's long distance. I've tried making friends, by reaching out to others, finding people with similar interests, etc. It never works. Nobody ever wants to be around me. No matter how much effort I put in it always fizzles out within a month. My social interaction is limited to about 15-30 minutes a day, and most of it is text.

I'm about college age so I live with my parents. I asked them if I could get another pet, and my father basically shot me down and made fun of me for admitting they make me feel better. I have two pets currently but they don't want to sit with me or be pet, they would rather jump around.

I just want someone to hug me and let me bawl my eyes out. I haven't received a hug from someone other than a parent in two years. The last person only wanted me for sex, so really it's been upwards of four. I'm losing my mind, I'm so lonely I don't know what to do. I'm not an unpleasant person. I don't stink, I'm clean, I'm not rude or mean. I honestly considered using that service where you pay someone to cuddle you, but I'm too ashamed. If I could do it without them ever seeing my face I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't know what to do. I'm going to see my SO in December, but it feels like an eternity right now. Maybe it's because some sort of touch is nearly in my grasp, but it's all the more unbearable right now. When they leave I'll be alone again.

There's really no point to this post other than to just put my thoughts down. Sorry for posting honestly.
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:42 PM   #2
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Default Re: I'm so lonely

Very sorry to hear this.

I am sending you as big a hug as it is possible to fit into these little boxes.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:10 PM   #3
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Iím sorry youíre feeling like this. Iím sending big hugs. Get all the hugs you can from your parents and look forward to getting those hugs in December.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:20 PM   #4
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Please never apologize for being honest on this site. Loneliness is painful and affects us not only an emotional level but a physical one. In this age of social media there is more of a physical disconnect. Doing things via text tends to make us feel even more isolated.

Some people who crave human touch can also have a therapeutic massage for skin to skin contact. It would be interesting to know how the hugging therapy goes for you.

Have you ever thought of doing some volunteering at an animal shelter? Lots of animals there and even people. Lots of doggie contact there too. You would be helping them and helping yourself at the same time.

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Old 10-13-2017, 10:25 AM   #5
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Default Re: I'm so lonely

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum220 View Post
Please never apologize for being honest on this site. Loneliness is painful and affects us not only an emotional level but a physical one. In this age of social media there is more of a physical disconnect. Doing things via text tends to make us feel even more isolated.

Some people who crave human touch can also have a therapeutic massage for skin to skin contact. It would be interesting to know how the hugging therapy goes for you.

Have you ever thought of doing some volunteering at an animal shelter? Lots of animals there and even people. Lots of doggie contact there too. You would be helping them and helping yourself at the same time.

I know I shouldn't I just feel ashamed of this.

I'm considering a massage for sure. I've looked into it and I didn't realize that they directly market to people like me sometimes.

I've considered it many times, but I can only be around dogs/birds/reptiles. I'm deathly allergic to every other animal species. Unfortunately most of the time dogs are kept near cats... In my area there isn't any rescues specializing in just birds or reptiles either so I'm unsure. The only available center is about an hour away from me.
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Old 10-15-2017, 09:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: I'm so lonely

Loneliness is a terrible thing. I speak from far too much personal experience. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

If you've been consistently having trouble socializing for a long time, you really might want to consider reaching out for help. There are support groups and such, as well as actual counsellors and therapists. You can search around and see what's in your area.

. . .

Okay, I just cross-checked your post in the depression forum.

I'm going to strengthen what I suggested above. You should talk to your doctor and see where you want to go from there. But therapy and medication might be very helpful at this point. You shouldn't have to suffer like this.

And please don't be "sorry for posting honestly". When I first came across PsychCentral, it helped to read of others with similar problems -- long before I worked up the nerve to introduce myself and start posting. It does help. You'll likely be helping others. And you deserve help too.

Take care.


(Edit: I'm sorry. I just noticed you *are* in therapy and on medications in your other thread. I apologize for my lack of concentration and failure to notice that. I'm still sending my best and reassuring you that you are worth the help.)

