Financial issues and household responsibility issues - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-24-2019, 08:50 AM #11
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 13,210
divine1966 divine1966 is online now
Legendary
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 13,210 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
428 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Financial issues and household responsibility issues

Just to warn you that if you work and he doesnít or he is making very little if you get divorced youíd be paying him alimony. You do have to stay married for at least 10
years I think fir him to ask for alimony, he would also take a half of your 401k or other retiremrnts plans. I personally would never live with someone who either doesnít work or makes significantly less becagse itís too risky. I think seeing couple therapist and financial planner and a lawyer (for you to see how to protect yourself) is step one here.

You can also ask a lawyer to help you with post nuptial agreement. It might help you to protect your savings
divine1966 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-25-2019, 10:41 AM #12
WishfulThinker66's Avatar
WishfulThinker66 WishfulThinker66 is online now
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,535
WishfulThinker66 WishfulThinker66 is online now
Grand Poohbah
WishfulThinker66's Avatar
WishfulThinker66 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,535 (SuperPoster!)

122 hugs
given
Default Re: Financial issues and household responsibility issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMerleGirl View Post
Thanks for the advice. actually I think he would be willing to do couples therapy and itís sornthing we have considered more seriously recently. There are certainly things I can improve on too but no Matter what I do he wonít ever understand how it is so hard for me to do so much more than him, and that he has a distorted view of the amount he contributes. Did it help your relationship a lot?
Hi BlueMerleGirl. I really wish I could say it did. But there were other issues in the relationship that I could not tolerate nor mend. He did however become helpful around the house and make more of an investment and contribution to it's operation. Until the other issues came to a crescendo there was in fact at least somewhat of an improvement. We actually continued a few more sessions of couples' therapy where other behaviours of his were addressed as inappropriate by the therapist. I am not saying I did no wrong but for the most part it was he the therapist came down harder on. I still recommend the therapy though as it did improve things.
WishfulThinker66 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-26-2019, 10:49 AM #13
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax Medusax is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 589
Medusax Medusax is offline
Veteran Member
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 589

2 yr Member
276 hugs
given
Default Re: Financial issues and household responsibility issues

Back in the beginning when I was young and naive about money troubles (my family was responsible, and didn't deal with such things) he told me that I had to go through bankruptcy with him. I had NO KNOWLEDGE of his loaded credit cards, and I was not on his and mine were completely clear, actually sitting unused in drawers. I lost all my good credit at that time. I have it back now, (for some time) and he is in debt consolidation, again. I told him NEVER again would I sign anything with him. If I have any inheritance from my mother's estate it will be controlled by my sister. (Yes, I trust her) He will have no access to it.
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-26-2019, 11:27 AM #14
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,748
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Grand Poohbah
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,748 (SuperPoster!)

102 hugs
given
Default Re: Financial issues and household responsibility issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMerleGirl View Post
It is like pulling teeth to get him to cook, so I have to do all of it or we end up eating out a lot which we canít afford. He doesnít do laundry, and itís so much effort just to get him to do basic household chores that itís almost easier if I just do it!
This is the tough part where the difference lies in whether we allow ourselves to be treated in a certain way vs having someone treat us the way we deserve. When you cook, cook for you and the baby. If there are leftovers-great. Do not make anything special for him or change your eating time and place just for him.
Do not do his laundry under any circumstances even if his hamper if overflowing and he rants about not having clean clothes. What other basic household chores does he do or not do that you feel he should?
Quote:
80 percent of the work maintaining the house and cooking. He just does not get it.
He gets it just fine. He knows if he avoids it long enough or does a crappy job then you will do it because it drives you nuts or you feel you have to. Dont. He is a grown man and existed fine on his own without you. You have two people to take care of and now he has himself to worry about. Do not take the bait and fight with him about this stuff. Just walk away or tell him you do not want to talk to him about it and refuse to engage. Its hard to have an argument with only one person. He sounds like someone who may whine or needle his way into getting what he wants- dont let that bother you, its just noise without meaning.
Quote:
It is even worse now because his business takes his energy so he canít do fun things I want, and he has less energy to help with the house. Somehow I manage to work all day and still do things for the household but he is absolutely incapable or unwilling to do that.
You may have to bear this for a bit while you stick to some boundaries. He is not able to prioritize the household and money so you will still be on the bottom of that list. Hopefully he realizes it and makes time for you.

Quote:
I love him, and I donít want to get angry over petty things, but I just donít understand how this is OK. We fight about finances a lot and we do make improvements but it just seems to go back to normal after a while. I am fine if he stays home, but he needs to watch the kid, do at least 50 percent of the cooking and housework if not more, and stop wasting money to make our budget work. He has stayed home before and it just did not work out and Iím afraid thatíll happen again. I feel like Iíve just leaned to live with this stuff that makes me unhappy and I donít know what to do.

Why are things like this, what can I do to make it better?
Do not be fine with him staying home after all this money has been spent over the real estate thing and his spending habits. Once he finds out you are ok with this he will take you up on it and probably do the bare minimum and still be angry with you because his life's dream isnt working out. And your child deserves more than the bare minimum.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:19 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please Read the full Disclaimer.