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Unread 05-26-2017, 01:23 PM   #11
Poohbah
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Default Re: Extreme loneliness and low self-esteem and making friends

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Originally Posted by prefabsprout View Post
Things often roll from there - and most people are interesting (if you don't find them so then maybe they aren't the right friend for you).
Thinking more about that, I'm not sure I find many people interesting. So maybe I'm just stuck in the wrong part of the country?

I ended up in a group conversation last night. I could have been doing something else with my time. Like getting more work done. That's probably what I need to do. Just work 2 or 3 three jobs and get as many hours as I can physically handle and then maybe I won't be bored. Fortunately, I'll be working overtime this summer so a lot of days will just be eating, sleeping, and working. That just seems to be the key to not being bored or lonely: just work constantly.
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Unread 08-11-2017, 01:39 PM   #12
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Default Re: Extreme loneliness and low self-esteem and making friends

As an update, I was less lonely when I was working this summer. Now that that job is over and I'm waiting to see what happens with the interviews I've had this week for a full time job in the Fall/Spring, the feelings of severe loneliness have come back.

Even worse, my relationship is now long distance and there's no one I'm remotely close to in the town I'm living in. I have at least some guaranteed employment here, so I couldn't go with him. I can fill my down time right now with chores, organizing my living space, getting work done on long and short term projects, but I'm so empty that I can't get much done.

I mean, what's the point of anything I do, if I don't really have enough connections to share it with to have my social needs fulfilled? I may be shy/socially anxious and get overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, but I'm not really an introvert. I've been rejected and essentially left out by most of my family. I was rejected by all my close friends in the past. The first person I tried to get close to when I first moved to where I am now (about 6 years ago) rejected me in an unnecessarily brutal fashion. I originally lived with roommates, but one of them ended up triggering the hell out of me, so I don't feel safe moving in with someone outside of my boyfriend and that's not financially possible right now. I can't get a pet either because I'm unable to provide the home an animal needs to thrive right now. So I'm completely alone, abandoned, and have had chronic severe loneliness for about 6 years now. Who knows how many years or decades that's already taken off my life span.

My only hope is to get one of the jobs I just applied for so I'm around people all day. At the job I really want, I'd be around hundreds of people everyday and the coworkers are like a family. It's almost like I'd have a family of my very own since I apparently won't get my needs met from my family of origin and I'm just not good enough to make my own.
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Unread 08-11-2017, 02:48 PM   #13
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Default Re: Extreme loneliness and low self-esteem and making friends

It sounds like you did better amongst people, that's great you made that discovery. Looking for more work sounds like a positive step for your well being. Lots of people get their main social stimuli from work so you're not as different as you may think. Good for you!
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Unread 08-11-2017, 05:58 PM   #14
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Default Re: Extreme loneliness and low self-esteem and making friends

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Originally Posted by prefabsprout View Post
It sounds like you did better amongst people, that's great you made that discovery. Looking for more work sounds like a positive step for your well being. Lots of people get their main social stimuli from work so you're not as different as you may think. Good for you!
That may be true, but that's only if I get one of those jobs. Otherwise, I'll likely have to do a night job so I can get as many day and evening hours as possible at one of my part time jobs, so I'd be more isolated then.

I also assume that most people, even if their main social stimuli is work, that's not their only one (or one of their only ones). Presumably most people have one or two close friends and several they feel comfortable calling up to hang out every once in a while. I would think they'd at least have one or two they could hang out with, even if they weren't close. I'm not going to be close to people at work nor hang out with them so I'd still not be getting my needs met. I'd be fine at work (if I get a para job at a high school), but I'd become severely lonely as soon as I got home. I guess not being severely lonely part of the day is better than being lonely all the time. There's that I guess.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 12:03 PM   #15
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Default Re: Extreme loneliness and low self-esteem and making friends

I definitely think it's a step in the right direction.
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