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Unread 08-11-2017, 06:52 PM   #1
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Default New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

So, my long distance (online) boyfriend, who I have been dating for exactly a week, and I were very close friends, best friends. Jesus, the whole time we been friends people always asked us if we were dating, since we were so close and comfortable with each other, we told each other things we couldn't possibly tell anyone else. I truly do like him a lot!
Here's some background about me, I'm 21, i have been diagnosed with agoraphobia, panic/anxiety disorder, manic depression and BPD. So that being said when we found out we liked each other 2 weeks ago, he was already saying he thinks we would be perfect for each other and that he would want a relationship with me and that he thinks we would work so well together he was so excited and though I did agree I still asked for some time to think about it. He was understanding, he is truly the most caring, patient, sweetest person I ever met, who understands me and my mental health issues and I appreciate him for that. But I was effy about if because I was having and all these intrusive thoughts and anxiety, trying to figure out if it would be the right choice to go for it, if I was even ready for a relationship when I'm well.. me. So last Friday I told him yes, let's go for it.
Now I can't help but have these thoughts like I made the wrong choice in saying yes, wishing I thought more about it. I don't know why, I do like him! I really do. Why am I feeling like I just made a mistake. I know if I told him this he would be caring and try to work on figuring out why I felt like this but I'm not ready to hurt his feelings, I'm not sure if it's because this is new that I feel like this. It's (not) funny, because this is normally the feeling I got when I got a new cat, or bought something I wanted then realize I didn't need and I shouldn't have. It's like a guilt, the "was this the right move" (though I absolutely love my cats now) but like I don't know if this is a normal feeling, I never been in any type of relationship. What do I do?
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Unread 08-12-2017, 03:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

It sounds like you're having anxiety over whether you made the right decision. You could talk it over with him in a gentle way (he sounds like a great guy) or talk to a therapist or do a pro/con analysis. Put it down on paper. You might get some clarification. Good luck with your next step. Sending big hugs.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 04:13 AM   #3
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

Just go for it. See how it goes. Since he looks so caring, you shouldn't have too many problems. See if this relationship will work out. If you're particularly nervous, you can always talk to him.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 05:35 AM   #4
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

Just curious, how do you date long distance? Is there any plans for making the relationship not long distance?
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Unread 08-12-2017, 08:20 AM   #5
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Just curious, how do you date long distance? Is there any plans for making the relationship not long distance?
Yeah in the future, if it works out. But I'm having all this doubt and regret of saying yes should I even continue to stay with him? It doesn't seem like a good thing to have in a relationship
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Unread 08-12-2017, 08:32 AM   #6
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

It just seems like a bad way to continue a relationship with already this much regret? Thats making me doubt my feelings for him, maybe think I like him lot but I really don't like him as much? I tried sleeping on it last night, and trying to figure this all out because I know he likes me a lot and I don't know if I should try another week but at the same time I don't want to lead him at all.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:05 AM   #7
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

IMHO, you don't have a relationship until you are together in person. You are not going steady like when you were in middle school when you are 21.

Do you feel any physical attraction to him? If not, tell him you really only feel a strong friendship and you were too impulsive a week ago, no big mistake was made.

If you feel a bit of attraction, make plans to get together in person and see how it goes. That's how a relationship forms. You don't just decide you are in a relationship. You spend time together and feelings and experiences bond you together over time.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:49 AM   #8
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

How do you know there is physical attraction when you have never been physically with him or he with you. Until you actually meet, it's all just in the mind & thinking the attraction will be there.

I think you are just being wise to doubt anything about the relationship at this point other than you communicate well together long distance. Go with your GUT feeling. I learned the hard way IRL, not long distance, to ALWAYS listen to one's gut feeling. I had one that told me not to get married to the guy I got married to. 33 years later I left him for exactly the reasons my GUT (intuition) told me not to marry him in the first place. I had tolerated what I didn't like way too long. There is something about him that your intuition is aware of....LISTEN TO IT!!!!
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Unread 08-12-2017, 02:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

So I should just call it off? Should I try a few more days or is waiting even longer to see how I feel a bad idea?
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Unread 08-12-2017, 03:06 PM   #10
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Default Re: New to having a relationship, am I supposed to feel like this?

What are the pros and cons of having a relationship with him?
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