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Unread 08-12-2017, 11:07 AM   #1
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Trig Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Hi i m new. I m dealing with a serious issue and i need second opinion of this beautiful community.
I m male, 38, married for 10 yrs, with 1 x daughter (8 yrs). Sexual pleasure is not existent in my marital life as my wife is not attractive at all (why i married her is another story). So, now after being 6 years sober. When i see "hot" ladies. i feel like punching, cutting, slapping my face. or jumping from roof. i ve banged my head on wall a couple of times even leading to substantial injuries.
4 months back i met a girl (21 yrs old). She was poor and needed some one to take care of her. i ve helped her in past 4 months with every thing i could i never asked for any thing in return. being vulnerable, i fell in love with her and proposed her right during 1st week of our relation. she took some time on the plea that she need to talk to her parents. then for one reason or other, she did not let me see her parents but kept assuring me that she also likes me and WILL marry me. recently i came to know she did not tell me her real name and ve been hiding her identity. (Religion even). when i came to know, she said "i was not telling you as i was afraid u will leave me". i m so dejected that i turned my cell phone off and m not contacting her but this is only taxing me. she pursued me only for 2 days and is not contacting me either. But i doesnt seem like getting over her. i want her so bad. even if she is insincere (or not).

i want to ask, should i talk to her? is she a fraud or she really wasnt telling me her identity as she thought i would leave her? in fact she belongs to a community that people look upon as low lifers where do i live. but whats my option? should i talk to her or leave her for the good. i tried to leave her but my feelings for her are making me crazy and more than that, the pain of being treated like that by her, kept in dark...the lies that she has been telling me. its making me sick. i want to kill my self. please help me.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 03:49 PM   #2
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Question (for clarity):

Are you allowed multiple wives?
Because I didn't read anything about you and your wife splitting up, yet you mentioned proposing to the 21 year old...
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Unread 08-12-2017, 04:25 PM   #3
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Even if you are allowed another wife did you tell this girl you were married, upfront?
because that seems like a bigger issue than her not introducing you to her parents.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 05:42 PM   #4
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Hello. Welcome to PC. It would be easier to give you my thoughts on this if you could answer the previous poster's questions. Hang in there. Sending big hugs.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 07:06 PM   #5
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

What's the stigma or support like for mental health issues where you live? It concerns me that your actions have gone so far as to physically hurt yourself. Do you have access to psychologists to help you address these issues?
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Unread 08-15-2017, 11:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
Hello. Welcome to PC. It would be easier to give you my thoughts on this if you could answer the previous poster's questions. Hang in there. Sending big hugs.
Answers to Questions.
1. yes i m allowed 4 x wives in Parallel. (I am Muslim).
2. I did tell that girl about my marital status. I even let her see my daughter once. She had no issue becoming my 2nd wife.
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Unread 08-15-2017, 11:25 AM   #7
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
Hello. Welcome to PC. It would be easier to give you my thoughts on this if you could answer the previous poster's questions. Hang in there. Sending big hugs.

yes i m allowed multiple wives (4 indeed) in my religion. further, i did tell that girl i m married. she has even met my daughter. thanks for support. means alot to me.
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Unread 08-15-2017, 11:30 AM   #8
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
What's the stigma or support like for mental health issues where you live? It concerns me that your actions have gone so far as to physically hurt yourself. Do you have access to psychologists to help you address these issues?
I have seen psychologists (2 indeed). one was lady. i right away fell in love with her and she kicked my ***. she referred me to male psychologist who gave me some crap that did not help. i went to psychiatrist. he gave me meds that would dope me in the night and i would laugh all day long for no reason. i cut on the medicine as apparently it was making me a real-psycho. and indeed my issue is unfulfilled sexual desires. but my issue is, i cant just have sex with any one. i need a mental and emotional bond. which i made with this girl in subject.
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Unread 08-15-2017, 05:44 PM   #9
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

I suspect this girl became afraid.
If you spoke to her as you write here, I can imagine as a vulnerable young woman she might have felt intimidated, scared even.

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but you come across rather predatory. And it is a little unsettling.

Now my partner is a registered sex offender, with some quite serious convictions behind him, so for me to find you unsettling is quite an achievement.

You need help to manage your desires, this medication you took was obviously wrong for you, but there will be something out there.

You need to try and find a specialist, a MALE specialist to talk to.

I am sorry I can't really offer more advice since I don't know the workings of your countries health system.
I understand these feelings are overwhelming, and that for you Italy seem impossible that this young woman doesn't feel the chemistry too.

But she clearly doesn't. Try and acknowledge this without resentment.
Maybe try some method of distraction when you find the intrusive thoughts circling through your mind.

I really do wish you all the best. Please be well.
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Unread 08-16-2017, 05:31 AM   #10
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Default Re: Unable to get over an Insincere loved on

What's your diagnosis if you saw a psychiatrist?
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