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Unread 07-20-2011, 01:51 PM   #1
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Default I have a dysfunctional abuse family< I have no support in my life

I wish my family would Man or Woman up and just finally choose who is wrong and right in this family. No one wants to get involved and pretend that everything is perfectly fine. Father is a drunk, mother smooches, enabler, pretends that she's helpless, brother is a drunk, stupid, violent and he feels he is entitled to everything on earth because he wasnt able to read in school. I am sick and tired of theses members in my family and many times I would walk away from these people but I always find myself going back to help but this time its over. I was the one who needed help because I am preparing for my surgery for my epilepsy so yeah I am get brain surgery. Regardless it's still not enough for these people and they still beat on me, threw me against the wall, had me in a choke hold and my father kicked me out when I only had $800 in my name and my mom told me well thats what I get for always wanting to help people, I should mind my own business and I should already know that my brother has a anger problem and father is a drunk so thats what I get, other than that she doesn't know anything about what had happened. What the hell!!! She left me out for dead. She will only help if there is an advantage where she'll get something out of it. After everything she tried to get me to help me again!!! After all of this had happen.

They left me out for dead and when they know I needed the most support in my life right now. The hell with them so I left got my own place, have roommates and taking care of myself which I've become perfect at. Well for the rest of the siblings no one wants to speak up, no one wants to pick sides, they are friends with everyone. Well I'm sick of it. I want to feel I have someone's support. I dont want to feel alone in this family anymore. My other siblings might as well abandon me too if they are not going to console me and be there for me when I need the most support in my life. The HELL with all of them. NO one wants to talk about how messed up this family is. Yup we have the all american family.

I bet you're wondering what caused all the fighting right: Father was already drunk and was mad that the dog needed grooming and he had to drive the dog to the store. It wasn't my idea, not my dog and I didn't ask him for the favor but guess what he took his anger out on me when at first I was calm and told him he's talking to the wrong person and need to vent to the right person. He kept yelling at me, calling me names and finally I said, look you're a drunk you're crazy so leave me alone. That was it and he got in my face, kicked me out and soon enough he joined in when the brother had me in a choke hold. My dad pushed my faced down as I was getting choked.

How in the world did my brother get involved. Well a month ago he had thrown in against the wall. I had to put up with it bc I needed a place to stay so I just let things be. This time the brother tried so be the good guy and told my dad and I to stay in our own space. He came out at the time when my dad just got in my face and was telling him already to leave me alone. My brother told me its always my fault and I always cause the problem. I told him to leave me alone and I can handle my own business. He laughed at me and said "oh yeah like how you handled your business when I threw you up the wall right, sis" and he walked away and laughed. I yelled and told him he's a ***** up and to leave me alone. that made him mad and in seconds he turned around and put me in a choke hold. I couldn't get out with two men on top of me so I did what I could and grabbed my brother by his groin and twisted them and I ran for my life. My dad tried to stop me but I knew I had to get to a safe place and finally I called the cops on all of them.

From then on I've been living on my own, about 3 months now. I bet you want to know how old we are, I'm 29, brother is 20 and dad is in his mid fifties.
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Unread 07-20-2011, 02:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: I have a dysfunctional abuse family< I have no support in my life

So sorry you've gone through this hell.

You have to stay away from them and continue to build your own life.

I myself had to get away from my family and I also had to learn how to stop engaging with them. Lots of therapy helped, time helped, and claiming my own life has made all the difference.

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Unread 07-20-2011, 03:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: I have a dysfunctional abuse family< I have no support in my life

It pains me to read your story, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you called the cops and got yourself out of their. its heart warming to hear that your standing your ground and deciding not to go back. but please do not get mad at your other sibling for wanting to be neutral in this situation. respect their decision for you still havent lost them yet. you might have given up on your dad, brother, and mom, but you still have your other siblings, don't give up on them yet and loose them. and i understand why you feel like you have no support in your life from your family members, but understand that your not completely lost and alone in the woods. you still have friends and their support. they can help light your way if you let them. don't be afraid to open up to them and accept their help. sometime your friends can make you feel like family. so try not to feel bad about not having your family members there with their support because you will always have support from your friends (extended family).

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Unread 07-20-2011, 03:39 PM   #4
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Default Re: I have a dysfunctional abuse family< I have no support in my life


Gentle hugs to you.

Do what you need to do for yourself to feel secure and loved. The brain surgery is not an easy thing to go through ~ especially without loving support & understanding from others. The brain surgery always brings up huge swings of emotions. It really helps when people are there to support you through the pain.

Online, there are many of us who can offer our support and understanding of what you're going through. But, I know that I couldn't handle seeing written communication for a couple of months after my surgery. I sure NEEDED that support, but I couldn't focus my eyes (actually "eye", my left was covered for more than 3 months) to read. I was very resistant to pain meds, so I couldn't talk on phones either. I just wanted someone to sit at my side and hold my hand.

Sounds easy enough...but it wasn't. My kids were too young to grasp that concept. My hub did his part by keeping my girls entertained and loved when he was around. Otherwise, my mom did that. Either way, I was still very alone. And I was in a lot of pain.

The surgery worked for me. I suppose that I can't complain too much. But I still do! It was just a very difficult experience for me to go through.

A very powerful, life-changing experience to go through. I recommend holding onto people that can and will support you throughout recovery. The more loving people who are willing to help, the better! This way you aren't burdening one or two people. Instead, a few people rotate with a few things that they don't mind helping you with, without any resentment building up inside of themselves. If worse does come to worse, and you don't feel that you have any friends or family that will help you, look into getting professional assistance.

Check out your local county social services for their assitance. Social workers can meet with you. They may decide that a visiting nurse, and independent helper would be helpful to you. There are those people out there, so you don't have to feel so alone.

Very best wishes sent your way!

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace."
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Unread 07-20-2011, 04:42 PM   #5
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Default Re: I have a dysfunctional abuse family< I have no support in my life

I was raised by an abusive father. it was a family secret, my family was totally dysfunctional. Then here in my 40's, going through social work school, all the traumatic memories began coming back and i had a nervous breakdown. at that point i basically disowned my father. my siblings didnt understand, "it wasnt that bad" they say. i refused to make excuses and live a lie anymore. im free. i have a new family and support system in the people who care for me in my life today. i dont need those people who brought me nothing but harm. any contact with them brings me nothing but anxiety. it feels good not to have that in my life any more.
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