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Old 03-26-2019, 06:08 AM #1
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Default Ghosted & It Hurts

A dear gf of mine that I met online a few years ago suddenly ghosted me last year and it really hurts.

We had been pen pals for about two years, emailing lengthy and personal emails to each other. We became very close friends and related on numerous levels. We helped each other through our respective life challenges as well.

She traveled overseas to work a year ago and then suddenly ghosted me out of the blue. All I am left with is: what did I say or do wrong?

I don't obsess over it, but I randomly thought of her this morning, hoping she is Ok and it hurt all over again.

So why do people ghost each other? Especially when you've met online? Do people think it's easier because they've never met in person?

All it does is leave bad feelings and it leaves the ghosted questioning what they did to turn them off.

I would have preferred if she had just been honest with me if she no longer wished to continue being pen pals. Honesty would hurt too, but far less than ghosting.
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Old 03-26-2019, 06:52 AM #2
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Could you ask her what’s up?
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Old 03-26-2019, 06:59 AM #3
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

I tried... several times. I emailed a few different times saying what's going on? Did I do something wrong? And are you OK? Then in my last email I told her that what she did really hurt me. NO replies to any of my last emails. Then of course I worried that something bad had happened to her. And that's what happens when you get ghosted.
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Old 03-26-2019, 07:01 AM #4
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Remember, you might not have done anything. There could be something going on with her that you just do not know about.
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Old 03-26-2019, 07:19 AM #5
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Very true. She was having a lot of inner strife and trouble when she moved overseas. I just worry that something horrible happened but I don’t know anything. She could have just eased out of the friendship and I definitely would have gotten the hint. She could have said “oh I’m just so busy” instead.
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Old 03-26-2019, 08:19 AM #6
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

If I were you, I would do my best to not take it personally. Many times people just become wrapped up in other things and life gets in the way. I'm sure it's nothing you said or did.
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Old 03-26-2019, 12:02 PM #7
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Thank you! I’ll try but that’s hard for me.
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Old 03-26-2019, 12:11 PM #8
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

I’m sorry this happened! It would hurt anyone who cared about their friend. I too would prefer it if someone gently eased out of the friendship.. much kinder. And as you said it also leaves you with the questions of
A) what if anything did you do “wrong”
B) maybe something bad has happened to her



I get it. I promise that many here understand. This sort of thing hurts.
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Old 03-26-2019, 02:34 PM #9
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
A dear gf of mine that I met online a few years ago suddenly ghosted me last year and it really hurts.
I'm sorry to hear you are hurting. If it is someone you know only Online, it is possible that she decided she wants to only be friends with people she met.

Or maybe she decied to go social media free and focus more on her family.

Whatever it may be, it is highly unlikely that it's anything personal against you.
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Old 03-26-2019, 02:38 PM #10
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Default Re: Ghosted & It Hurts

Well finally I think I know what the term means. I am really quite sorry that this has happened to you. I can see why this would be taken personally. I know I would do the same.

I think it most likely that something has happened at her end and that you have done nothing at all to cause this.

I mentioned today in another thread the consideration of evidence for things that concern and worry us. I am trying hard to think this way these days myself. Basically consider what IS the evidence for thinking you are the cause for this? What then is the evidence AGAINST this - namely what evidence is there you have done nothing at all? I am going to reach out here and hazard to guess that the second list is actually more realistic if not even longer.

I am sorry you have lost this friendship. It obviously mattered to you a great deal. Healing from broken relationships of any kind is difficult at best. I think I would also ask myself about those good qualities that made me a good friend in the first place and remind myself that they still exist.
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