Last edited by CepheidVariable; 10-15-2017 at 09:27 PM.. Reason: I'm a scatterbrained doofus (sigh)
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Old 10-15-2017, 11:18 PM   #7
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Default Re: I'm so lonely

Sending virtual hugs if you want them.

I grew up touch-deprived. As an adult who is now in a relationship with someone where there is plenty of touch, I still feel lonely most of the time, if not totally alone. Prior to meeting them I suffered horrendously for over two decades. I think it will always be with me to some extent. I empathize with what you're going through.
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Old 10-17-2017, 06:44 PM   #8
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Loneliness is a difficult emotion to cope with. You are not alone. I feel lonely too. Some things that help me are going out for a brisk walk (endorphins help), curling up under a blanket and listening to my favorite soothing music, reading (gets me out of my head). I like the suggestions others made too. Getting help from a therapist could help. So could volunteering in some way. Hang in there.
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Old 10-23-2017, 08:42 PM   #9
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Default Re: I'm so lonely

Vilatus - I was so lonely when I was in my late twenties I wanted to leave the planet. I didn't want to die, I just wanted to move to another planet, where the people were more friendly. I'm 61 today. And I'm still here. And people still aren't all that friendly. I actually understand what you feel...disconnected. Unfortunately, you could be in a roomful of people, relatives, classmates and still not be able to connect to any of them. It's not that people don't want to be with you. It's that people don't want to make real connections. Conversations are shallow and superficial, that's why texting and snapchat and all the other stuff that promotes fragmented pieces of conversations is so popular. It's also why you can't send an email to someone that's longer than two sentences. People don't want connection, they want short, simple, meaningless communications. This probably doesn't make you feel better, sorry for that. But maybe it helps to know: it's not you. It's not you. Look in the mirror and repeat: it's not you. It's the way our societies have evolved. People don't want connection. You want connection. There are others out there who want real connections, real conversations, but it may take awhile for you to find those people, because there aren't very many of them.

I say this to everyone who is struggling: go to a dog park and pat someone else's dog, but ask permission first. You don't have to make friendly with the dog owner, just pat the dog if they will let you pat their dog. The energy of being around others may be enough to keep you going for awhile.
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Old 10-24-2017, 12:48 AM   #10
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My hat's off to you for honestly expressing your very real feelings. What you describe is what I think is one of the worst kind of emotional pain human beings can experience. I know first hand what that feels like. In my case, neither of my parents were into hugging their kids. So at times it felt like there was no warmth in my life.

When I used to analyze how this happens to a person, like you, I would think that I wasn't such a bad person. I thought of something else that you might like to consider: Hitler had a circle of friends and a real nice girlfriend. So did a lot murderous gansters. Charles Manson was idolized by a circle of followers. I was always interested in biographies of all kinds of people - good and bad. When you come to realize how many really crummy people have enjoyed lots of social success, you have to conclude that social success is not an accurate reflection of a person's worth. Now and then, I watch those crime shows that depict how some popular person with a nice spouse goes and murders the spouse for insurance money. Scott Peterson probably had a good social life right up to when he murdered his pregnant wife. Plus he was so desirable that he was having affairs with other women during his marriage. It seems that social success is a product of having certain specific skills that have just about nothing whatsoever to do with being a good, trustworthy person. Give that some thought.

How you get those skills is the big question. What I did was to push myself into lots of situations I didn't feel real at ease with. If you are a freshman or a sophomore, is there any chance you could go to a different college where you live on campus for junior and senior year? I know that, these days, that gets expensive.

I think going for the message is an excellent idea. I found a good friend by taking my dog to a nice park. I met other people doing the same. One became a close friend.

It's not easy. I did some crazy things out of loneliness: went out drinking a lot and hanging with just about anyone who'ld have me. I'm lucky nothing real bad ever happened to me. But it was all a way of learning about the world and the people in it.

Don't give up trying lots of things.
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