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Old 10-13-2016, 03:42 PM   #11
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I know your heart is in the right place here but to be honest, like I said previously let's not lump extroverts and introverts into one large lump or the other that are all the same. The only thing that's different is that one prefers and is energized by outside social interactions, generally. The other, generally is not.

Introverts are not averse to social interaction entirely nor is any introvert exactly like the other, and introversion comes in different degrees. Same as extroverts.

I wholeheartedly disagree that she should not try for fear that she will just be frustrated therefore extroverted people, in general are not worth her time? come on. That's a very broad brush you paint with. Extroverts can and will get along and enjoy introverts and vice versa. The problem lies in when either type tries to conform to what the other is. introversion does not mean NOT EVER being social but being limited in how long one can tolerate it. Extroversion does not mean they NEVER NEED recharge time either. This is all very big misconceptions from overemphasizing the trait of being either type of person.

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I get what you're saying, but I'm not so sure if I could ever be good friends with an extrovert. They'd probably get annoyed at me after awhile for not being more like they are, idk.

All of my friends are introverts like me. I wouldn't avoid trying to be friends with an extrovert, but I doubt that we'd ever become good friends.
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Old 10-13-2016, 03:45 PM   #12
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

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Originally Posted by prefabsprout View Post
I think it's a spectrum, one end very extroverted, other end very introverted and everyone else in between - some of us hover in the middle (I tend to introversion but only moderately according to MBTI test).

From my own perspective as a moderately introverted person I will say I can find people who are extremely introverted quite difficult to read, they don't usually give out much to go on and I can find conversations harder work (at the same time I'm aware that I prefer others to do the talking myself!). That said I do know the difference between rudeness/aloofness and introversion, because of my own tendencies. There's no way I would discount someone as a friend because of that one trait even if they were very introverted, I agree with S4nd that it is just one trait and there are so many facets to a person other than that one aspect.

Also would just like to add that there is a difference between shyness and introversion, it's even possible to be extroverted and shy. I personally am not particularly shy but am still introverted in nature.

I don't think it's necessary to socialise only with others on a similar point of the introversion/extroversion spectrum personally, surely variety is good in friendships?

The only problem is if as in LucyG's experience people do not respect others wishes, but that seems to me to be more of a boundary issue.
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What do you mean by introverts are hard to read? I don't think that I am. I was told that my body language is not warm and welcoming, but my ***** sister told me that, so I don't know if that's true or not as no one else has told me that.

I think that I'm a nice open person and if others think that I'm being "rude" for not talking enough, or not smiling enough, then that's their problem, not mine.
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Old 10-13-2016, 04:43 PM   #13
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert View Post
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What do you mean by introverts are hard to read? I don't think that I am. I was told that my body language is not warm and welcoming, but my ***** sister told me that, so I don't know if that's true or not as no one else has told me that.

I think that I'm a nice open person and if others think that I'm being "rude" for not talking enough, or not smiling enough, then that's their problem, not mine.
I maybe should have emphasised the word 'can', not meaning that introverts are intrinsically hard to read. I have been told by close friends that when they first knew me I was though, and I have found this trait in others.

Body language in those tending to introversion can sometimes be 'closed' in my experience, and I include myself in that, because sometimes I actually do just want to be left alone and my posture can give that vibe out.

It's not necessarily a 'bad' thing IMO, just a difference, introverts do keep a little bit more to themselves - a friend once described me as 'cautious'. I need to feel sure footed before I share my thoughts, whereas I know sharing is not usually a big deal with more extroverted types. That's okay though.
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Old 10-13-2016, 05:01 PM   #14
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

I'm the same way, I do usually keep to myself more, and even now I'm more cautious with some friends. I find that a lot of people just don't want to deal with any problems that don't involve them. I found this out recently with one friend of mine as she said nothing about a bad situation that I told her about.

I also need to be sure of someone before I open up to them as I have been burned way to many times by people who would shun me, or worse, stab me in the back by telling others what I told them in private. So now I have trust issues.

It does seem as if most extroverts have no problem telling other people their life story and giving out all their personal info out right away which baffles me as that's just not a safe thing to do IMHO.
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Old 10-19-2016, 11:53 AM   #15
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert View Post
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I get what you're saying, but I'm not so sure if I could ever be good friends with an extrovert. They'd probably get annoyed at me after awhile for not being more like they are, idk.

