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Unread 08-06-2017, 07:42 AM   #1
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Default Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Hi,

I'm on a dating site and get many contacts for sex. I usually turn down most of them. But, as I written before, I dated one man who is separated and is bipolar like me and we hit it off pretty well. Now, I'm on there still and so is he. I receive many messages and for fun I talk to other men. Now, there is another man who wants to meet me and is divorced. He is a dentist and doing well financially. However, I talked to him because I am lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. He says he does not get many contacts from women but is still on the site. He is a paying member whereas I am not but still get messages. I don't know if it is fair to play the market so to speak and look around. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. Also, another lover I had who never talks to me except for when he wants sex contacted me today, but I turned him down. I am not interested in being booty call for someone who does not want to talk to me besides when he wants sex. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!
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Unread 08-06-2017, 07:49 AM   #2
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Hi. You may get different opinions on this post because everyone is different and believes different things when it comes to this kind of stuff. It's totally ok in my opinion for you to want to be with more than one person. But the people you are with need to be fully aware of the other person. You can Google non monogamous or polyamory and it explains more about being open or dating multiple people.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 08:06 AM   #3
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Hi,
I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!
Of course it is OK to play the market. I encourage it. I think if you find someone as interesting as the bipolar man then you will be able to stop seeing him. Because your bipolar lover is married, it will always need to be kept a secret. You only need to tell others if you become serious with them and don't drop Mr. bipolar. Date, date, date......

Last edited by Hopingtrying; 08-06-2017 at 09:40 AM. Reason: repetition
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Unread 08-06-2017, 08:30 AM   #4
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

I agree with Hopingtrying. There is nothing wrong with dating others. Best wishes.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 08:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

I say keep your options open. No need to limit yourself to this married man who talks either a good game or is really unsure of himself.
You already recognize that you don't want the other guy that reappeared in your life.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 10:08 AM   #6
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Well, the reason I like the married bipolar man is because he and I share common disorders and experiences. Other men just don't empathize and don't care. He is separated and is good to me. So, I am not too concerned about him hurting me. I know his situation and he knows mine. We get along very well. However, I am hypersexual and lonely at times. Thus, when he is not around, I like talking to other men to decrease my loneliness. I am not looking per se to have sex with other men. I just want to talk to others at times for fun. I think everybody's advice here is good. But, I'm going to just play it safe and stick with him for awhile. He is tall and handsome which helps. Also, he is very romantic. I do like him and hope for the best. I have problems with being hypersexual with men and this may be more of a problem than I care to acknowledge. I need to watch myself. I don't want to get hurt nor hurt anybody. Thank you all for your suggestions though. I will follow my heart and not worry too much about whether or not he will leave his wife. I am like I said not interested in marriage for now. Thus, he says he is leaving and in the process of divorcing. But, for me his just being with me at times makes me happy.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 01:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Quote:
Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Hi,

I'm on a dating site and get many contacts for sex. I usually turn down most of them. But, as I written before, I dated one man who is separated and is bipolar like me and we hit it off pretty well. Now, I'm on there still and so is he. I receive many messages and for fun I talk to other men. Now, there is another man who wants to meet me and is divorced. He is a dentist and doing well financially. However, I talked to him because I am lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. He says he does not get many contacts from women but is still on the site. He is a paying member whereas I am not but still get messages. I don't know if it is fair to play the market so to speak and look around. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. Also, another lover I had who never talks to me except for when he wants sex contacted me today, but I turned him down. I am not interested in being booty call for someone who does not want to talk to me besides when he wants sex. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!
Ask the bipolar man how he sees you and if he thinks there could be a serious relationship. Obviously until then it is probably fine to talk to others too but maybe better not to be intimate with them?
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Unread 08-06-2017, 02:12 PM   #8
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Only 11% of primates on this earth are monogamous. That's it. So where this idea of being monogamous comes from......well for me, I think it's driven my man made religious ideas & ultimately about control!
We are all sexual beings & there's absolutely nothing wrong with exploring that! There should be no guilt; problem is society will make you feel that way. Guaranteed!

It's hard to go against society, but you are in control of your wants & desires & like stated above, keep that message in the forefront of all conversations.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 02:49 PM   #9
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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Only 11% of primates on this earth are monogamous. That's it. So where this idea of being monogamous comes from......well for me, I think it's driven my man made religious ideas & ultimately about control!
We are all sexual beings & there's absolutely nothing wrong with exploring that! There should be no guilt; problem is society will make you feel that way. Guaranteed!

It's hard to go against society, but you are in control of your wants & desires & like stated above, keep that message in the forefront of all conversations.
I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then of course it's entirely their business.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 02:59 PM   #10
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then
of course it's entirely their business.


I did reply that this conversation should be at the forefront. I'm NOT promoting cheating.

And yes I think society has a great deal to do with it. Where does the basic principle come from in being exclusive?
In the primate world it's for breeding purposes only.
So when did humans decide that being monogamous was a moral decision? I'm not wanting to argue here, but bec of our harsh society rules there's many people out there that are dead inside, not really living, bec what they want is not condoned by society.

Why would the original poster even ask if it's ok that they look or talk to other people? Bec they've been taught (by society) it's not really acceptable. Maybe taboo.
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