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Old 04-15-2019, 04:53 PM #21
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

You might frighten your boyfriend. People don't understand or know how to respond to someone who talks about feeling suicidal, that's why it's better to talk to a therapist that understands it and can validate you in ways nonprofessionals can't or don't know how.
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Old 04-15-2019, 05:41 PM #22
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You might frighten your boyfriend. People don't understand or know how to respond to someone who talks about feeling suicidal, that's why it's better to talk to a therapist that understands it and can validate you in ways nonprofessionals can't or don't know how.
Thank you. And yes I totally see where you're coming from.

However, if the tables were turned and he was feeling this way and couldn't communicate this with me I'd feel so hurt by that.

I can't keep on pretending to him I'm ok. He's knows something isn't right. He's asked a few times, he even dug a bit suggesting topics that could have been on my mind such as friends family work is etc. If he'd had asked if I'm having problems with ME then I'm pretty sure I would have just broken down and spilled it all.

I'm not mad at him at all for not asking the RIGHT things, it's just makes it a little easier if you know what I mean... To have someone prompt a little to get you started
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Old 04-15-2019, 06:22 PM #23
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

I think you might inform him so that he knows what is going on, but not expect him to be able to heal you. He can support you but the actual healing work would be done with a therapist.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:03 PM #24
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

I have suicidal ideation from time to time. It unfortunately goes along with depression...particularly chronic untreated depression. It's not new to me so at this point I've trained myself to just let the thoughts be...if I don't build them up too much or fear them too much they start to settle down in time. I DO tell my partner. Sometimes my mother. It's a relief to tell someone because when I try to only keep the thoughts to myself they get more frequent or more intense. My partner doesn't need to do anything, just listens or gives me a hug or asks if I need a ride to the doctor.

if I get to a point when nothing is letting up and I feel very scared of what i might do, I just go to a doctor and say that my depression is really bad. I don't even necessarily mention the suicidal ideation....usually they can tell when they see me that I feel awful. I often find that just the conversation and connection with an experienced doctor makes me feel better. And of course they'll talk about new therapy options because meds have never worked for me and they make me sick with side-effects. Often by the time I get home after the appointment, I feel quite a bit better. The last time I did therapy, my psychologist was not helpful with suicidal ideation because she'd shut the talk down or shame me when I really wanted to share the bizarre ideas in my mind. However, a better therapist would probably talk it all through with you and perhaps offer coping strategies.

Does it help to tell us? I have called helplines a few times in my life when I was living alone and there was nobody to tell.

One time, I was having really intense suicidal ideation out of nowhere (with no desire to act on it) and my partner knows that meditation helps me. it was late at night. he helped me get to bed (I was crying a lot) and then put on a guided meditation on YouTube which was designed for people feeling suicidal. It calmed me and then I was able to fall asleep. By the time I woke up, I felt better. Good sleep is very important for daily regulation of emotions. How's your sleep?
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:04 PM #25
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

I also found an article written for partners of people living with depression. My guy said it was really helpful.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:07 PM #26
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

And with the people I love, I have directly told all of them, during calm times, that my mental health is not their responsibility and that if I ever tell them I have suidical ideation, it is NEVER a suicide threat (that would be emotional abuse) but just me sharing some scary thoughts so they don't build up in my mind too much. If someone is actually intending to end their life, they don't tell anyone, they just go off and do it. But it is helpful to explain the difference to people you are close to. They'll be less inclined to panic and more likely to be helpful.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:08 PM #27
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

if you had difficulty breathing or you had severe chest pains would you keep them to yourself? would you seek medical attention? more then likely you would seek attention, so why are these thoughts any different? seek medical attention. find a therapist. counselor. call a help line. get the issue addressed. know what you are dealing with..and if needed see a psychiatrist or your dr for medication. difficulty breathing makes living difficult, as does chest pains...so do suicidal thoughts. asking for help here is good but really no one here can really help make you "better" ie make the thoughts go away or address them. none of us possess those skills. you need someone who has mad skills and knows how to use them.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:22 PM #28
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

There's no stigma against telling someone that you have sharp chest pains. There is however both stigma and fear around suicidal ideation. So those examples are quite different. If we can have dialogue (not during an emergency, that is when a person immediately needs a doctor) about suicidal ideation, how common it is, how it can be worked through...I think that could help people to feel more comfortable in actually seeking professional help. Shutting people down as soon as they mention SI only adds to the stigma. Though yes, of course PC is neither a therapy nor an emergency response. But we can certainly talk about unpleasant thoughts and feelings, right? To remind people that these are symptoms of depression and panic....the thoughts don't make you weird or a freak or broken....they are communication from Body, Mind, and Spirit that some changes are required in order to regain balance and peace.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:34 PM #29
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

going to a professional and speaking of those thoughts does not apply stigma. unless you apply it. mental illness is just that, an illness, same as diabetes, heart disease, etc. to not address those symptoms is placing yourself in a dangerous situation..same as you ignored those other symptoms. I am not saying don't talk about them, but if you are that concerned to address them , then perhaps address them in a manner to get help. we are talking here about suicidal thoughts. original poster sounded concerned enough to bring the issue up, I just felt that it meant addressing it with professionals who could apply actual resources to the situation..just as they would if it were other serious medical concerns.
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Old 04-15-2019, 07:36 PM #30
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Default Re: Suicidal thoughts

Doctors and therapists are there when you need them. For other times, try some meditation and see if it gives your mind a rest...are you able to step outside of the negative thoughts or at least see them as less significant than they are? We don't have to believe our thoughts, right?

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