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Unread 09-07-2017, 09:27 AM   #11
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
If you can't connect with people who can tell you what's wrong & it's JUST a feeling you are having & OBVIOUSLY no one here can tell you what is wrong then going to a therapist who IS CAPABLE of doing what you are asking for IS YOUR ONLY SOLUTION.

If you complain to people you get around about things like this & only talk about your family problems & how your parents don't take care of you the way they SHOULD, it's would not surprise me that people stay away. People don't make friends with people who are wrapped up in nothing but their own problems. Get to a T who can REALLY HELP you instead of complaining about it to everyone who doesn't even have the ability to help.
You MAY have noticed therapists here have not been helpful and I am looking for help in general. Somebody could have an idea. What, do you think only therapists are able to give suggestions? Other people can give an opinion, too.
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Unread 09-07-2017, 11:30 AM   #12
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How do you feel things go on the occasions that you are with friends?
Well, the ages ago I did speak to them last, I felt it was ok. We were catching up with each other's lives mainly. But they are always busy or do not respond since. So I do not really know what is the matter for sure..
Even the one current friend that I have, I thought things were going alright but now I have not seen her in a bit and it does worry me. Even she is about a decade older ...
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Unread 09-07-2017, 01:02 PM   #13
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

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Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
You MAY have noticed therapists here have not been helpful and I am looking for help in general. Somebody could have an idea. What, do you think only therapists are able to give suggestions? Other people can give an opinion, too.
If you read the last part of my post I gave you my OPINION:
Quote:
If you complain to people you get around about things like this & only talk about your family problems & how your parents don't take care of you the way they SHOULD, it's would not surprise me that people stay away. People don't make friends with people who are wrapped up in nothing but their own problems.
look at yourself & see what behaviours you out forth when you are around them. IF (only you can answer that because we cant see your interactipns IRL)you complain to them about your life the way you constantly are complaining here on the forum, it would not surprise me why they stay away & dont call if that is all they are going to hear about.

You are aware about what you talk about so you should easily be able to answer that question for yourself.
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Unread 09-09-2017, 11:49 AM   #14
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
If you read the last part of my post I gave you my OPINION:
look at yourself & see what behaviours you out forth when you are around them. IF (only you can answer that because we cant see your interactipns IRL)you complain to them about your life the way you constantly are complaining here on the forum, it would not surprise me why they stay away & dont call if that is all they are going to hear about.

You are aware about what you talk about so you should easily be able to answer that question for yourself.
Um ... "complaining here on the forum"? Are you saying I should not be? Why do you read my posts if it is just a bunch of complaining?
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Unread 09-13-2017, 10:17 AM   #15
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

I find ppl nowadays prefer to text more than call plus ppl are always busy with their own lives. It is true to try and join groups etc.. but that does not always work sometimes it's pure luck to meet new friends
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Unread 09-13-2017, 10:25 AM   #16
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

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Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
Well, the ages ago I did speak to them last, I felt it was ok. We were catching up with each other's lives mainly. But they are always busy or do not respond since. So I do not really know what is the matter for sure..
Even the one current friend that I have, I thought things were going alright but now I have not seen her in a bit and it does worry me. Even she is about a decade older ...
I think if it went okay then the chances are it probably is okay.

Maybe they have different expectations of the friendship to you? Some people just want to hang out every now and then but doesn't mean they don't like you. Especially if they have busy lives/jobs/families etc.
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Unread 09-13-2017, 06:17 PM   #17
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
You MAY have noticed therapists here have not been helpful and I am looking for help in general. Somebody could have an idea. What, do you think only therapists are able to give suggestions? Other people can give an opinion, too.
Therapists would be meeting you in real life hence they would know better. We don't know you. Hence no idea what's wrong. We gave you opinions but you disregarded them so therapists are your better bet. My opinion is that your friends are busy but you aren't as you say you just stay in bed for months, so it is not equal kind of relationship. But again I've no idea as I don't know you.
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Unread 09-13-2017, 11:41 PM   #18
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Well, the ages ago I did speak to them last, I felt it was ok. We were catching up with each other's lives mainly.
catching up is JUST telling each other how BAD or good life has been for you. Honestly if all people heard was HOW BAD your life is, many stay away from that because they sense that will be all they hear Everytime they talk to someone like that so they limit their interface to when they feel they can handle it.

Of course it went well, neither had to talk about anything but about themselves. That is NOT what relationships are easily built on....they are built on COMMON INTERESTS.

Obviously no one here knows you on a personal level or can really say what is really happening.....it's ALL GUESSES here based ONLY on things you have said in your posts.

It's difficult for anyone to have anything in common to base a relationship on with someone who stays in bed for months. Not sure what kind of friendship you actually expect out of them but maybe they are guessing & aren't sure it's the kind of friendship they want to invest time & energy into.....& honestly people aren't going to say if that is the case because most people feel its better to say nothing than to hurt someone by telling them what they really think.

Who knows if this is even the case. They may just be way too busy & you aren't.....if you want to know the truth you will have to ask & even then they may not tell you their whole truth in the matter for whatever reason they may feel is best.
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Unread 09-14-2017, 03:48 AM   #19
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

My therapy says it's pointless to guess why people do stay they do as you'll never know real answer. But you can control (in most cases) what YOU do and try to understand why
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Unread 09-14-2017, 12:43 PM   #20
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Default Re: Nobody ever calls me

Here's what I would do. If you want some unsolicited advice.

1) Keep your expectations low about people calling you back.
2) Think of at least three scenarios about why they haven't called you back.
3) If they call you back, whoopeee, that's awesome. Ask them out for coffee, instead of talking on the phone. Face to face is probably a great way to build rapport, by sharing a laugh or two.
4) Plan what you'll say if they call you back. Make sure it's not entirely focused on personal problems (Eskie gave good advice about that)
5) In between times when people don't call you back, invest the time to building yourself up. Hobbies, common interests with people you want to hang out with, intellectual pursuits, enjoy nature.
6) Try calling them again in two weeks. Keep expectations low. Repeat the above.

This is something I will try to do as well. As I have no friends that live nearby and I take responsibility for most of the friendless years I've lived. The only friend I have lives across country and we barely communicate, just during holidays.
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