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Unread 10-02-2011, 08:23 PM   #1
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Default Broken relationship with my parents: wanting to move on

I don't know how it is to have a healthy and loving relationship with my parents. I am 29 years old and I still yearn to know how it is to have unconditional love by my parents.

On Sept 14th I had went through brain surgery in hoping that it will reduce or stop the seizures. Everyone went well and there are no complications after the surgery. I am healing very well.

I wish I could feel comfortable to see my parents but there are too many hurtful feelings and I don't want to get hurt again by them. In my family I grew up in a place where physical abuse was present and a father that is still an alcoholic. The family stayed together but still the tension is always there. I had moved by home so that I can prepare for my surgery. I needed to save money for the traveling cost of the surgery and I also needed to be in a situation where others can care for me after the surgery. I was living with my family for only 1-2 months until my father in another drunken rage kicked me out. I spoke to my mom and never once did she stood up for me and just went along with things. In a time in my life where I made the scariest choice to go through the brain surgery my parents were never by my side and actually made things worst for me.

Now I'm on my own with the help from siblings and friends I'm recovering just fine and I'm healthy. I still think about my parents and they want to visit but they know they dont have the right to take part in this time of my life. After going through this serious surgery I want to live my life differently and I dont want to carry the burden of the pain of my broken family anymore.

To move on from the pain of my family does that mean I have to let my parents back into my life. Can I move on from the pain of my family and not let them take part in my life?
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Unread 10-02-2011, 09:20 PM   #2
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Default Re: Broken relationship with my parents: wanting to move on

My thought is you don't need to have your parents in your life to grieve and move past your pain. Setting healthy boundaries may even help with that process.
I wish you well on healing from your surgery.
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Unread 10-02-2011, 09:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Broken relationship with my parents: wanting to move on

i grew up with an abusive father and a mother who stood by and did nothing. i forgot most of my childhood but in my late forties many memories came crashing back causing a nervous breakdown. over the years i had played dutiful daughter which led to much pain and stress. after the breakdown and return of many abusive memories i wrote my father a long letter outlining the abuse and asked that there no longer be any contact. by this time my mother has alzheimers and really no longer remembers me. i have had so much healing by no longer engaging in the family role of good child any longer, stressing over buying the right gifts for fathers day, birthdays, and christmas to insure his feelings are catered to. i, for one, do not see anything wrong with breaking off contact with an unhealthy, damaged, abusive realationship with parents in order to assure healing in one self. it has brought me so much peace and healing. i wish you luck.
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