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Unread 01-24-2011, 07:12 PM   #1
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Default mixed feelings and confusion over guy friend..long post,sorry

......well,my problem right now is trying to figure out the motivations of a close guy friend..1 year ago my current ex boyfriend and i separated for a few days,kinda(he would never let me go)..during that time i started looking up old friends on facebook which included a guy whom i new when i was a young teenager,i will call him K,,,K was going through a breakup at the time and we started talking,,for 4 months K tried to get me to be with him,always saying i was beautiful and he really liked me,,then when K realized i would not escape my current ex and start a relationship with him he found a girlfriend,,i feel bad for keeping him at a distance back then..i know K cares for the girlfriend because of what he does for her and puts up with from her.. but is very unhappy(long story)..each time they are having trouble,K contacts me and we just talk,,getting out some things he needs to talk about,i have always listened and helped if i could,,K has also always listened to my troubles and offered his shoulder as well.then we didnt talk for a couple of months.i always turned away his advances and probably made him feel rejected.we didnt talk for a couple of months..when i escaped my current ex almost 3 months ago,i called him because i wanted to ask him if he still had a message i sent to him one day out of fear of my ex and i could use it as evidence for the trial,,K did not still have it but was very concerned for me and for 1 1/2 months K called me regularly just to make sure i was ok..and he started flirting again,but this time he is the one in a relationship and it doesnt seem hes willing to end it yet,and i havent suggested he should,,im just there for him when he needs someone to talk to.its usually a couple of weeks between our talks now.K has come over to my apartment 2xs now,just to talk for an hour or 2 then leaves,once 6 weeks ago and then last monday..thats what friends are for right? well,K was over the other night and we talked and enjoyed an hour and a half of just gabbing,,but when he was at the door to leave he hugged me,i returned the hug and he gave me a peck on the lips,,i felt guilty and told him he shouldnt do that because hes in a relationship with someone else,and i pulled away,but it felt really nice to be wanted that way,and i got all flustered,K then reached for me and i didnt pull away,,he placed his hands on each side of my face/neck and gave me the most beautiful real kiss i have ever experienced..we both got flustered at that point and when K walked out the door we both had a hard time getting any words out that made any sense,the words were all stumbled and now i cant even remember what was said except i told him to drive safe..i cant stop thinking of that kiss and how if i had of accepted his advances a year ago i would be his girlfriend instead of being the friend..i also have mixed feelings because a girlfriend told me once that "if a guy will cheat with you then he would cheat on you" we have a real connection that could be real love or is he just playing me..K is a very sexual person and is always saying something to me that is flirting..sometimes i end up teasing back...i cant seem to see what his motivations are,, like , 1 year ago did he see that i was vunerable and thats why he wanted to hook up,,does K see that now,,or is he really interested in me as a person..we have a friendship,but idk if im paranoid of his advances because of my own insecurities..and its starting to become a relationship that will lead to sex eventually,,but how do i just accept him having a relationship with someone and continue the friendship with him if its becoming something more than friends..i have morals and do not want to hurt another woman by having sex with someones boyfriend even though i know how unhappy the relationship is becoming too hard to keep those morals with K..i constantly have a guard up with all men right now because of what ive just gone through with my ex,so i question everything about everyone confused and its bugging me that the kiss was so awesome..i have been through so much and im overwhelmed with trying to make the right choices..i have extremely low self esteem when it comes to being in a relationship,and there are many issues i need to learn to deal with,including hating my body and abuse from my ex..i know i would not make a good partner right now but the loneliness is too much for me to handle..i feel even worse because its like im addicted to affection..ive never been alone except the past 3 months(almost)..i have 4 beautiful and wonderful children whom i love dearly,but that isnt the kind of closeness i am craving..any advice to help me sort these thoughts out would be helpful...thank-you
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Unread 01-24-2011, 07:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: mixed feelings and confusion over guy friend..long post,sorry

Just my opinion but I think you need to get completely out of the bad relationship you were in before even thinking about starting a new relationship. You need to be comfortable being yourself and not feel 'needy' for a man.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous
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