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Unread 03-17-2017, 12:05 PM   #141
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

Divorce isn't the easiest way. None of your options are easy. I think, on this thread, we've tried to appreciate everything you've shared. You're the person in the situation. It's your call. If you think you can rekindle the love, then - by all means - work on that. Boredom can definitely kill a marriage. If you think you failed to put enough energy into the marriage, maybe that's something you can change.

As you say, time will tell.
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Unread 03-19-2017, 06:54 PM   #142
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The only thing I hate is the fact she didn't even give us a chance when I got back. I'm just at a crossroad. Her mother even said to me again yesterday that her daughter loves me and she has never seen her love a man like she loves me. She gave me a lot of words of encouragement. She even told her mom on numerous occasions that she didn't want the rest of her family(Grandma, aunts,uncles ect) to know that we are separated in case we do get back together, she didn't want them to look at me differently. Her family is involved with Kingdom Hall (Jehovah Witness) but my wife was disfellowshiped when she got got pregnant before we where married. I really wish she would get right with God again to help guide her instead of having those negative influences she is hanging around.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 05:01 AM   #143
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

listening to her mother is not healthy, I am sorry but she can't possibly know if her daughter loves you. Your wife has proven herself to be incredibly clever when it comes to her self preservation, she knows what to say to keep everyone on side.She has experienced the backlash before of stepping out of line with her families beliefs and she is smart e not to do it again.
Mother in Law telling you what you want to hear is not supportive, your wife knows she will pass on the message and DiD you even hear what you just wrote?
She doesn't want her family to know incase you get back together.
Translation: just keep him on the back burner in case I fk this up too.Also she knows her family will pressure her into going back to you, you said yourself they are heavily religious,she probably just doesn't want the earache.

And If she did come back to you, she'll probably be resentful and embittered because things didn't turn out how she wanted.
You want to be her last option?
I dunno I guess if your happy so long as she is with you, wether she truly wants to be or not at least you'll be happy.
Have you always been so single minded almost blinkered in your views?

What I mean is, your wife is reaching out for support from these other people because they support her TRUE intentions.
Why do you think she doesn't turn to her family?
She knows what they will say, they will want her to work on her marriage. That isn't what she,wants and she obviously does NOT want people around her giving her that advice.

She has surrounded herself with people who she feels will support her decision to break free and move on.
Wishing for it to be something else is futile.

The more you tell us about your wife and this situation, the more intelligent she appears and the more well planned this seems to have been.

Whilst I was always aware she had orchestrated this carefully, I had underestimated the depth and complexities of hurdles she was going to encounter. She has done an excellent job of keeping everything absolutely in her control and moving at her pace.

I am sorry you find yourself no further forward, continue to go to counselling, keep doing things for yourself, I still think you need to extricate yourself from her mother a bit more. Is there not a pastor or someone you could go too?
Please take care of yourself.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 10:10 AM   #144
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

P.s did it occur to you that her families beliefs are exactly the reason she doesn't want to be the one to petition for a divorce.
Now that you have brought into light the moral standing of her family. A lot more of what she is doing makes sense.
You might also consider this when our speak to her, taking off the pressure might result in her being more forth coming with telling you what she really wants.

Or has she told you and you are just not hearing her?

Maybe you could meditate on that for a while.

Take Care.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 04:16 PM   #145
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

There is support and there is....opinion...from a bunch of strangers that you, OP, DO NOT KNOW!

People speaking here know NOTHING of you or your situation.

NOTHING.

And anyone you know could find this thread with a simple search....is that what you want to happen? Maybe....

I'm out. This is all too annoying to me.
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Last edited by sophiesmom; 03-20-2017 at 08:13 PM.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 04:51 PM   #146
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

Sophie, I'm here because I am lost, looking for support. I obviously need help, which brings me to this site. All I see is bad outcomes. I have yet to see a good outcome. It's just a place for me to vent about my frustrations.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 06:17 PM   #147
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

Hi Dad
read through most of the threads... don't make any rash decisions, take your time with it. yes 10 years is alot of investment in another person, but it takes 2 people to try to make things work.

like the other's said. self care is so impt right now and being there for your kids....

yes its hard with kids involved...but kids are adaptable, and its better to be apart than to be in a marriage just for the sake of the kids, i know you still love her, i think your just struggling with the fact that your marriage could be really over...

like said earlier take your time, grieve if you have too. but most importantly look after yourself and your kids
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Unread 03-21-2017, 02:51 PM   #148
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My kids have their first baseball practice today. She is supposed to be there. This will be the first time physically seeing her and being around her since I left for deployment. This is going to be really ackward
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Unread 03-21-2017, 03:06 PM   #149
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

You can handle it!
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Unread 03-21-2017, 04:25 PM   #150
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Default Re: Marriage separation after deployment

To game. At first we seen each other she said on the bleachers and I kind a stood on the side, but then I notice she started texting people Amy just made me feel uncomfortable knowing that she might be Texan other men. So I ended up leaving. Right now it's hard to be around all of that
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