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Unread 08-23-2017, 03:02 PM   #71
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Default Re: So I snooped and maybe she's lying about what I found

Actually, Tisha, she could be love bombing me, with multiple purposes, one of which is to make it very difficult for mr to do anything but play along in return and return passion with passion, so that I'd feel like a total buzz kill if I brought up anything even semi serious. She doesn't want to have anything to do with semi-serious, much less serious. Her days are crazy enough as it is. One time, I started to bring something up and she broke in, "Oh, can't we just have some fun." And that was that.

Like one thing I'd like to email her about is her inability to follow through with promises she's made. I wrote her a long email in late July, which she called "singularly the most painful and beautifully written piece I've ever read. I want to craft an appropriate response. Can I have a few days?" Of course, but as of 8/23 I've seen nada. I reminded her about it early on and she said she'd get it to me in a day or two.

More recently, I asked her to revise some list of things she needs from me and she said she'd hop right on it. She was super enthusiastic about it. She asked for a day or three. But of course. That was two weeks ago. Crickets. I reminded her once or twice but that's all I'm going to do. Finally, ten days ago, I asked her to send me a link to the latest video of her and her band in concert. "I'll do it right now!" she exclaimed. Yup, you got it, crickets, along w/ few cicadas. And never along the way did she say she needed a bit more time or she was working on it or anything. Never a mention again.

This might seem like penny-ante stuff and maybe it is, but these aren't the only examples and over time they begin to add up as I begin to feel more and more discouraged.

I sometimes think she's only interested in "working" on our so-called relationship when I've broken up with her and she's in tears and we commit anew to doing the work. But after that, all she does is love bomb me. And I guess that's what it really is.

otoh, she's done none of the stuff that love bombers usually do at some point, turn cold, push away, etc.

Another thought I have: maybe I'm addicted to the friction of the ambiguity that i get from her ... whatever that means.
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Unread 08-24-2017, 05:21 AM   #72
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Default Re: So I snooped and maybe she's lying about what I found

In her defense, responding to being called out on her inability to keep promises is a buzz kill and people hate to be called out and defend themselves.

Have you seen her band? Are you sure it's real?

Have you spent real time together with her, like weeks and months of living together? That's when you may see different sides of her personality, when she drops the love bombing and starts devaluing.

I understand what you mean about being addicted to the friction. You get a jolt when she gives and are on pins and needles when she is unclear. Either way, it is very exciting.
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Unread 08-24-2017, 06:24 AM   #73
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Default Re: So I snooped and maybe she's lying about what I found

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
In her defense, responding to being called out on her inability to keep promises is a buzz kill and people hate to be called out and defend themselves.

i know, which is why i haven't done it with what i mentioned. otoh, it's a real buzz kill for me to have her not follow through on her promises.

Have you seen her band? Are you sure it's real?

oh, yeah, she's legit. and incredibly talented.

Have you spent real time together with her, like weeks and months of living together? That's when you may see different sides of her personality, when she drops the love bombing and starts devaluing.

yes. i have. and she can keep the love bombing up night and day in person, too. she's got a talent for keeping her various sides segregated. it's fascinating, really, and i've but seen one or two of her sides. some of the others involve: a passion for astrophysics, a passion for spreadsheets (!. she even got an MBA just for the hell of it), a thorough understanding of art history derived from years spent as curator of a pretty major university gallery, deep knowledge of the blues (play her any blues song and she'll on the instant be able to tell you artist and song and give you background stuff for both), that **** pic soliciting side (i guess. my back brain just won't let it go, even though my forebrain has marched on and turned the corner), the rock n roll side, and lots more. I know about all of these things, and I know them to be true. Her mom was Mensa-level smart and she's close to that but not quite (which her mother never let her forget).

I've asked her about various of these sides, and she'll say a few words and move on and before you know it, she's love bombing me again and, well, i'm love bombing her.

Our relationship must be one of the most dysfunctional around but it's the only kind either one of us has ever known, with this one being the most out there of all or at least ivn my case it is. At times, I am appalled. At times, depressed. At times, I just want to get the hell away from her. At times, I want to stick around just for the insane experience of it all. At times, I want it to continue to see if I can find a way to step outside it and just watch the damn thing go as in a movie. At times, I'm in love with her and feel like I've finally found easy street. Like I said, I'm fascinated.


I understand what you mean about being addicted to the friction. You get a jolt when she gives and are on pins and needles when she is unclear. Either way, it is very exciting.

yes, sad but true.
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