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Old 08-08-2017, 05:38 PM   #1
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Trig It's Falling Apart

He lost his job.

Right now he went out. We're both devastated. Our life has fallen apart. Although, for me, it never was solid anyway.

I want to go to him and hold him, tell him everything will be alright. But then, again, I will be the leader and he is the passive, submissive one, the receiver.

I can't bring myself to go and be what he wants me to be. I am too bitter how he was not there for me in the way I needed.

I'm sitting here torn.

It's all just acting. I don't know what is really in my heart. I'm just exhausted and stuck in this rocking chair.

I'm too numb.

Sure, I can imagine the scene where I gaze into his eyes and say my lines. And he loves it, all is well. We're strong because we have each other. But I'd just be acting and I can't do it anymore.

Should I just act and make my life easier?
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Old 08-08-2017, 06:43 PM   #2
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Losing a job is horrible but can he find another? can he retire? Does he qualify for unemployment? If my DH lost his job it would be sad but we would manage until he get another one. On the other hand if you don't work, it could be a disaster. Do you work? Is he upset about loss of income or loss if a particular job.
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Old 08-08-2017, 06:55 PM   #3
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I'm not sure what is going to happen. He always lands on his feet. If he gets another job farther away, and I stay here with our son for school, it would not be a bad thing for me. I'm tired of this horrible relationship. Even if it's all my fault (which it''s not) even if I have BPD (do I?), I'd love a reason to be released from this hell. And I know everyone on here is frustrated with me because I don't leave him. I guess I'm codependent... learned helplessness? Lazy? Scared? Confused?
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Old 08-08-2017, 07:05 PM   #4
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I don't have advise....I just want you to know I'm not in anyway tired of you nor do I judge you for staying, leaving or anything else. I don't know if you have BPD and there is no shame if you do. Try to meet yourself where you are at. You are confused, that part I can confirm. How can you obtain more clarity? I don't know what your relationship details are, I just know that you seem like a nice person who deserves happiness. I'm sorry for the stress you are under. (((Hugs)))
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Old 08-08-2017, 07:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I can't cry because I'm on Lyrica. I should be crying, but I'm not.
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Old 08-10-2017, 01:59 AM   #6
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Default Re: It's Falling Apart

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:18 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. No, I don't think you should pretend. It might be a good idea to be honest with him and with yourself. Can you work with a tdoc to drill down into why you're staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Sending big hugs.
I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.
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Old 08-10-2017, 10:39 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
I second that. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy? This question right here is what you need to ask yourself, and work with a personal T to fully understand. You need to put yourself first. Obviously you and your needs are more important than everyone else right now. Put them first. If you don't know how to do that, work with the aforementioned personal T to help you learn how to do so.

Remember, your happiness is the most important thing to achieve right now. No one else's.
You're right. The deep down thing is I have low self esteem. I don't put myself first. I put my son first right now. I am staying in this house and letting him go to his HS where he is happy. I like the security of being with my h, having a partner, having someone who I really do enjoy as a person to be with. If only we can fix this problem that causes us to be trapped in hell with each other, we could e so happy. Oy vey!
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:05 PM   #9
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Are you able to support yourself? Unfortunately many women stay in bad relationships because they can't support themselves. I can't emphasize enough importance of self-reliance. I'd focus on becoming self suffering just in case
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Old 08-10-2017, 11:13 PM   #10
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Default Re: It's Falling Apart

"He lost his job"

What exactly happened here? Was it downsizing or was it something that could have been prevented?
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