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Old 03-21-2019, 11:07 AM #1
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Things have come quickly to a head. As it gets closer to me getting employed the angrier he seems. And the drunker. I'm not allowed to express my feelings. That I'm stressing about my background check and anxious about starting a new job. I'm at fault because I can't walk the mile and a half to work and he can. He's not obese with chronic pain issues. Like he expects me to fall into certain categories I don't fit into. I am my own person. I'm sick to death of tip toeing around as to not hurt his sensibilities when he outright shoves **** in my face. He imposes his own sense of worthlessness when I never tell him any such thing. Only try to build him up and encourage him to make better choices. He constantly flaunts that he does everything while my efforts are unacknowledged. I feel constantly sabotaged and I'm getting pissed. I want my power back. No human should treat another this way. I wallowed in alcohol for years and finally found change. He says this is how it's going to be for him. So refusal to change anything. Everyone in his life is at fault or the bad guy but him. Sometimes he says he knows he screwed up but never owns or really apologizes for it. I know I can't change or fix him. But I do love him. I've got to protect myself somehow tho..
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:54 AM #2
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I am so sorry. I mean I should keep my opinion to myself because it’s not probably
what you want to do but getting out of this is the first thing that comes to mind. I wonder if you’d qualify for subsidized housing which you can afford on your own. Hugs. You are a lovely person

How are you getting to work with no car? Uber? Bus?
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:58 AM #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso2632 View Post
Things have come quickly to a head. As it gets closer to me getting employed the angrier he seems. And the drunker. I'm not allowed to express my feelings. That I'm stressing about my background check and anxious about starting a new job. I'm at fault because I can't walk the mile and a half to work and he can. He's not obese with chronic pain issues. Like he expects me to fall into certain categories I don't fit into.
Wow. It sounds like you are not very happy. And if you stopped drinking and he isnt going to, can you live with that? are you happy living this way?
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I am my own person. I'm sick to death of tip toeing around as to not hurt his sensibilities when he outright shoves **** in my face. He imposes his own sense of worthlessness when I never tell him any such thing. Only try to build him up and encourage him to make better choices. He constantly flaunts that he does everything while my efforts are unacknowledged.
Not saying he is for sure an alcoholic but if he is, then the "persecution" behavior is a way to justify getting drunk and shift the blame. Having a pity party is his way of not being responsible for his own behavior.
Quote:
I feel constantly sabotaged and I'm getting pissed. I want my power back. No human should treat another this way. I wallowed in alcohol for years and finally found change. He says this is how it's going to be for him. So refusal to change anything. Everyone in his life is at fault or the bad guy but him. Sometimes he says he knows he screwed up but never owns or really apologizes for it. I know I can't change or fix him. But I do love him. I've got to protect myself somehow tho..
I do not know your personal situation but my gut response is, why are you with this guy? I've seen your other thread. What is it about him that you love and can you even feel that anymore? He thinks everyone is against him and guess what? With that attitude you will never win and he will always have a reason for his misery. If you agree that everyone is out to get him and he is worthless-you are confirming his beliefs. If you disagree you are against him or dont believe him. How can you possibly communicate with someone like that?
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Old 03-21-2019, 12:47 PM #4
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Communication is next to nill and he says my positivity is enough to make him sick. Right now the resolution is friends living together. Him on the couch house bills split 50/50 I can't be responsible for his happiness or be the whipping boy for what happened in his past. This is severely screwing with my integrity as a person and what defines me as me. But it hurts!! I've invested and changed and loved for two years only to do better be stronger get to a better place and still be discarded. No I don't want therapy. I'd rather come for a collection of thoughts from real people than sit and be evaluated therapy for me has done more harm than good and self inspection and intense journaling helps as well. Since dropping the alcohol it seems I've also found the courage to be an active participant here on PC instead of just a lurker which brings me great joy. Also I know what else will soon follow. His pity for himself and wanting me to take him back. Back and forth. I don't want him to go out on his own cause the people he may stay with are not good people. They have no good intentions. And those people are not welcome near here and have been cut out. I don't want him to resort to that. I've been at my resistance for 15 years with a super cool and understanding landlord. He lets us catch up on rent if we have to, borrow money if needed, and actually let us live here 6 months no rent as we scrambled for work. So not moving. Lol.
Hopefully this will progress in a civil friendly manner.
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:02 PM #5
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You seem to quite level headed about everything. You seem to have brought some order to your life. So I'll say this. If you could have the optimal future what would it look like? What's it take to get there?.....You do know. Keep pushing on.
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:23 PM #6
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So it’s your place? Could you pay your bills alone? Or get a roommate. I understand not wanting to just kick him out
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:25 PM #7
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I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Calypso2632 Whether or not you want to stay with him is your decision and I will respect it either way. Still, I do believe that you deserve much better than him. Like you've said, you need to take care of yourself and a relationship is good only if both of you are getting something out of it. It doesn't seem like you're really happy with him. I'd suggest to start saving some money if you can. If things get worse, you'll at least have something in your hands if you decide to move. Please don't give up. Please don't feel guilty about what would happen if you left. It's not your fault and it's not your responsability. He has his own life and he needs to take some decision for himself. You can't "save" him. Bu you can take care of yourself. I hope you'll be able to find some better options for yourself. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy and to be loved, truly loved. Rememeber that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Calypso2632. You don't deserve to suffer at all. You're a strong, wonderful person. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Keep fighting! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Please don't give up. I believe in you. We all believe in you. We're all rooting for you
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:44 PM #8
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So he calls me from work on his break to see if I wanted anything. I was cautious. But agreed to only a couple inexpensive food items. I brought up the rent for the landlord cause he pays every 2 weeks after payday as he is the one working right now. I asked how much cause he had told me earlier this week he was giving him $320 for borrowing 20 bucks. He told me he is only giving him $200 and is going to tell him that we split up and he shouldn't have to pay everything!!!! Wtf!?! He lives here. Has been. We just broke up TODAY. I don't even have a job and pay check yet!! He's just going to dump this in my lap?? My God I'm so royally pissed right now. The cheap prick. I'm gonna fix his ***. Lol..
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Old 03-21-2019, 10:14 PM #9
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Well if he doesn’t have to pay because you two split up, he doesn’t have to live there. Here is the door.
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