All of my friends are introverts like me. I wouldn't avoid trying to be friends with an extrovert, but I doubt that we'd ever become good friends.

some good information here to clear up some of the major misconceptions and stereotypes that seem to be assumed here:

Let's Quit It with the Introvert/Extrovert Nonsense

The Differences Between Extraversion and Introversion

some excerpts:

"...Jung described extraversion and introversion as “attitude types”. An attitude type refers to the type of energy with which a person goes about life. Introversion doesn’t merely mean shy and extroversion doesn’t always mean “life of the party..."
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Old 10-19-2016, 02:45 PM   #16
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
some good information here to clear up some of the major misconceptions and stereotypes that seem to be assumed here:





some excerpts:





"...Jung described extraversion and introversion as “attitude types”. An attitude type refers to the type of energy with which a person goes about life. Introversion doesn’t merely mean shy and extroversion doesn’t always mean “life of the party..."


Amen!



Many misconceptions yes and a personal pet peeve of mine, I have to admit.



I am an introvert by nature, but I often easily get mistaken for an extrovert because I am super friendly, have zero social anxiety and don't have even one shy bone in my body.



I get along with people of all types, but people generally just tire me out.



I get "All socialled out" quite easily and need to recharge for quite some time after exposure.



ETA: Oh sorry, and in response to the question in the thread title...



Shy = hard to read, hard to read can in some cases equal distrust.



So it may not be an outright dislike of the shy person, but more a "I have no idea where I stand with this person so its safer to keep my distance"

My T and I had a talk about that just after I started working, I couldn't figure out my moody manager and turns out she couldn't figure me out either because I was always silently buried in my work. Me hoping to be unobtrusive led to her not meshing with me smoothly. Once I started initiating more convos and building a rapport with her she stopped yelling about where I was hiding.
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Old 10-20-2016, 04:37 PM   #17
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
some good information here to clear up some of the major misconceptions and stereotypes that seem to be assumed here:

Let's Quit It with the Introvert/Extrovert Nonsense

The Differences Between Extraversion and Introversion

some excerpts:

"...Jung described extraversion and introversion as “attitude types”. An attitude type refers to the type of energy with which a person goes about life. Introversion doesn’t merely mean shy and extroversion doesn’t always mean “life of the party..."
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Thanks for the links!
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Old 10-20-2016, 04:40 PM   #18
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

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Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
Amen!



Many misconceptions yes and a personal pet peeve of mine, I have to admit.



I am an introvert by nature, but I often easily get mistaken for an extrovert because I am super friendly, have zero social anxiety and don't have even one shy bone in my body.



I get along with people of all types, but people generally just tire me out.



I get "All socialled out" quite easily and need to recharge for quite some time after exposure.



ETA: Oh sorry, and in response to the question in the thread title...



Shy = hard to read, hard to read can in some cases equal distrust.



So it may not be an outright dislike of the shy person, but more a "I have no idea where I stand with this person so its safer to keep my distance"

My T and I had a talk about that just after I started working, I couldn't figure out my moody manager and turns out she couldn't figure me out either because I was always silently buried in my work. Me hoping to be unobtrusive led to her not meshing with me smoothly. Once I started initiating more convos and building a rapport with her she stopped yelling about where I was hiding.
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Perhaps you're right about what you said. That's great that you and your manager are starting to build a rapport now, yay!

Honestly, I think it's stupid for some people to not trust someone for not telling them their life story upon first meeting them, or offering all of their personal info right away like their address, full name, etc.....

It's like, uh, how do I know if I can trust you or not? You could be a felon or a serial killer for all I know, lol!
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Old 10-20-2016, 05:00 PM   #19
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Default Re: Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

There is a difference between being introverted, shy and socially anxious. Not all introverts are shy and not all socially anxious people are introverts believe it or not. I think people can sense the discomfort of others. If someone is socially anxious around someone they just met, the non anxious person senses their discomfort and can read it as rejection or just feel uncomfortable themselves. It's nature to feel less favorable towards someone who makes you uncomfortable. You also seem to have your own preconceptions about extroverts which perhaps they pick up on.
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