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Unread 09-03-2017, 09:37 AM   #1
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Default Nobody ever calls me

I did my best to initiate with a few contacts. They usually always are busy. We don't see each other in a month or two. This is about my peer group and I am early to mid twenties.
Nobody else calls either.
It seems people are distancing from me but nobody will say what I am doing, why, etc. I can feel something is wrong.

Speaking to therapists, they always get stuck on "you have what you need so that is strange" or "join clubs". But I would like to know what is wrong.
Can you help?
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Unread 09-03-2017, 01:51 PM   #2
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

I don't know "what is wrong" Jellyfish. Without more info and actually really knowing you, I couldn't even begin to understand if you are being avoided or not. So, when you say to your therapist "I feel like people are distancing themselves from me, how can I make friends?" your therapist says back "you have what you need so that is strange." That is a strange answer. What do they mean by that? But I do think that joining clubs / groups is an excellent idea in order to make friends.

I'm wondering why you feel people are distancing themselves from you? Could it just be your own negative thoughts talking? Or do you think you've done something to make people distance themselves? You could potentially ask your friends if you did something wrong. Depending on how comfortable they are with being honest and confrontation, they could give you helpful insight.

I think also finding ways to make new friends is an excellent idea too.
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Unread 09-03-2017, 03:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

People don't seem to call as much anyway, it seems. They tend to text or send e-mails. I get lots of unwanted calls---attempts to sell me something or scam me in some way. One to sell me a cemetery plot and one to sell me burial insurance. Gee. Getting older, I must be.

I know what you mean, though. Everyone is so "busy." Go on the Internet and look up clubs and organizations in your area--and even events. That should help, as everyone is saying.
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Unread 09-03-2017, 04:29 PM   #4
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

I have a best friend who I am very bad about calling. I get busy with things & by the time I remember it's too late. I actually like texting about small things otherwise I can end up talking for hours on the phone with my friend. She also feels like something is wrong if she hasn't heard from her friends in awhile then starts to worry that there is something she has done wrong. It's not. People just don't always have time to call or remembernto....which reminds me, I got a voice mail from some people I know 2 weeks ago & haven't returned the call...have to get to that.
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Unread 09-04-2017, 01:37 AM   #5
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
People don't seem to call as much anyway, it seems. They tend to text or send e-mails. I get lots of unwanted calls---attempts to sell me something or scam me in some way. One to sell me a cemetery plot and one to sell me burial insurance. Gee. Getting older, I must be.

I know what you mean, though. Everyone is so "busy." Go on the Internet and look up clubs and organizations in your area--and even events. That should help, as everyone is saying.
Agreed.

I almost never call people myself. For me, it has to do with me being an introvert who gets nervous every time somebody calls me so I often decline the call and wait until I psych myself up to talking to that person before calling them back. I'm also often times too busy to be able to drop what I'm doing to talk on the phone. Finding time to call my case manager to schedule an appointment is hard enough for me because of work and school, let alone calling a friend.

And then there is also the fact that a lot of young people don't call people on the phone that often. They instead text, Snapchat, Skype, message on Facebook, ETC. Texting and IM is a lot more convenient than calling somebody on the phone, so phone calls are reserved for business for most people.

So it is most likely not you. Maybe see about reaching out to people via text or Facebook?
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Unread 09-04-2017, 03:48 PM   #6
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
I did my best to initiate with a few contacts. They usually always are busy. We don't see each other in a month or two. This is about my peer group and I am early to mid twenties.
Nobody else calls either.
It seems people are distancing from me but nobody will say what I am doing, why, etc. I can feel something is wrong.

Speaking to therapists, they always get stuck on "you have what you need so that is strange" or "join clubs". But I would like to know what is wrong.
Can you help?
Jelly...I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I remember some of your previous posts. I really don't know what's going on and you won't either unless you ask for feedback. It may not be you at all. I wish you the best of luck in figuring this out. Sending big hugs.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 07:53 AM   #7
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
I did my best to initiate with a few contacts. They usually always are busy. We don't see each other in a month or two. This is about my peer group and I am early to mid twenties.
Nobody else calls either.
It seems people are distancing from me but nobody will say what I am doing, why, etc. I can feel something is wrong.

Speaking to therapists, they always get stuck on "you have what you need so that is strange" or "join clubs". But I would like to know what is wrong.
Can you help?
It could be the opposite - people calling you and when calling them, they are busy.
Just keep yourself occupied with your own personal interests. Only then allow friends into your life, if you so wish to.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 10:21 AM   #8
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
Jelly...I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I remember some of your previous posts. I really don't know what's going on and you won't either unless you ask for feedback. It may not be you at all. I wish you the best of luck in figuring this out. Sending big hugs.
Nobody explains what is wrong. They are just distancing themselves. I am trying to say what ever it is I do I find myself alone in the end. I need someone to help me understand and fix things.
In a way this has been going on for ages. Whatever I do it just does not feel right.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 11:01 AM   #9
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

How do you feel things go on the occasions that you are with friends?
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Unread 09-05-2017, 12:23 PM   #10
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

If you can't connect with people who can tell you what's wrong & it's JUST a feeling you are having & OBVIOUSLY no one here can tell you what is wrong then going to a therapist who IS CAPABLE of doing what you are asking for IS YOUR ONLY SOLUTION.

If you complain to people you get around about things like this & only talk about your family problems & how your parents don't take care of you the way they SHOULD, it's would not surprise me that people stay away. People don't make friends with people who are wrapped up in nothing but their own problems. Get to a T who can REALLY HELP you instead of complaining about it to everyone who doesn't even have the ability to help.
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