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Unread 08-06-2017, 03:02 PM   #11
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then of course it's entirely their business.


And is this post directed to me bec it's a fact on here, that I don't hide that I'm a cheater?

Yes I am unfaithful in my marriage.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 04:29 PM   #12
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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I did reply that this conversation should be at the forefront. I'm NOT promoting cheating.

And yes I think society has a great deal to do with it. Where does the basic principle come from in being exclusive?
In the primate world it's for breeding purposes only.
So when did humans decide that being monogamous was a moral decision? I'm not wanting to argue here, but bec of our harsh society rules there's many people out there that are dead inside, not really living, bec what they want is not condoned by society.

Why would the original poster even ask if it's ok that they look or talk to other people? Bec they've been taught (by society) it's not really acceptable. Maybe taboo.
I don't know why she asked. Perhaps she feels that talking to other people out of loneliness is not productive or maybe she realizes her current partner isn't the best choice hence she is looking for other men. I don't know

I don't know about society. I am 51 and lived on two continents and society never pressured me to conduct my relationships in any particular manner. I do whatever the heck I want. I never felt society made me do anything I don't want to (within laws of course like I have to pay taxes lol)
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Unread 08-06-2017, 04:35 PM   #13
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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And is this post directed to me bec it's a fact on here, that I don't hide that I'm a cheater?

Yes I am unfaithful in my marriage.
No I didn't know you cheat, it was a response to you saying that there shouldn't be guilt. I misunderstood you then. I thought you meant one can sleep with others with no guilt.

Since you brought up cheating I don't think you can claim that society made you do that. I just don't see how society makes us do anything that pertains to sex and relationships. Yes in the past. Not in 2017 in the western world imho.

Last edited by divine1966; 08-06-2017 at 04:50 PM.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 04:45 PM   #14
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

If you are single and you want to date and have sex with several guys, it's fine IMHO to go ahead and do that. You should always use protection from STDs.

I am from the school of thought that you don't need to tell one about the other when you are single. If they are smart, they should realize it is a possibility.

If they start to talk about being exclusive, then you need to commit to them and stop seeing other guys.

There's no need to lie. I am not a cheat. If there is no ring on your finger or a spoken understanding of commitment, you don't owe anything to anyone except safe sex.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 04:54 PM   #15
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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If you are single and you want to date and have sex with several guys, it's fine IMHO to go ahead and do that. You should always use protection from STDs.

I am from the school of thought that you don't need to tell one about the other when you are single. If they are smart, they should realize it is a possibility.

If they start to talk about being exclusive, then you need to commit to them and stop seeing other guys.

There's no need to lie. I am not a cheat. If there is no ring on your finger or a spoken understanding of commitment, you don't owe anything to anyone except safe sex.
I agree except I think if you have sex with people, you need to tell them that you aren't being exclusive. There is no 100% safe sex. Condom could break for example. You owe honesty to other people. I don't believe in omitting that info. If you just going out for coffee then who cares.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 07:09 PM   #16
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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I agree except I think if you have sex with people, you need to tell them that you aren't being exclusive. There is no 100% safe sex. Condom could break for example. You owe honesty to other people. I don't believe in omitting that info. If you just going out for coffee then who cares.
I agree, telling one about the other is more honorable. But, players gonna play, know what I mean...

When I was dating, and I know the guy I was dating was messing with other women and he certainly didn't volunteer that information and come out and tell me. Who would? What would I have said? I would have dumped him, knowing he was with someone else. That's why you don't tell. Sure it's kinda skanky. But......
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Unread 08-06-2017, 07:28 PM   #17
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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I agree, telling one about the other is more honorable. But, players gonna play, know what I mean...

When I was dating, and I know the guy I was dating was messing with other women and he certainly didn't volunteer that information and come out and tell me. Who would? What would I have said? I would have dumped him, knowing he was with someone else. That's why you don't tell. Sure it's kinda skanky. But......
Yeah I think cheating or lying is horrible. I do understand though that in the past when divorce was unacceptable or unattainable, especially for women, so there was often no other choice but cheat. Or when people couldn't openly date and had to hide. It's still the case in many cultures. There is no need to do any of it nowadays in the western world whatsoever. We are free to do whatever within limits. Heck that dude who slept around could probably find a girl who wouldn't mind.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 08:15 PM   #18
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

When you first start dating someone, you don't know who else they're seeing. For those first few months, both may be seeing others, but neither will say anything. They will make every effort not to be found out. It doesn't gain you points with someone to tell them you are sleeping with someone else. So, for me, I knew it was probably, I didn't ask, and didn't tell. Then, if we really liked each other, the relationship deepened, and we started spending so much time together, that I KNEW there couldn't be anyone else. Then starts commitment talk.
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Unread 08-06-2017, 08:21 PM   #19
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
When you first start dating someone, you don't know who else they're seeing. For those first few months, both may be seeing others, but neither will say anything. They will make every effort not to be found out. It doesn't gain you points with someone to tell them you are sleeping with someone else. So, for me, I knew it was probably, I didn't ask, and didn't tell. Then, if we really liked each other, the relationship deepened, and we started spending so much time together, that I KNEW there couldn't be anyone else. Then starts commitment talk.
I am ok dating more than one person but prefer not to have sex with more than one. To each its own.
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Unread 08-07-2017, 02:45 AM   #20
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Default Re: Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Thank you all for your input and suggestions. I got off the dating site and am still in contact with the man with bipolar. I don't plan to have sex with other men. I just wanted to talk with other men because at times I am lonely. I realized men just want to meet and have sex. Thus, I'm just going to stay with the man with bipolar for awhile and see what happens. I don't like to have sex with men who I have no relationship with since sex becomes a chore in the end. I do like the man with bipolar very much. We have alot in common besides are illnesses. He comes from the same area my father was born and raised and his mother is from the same area my mother is from. He is really sweet and nice. I don't know if we have a future but for now we get along really well. This is all that matters to me now.
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