Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > General > Relationships & Communication



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 08-08-2017, 05:38 PM   #1
Grand Magnate
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,321 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
554 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Trig It's Falling Apart

He lost his job.

Right now he went out. We're both devastated. Our life has fallen apart. Although, for me, it never was solid anyway.

I want to go to him and hold him, tell him everything will be alright. But then, again, I will be the leader and he is the passive, submissive one, the receiver.

I can't bring myself to go and be what he wants me to be. I am too bitter how he was not there for me in the way I needed.

I'm sitting here torn.

It's all just acting. I don't know what is really in my heart. I'm just exhausted and stuck in this rocking chair.

I'm too numb.

Sure, I can imagine the scene where I gaze into his eyes and say my lines. And he loves it, all is well. We're strong because we have each other. But I'd just be acting and I can't do it anymore.

Should I just act and make my life easier?
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Unread 08-08-2017, 06:43 PM   #2
Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 9,326 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
86 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

Losing a job is horrible but can he find another? can he retire? Does he qualify for unemployment? If my DH lost his job it would be sad but we would manage until he get another one. On the other hand if you don't work, it could be a disaster. Do you work? Is he upset about loss of income or loss if a particular job.
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-08-2017, 06:55 PM   #3
Grand Magnate
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,321 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
554 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I'm not sure what is going to happen. He always lands on his feet. If he gets another job farther away, and I stay here with our son for school, it would not be a bad thing for me. I'm tired of this horrible relationship. Even if it's all my fault (which it''s not) even if I have BPD (do I?), I'd love a reason to be released from this hell. And I know everyone on here is frustrated with me because I don't leave him. I guess I'm codependent... learned helplessness? Lazy? Scared? Confused?
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 08-08-2017, 07:05 PM   #4
Elder
 
ElsaMars's Avatar
ElsaMars Is going, going, gone.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Freak Show
Posts: 6,249 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
10.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I don't have advise....I just want you to know I'm not in anyway tired of you nor do I judge you for staying, leaving or anything else. I don't know if you have BPD and there is no shame if you do. Try to meet yourself where you are at. You are confused, that part I can confirm. How can you obtain more clarity? I don't know what your relationship details are, I just know that you seem like a nice person who deserves happiness. I'm sorry for the stress you are under. (((Hugs)))
__________________
if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear, you can call me up, cause you know I'll be there -Cyndi Lauper True Colors

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HFiz-j66X74

In a world FULL OF PEOPLE *scream*

Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iHywjTem4IY
ElsaMars is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-08-2017, 07:28 PM   #5
Grand Magnate
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,321 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
554 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I can't cry because I'm on Lyrica. I should be crying, but I'm not.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 08-10-2017, 01:59 AM   #6
Elder
 
Jennifer 1967's Avatar
Jennifer 1967 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 5,717 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
10.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.
Jennifer 1967 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-10-2017, 06:18 AM   #7
Supreme Artisan
 
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 "Somewhere under the rainbow..."
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 5,270 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
181 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.
I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.
__________________

MAY THE GODDESS GRANT YOU PEACE AND TRANQUILITY!!



MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


Artchic528 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-10-2017, 10:39 AM   #8
Grand Magnate
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,321 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
554 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.
You're right. The deep down thing is I have low self esteem. I don't put myself first. I put my son first right now. I am staying in this house and letting him go to his HS where he is happy. I like the security of being with my h, having a partner, having someone who I really do enjoy as a person to be with. If only we can fix this problem that causes us to be trapped in hell with each other, we could e so happy. Oy vey!
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-10-2017, 04:05 PM   #9
Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 9,326 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
86 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

Are you able to support yourself? Unfortunately many women stay in bad relationships because they can't support themselves. I can't emphasize enough importance of self-reliance. I'd focus on becoming self suffering just in case
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-10-2017, 11:13 PM   #10
Member
Molinit has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 250
My Mood:

4 hugs
given
Default Re: It's Falling Apart

"He lost his job"

What exactly happened here? Was it downsizing or was it something that could have been prevented?
Molinit is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:43 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines