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Old 03-20-2019, 03:24 PM #1
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Default Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

Considering my own parents would be frustrated at me for calling just to say hi and not having a real reason to call, I don't know if saying hi, what's up? to someone I haven't talked to in a while is appropriate or not. How do you initiate contact with someone? The only person I feel able to initiate contact with is my ex because he hasn't seemed to mind me saying hi for the sake of saying hi either during the relationship or afterward. How do you stay in contact with people? You're not supposed to ever need anything from anyone else, but then there's no other reason to talk to anyone because you have to have a specific reason to do so or you're just wasting their time I guess.
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Old 03-20-2019, 03:57 PM #2
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

Well my problem is when people phone me - then don't say anything expecting me to start the conversation. Nothing like picking up the phone, seeing who it is, saying 'hello' and then nothing but a cavernous empty void. Say something when I pick the phone up - even if it is just to say, "Hey! I was just thinking about you and it was time I should say hi." That at least is a start.
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Old 03-20-2019, 07:08 PM #3
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
How do you stay in contact with people? You're not supposed to ever need anything from anyone else, but then there's no other reason to talk to anyone because you have to have a specific reason to do so or you're just wasting their time I guess.
Hi Skull&Crossbones. I would appreciate it if someone were to call me just to say "Hi" rather than needing something. That would make me feel loved as opposed to feeling used. So I think you sincerely desire a genuine relationship with people, but unfortunately, you can't control the other person's reaction.

As far as staying in contact with people, you can try the following:

-Pick up where you left off from the last conversation and ask how it went. For example, if someone told you he has an exam, ask, "So how did your exam go?"

-If you haven't seen the person in a while, say you called to "catch up" to see how things are going, or that that person came to your mind.

-Ask when they want to hang out next time, or invite them to hang out. Ex. "I'm going for a bike ride, you want to come along?" "Do you want to get together for coffee sometime?"

-Talk about a shared hobby or interest. "Hey, did you see the album came out this week?" etc.
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:01 AM #4
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
Considering my own parents would be frustrated at me for calling just to say hi and not having a real reason to call, I don't know if saying hi, what's up? to someone I haven't talked to in a while is appropriate or not. How do you initiate contact with someone? The only person I feel able to initiate contact with is my ex because he hasn't seemed to mind me saying hi for the sake of saying hi either during the relationship or afterward. How do you stay in contact with people? You're not supposed to ever need anything from anyone else, but then there's no other reason to talk to anyone because you have to have a specific reason to do so or you're just wasting their time I guess.
it depends on the person you plan or want to get in contact with. Is it something they are ok with? There really is no general rule against it, it's entirely subjective and relative to the relationship or connection with the other people.


this caught my eye and piqued my curiosity:
Quote:
You're not supposed to ever need anything from anyone else, but then there's no other reason to talk to anyone because you have to have a specific reason to do so or you're just wasting their time I guess

I'm curious as to what you base this idea on, where it came from that you think you're never supposed to need anything from anyone else. That's what being friends and family is all about, having someone to support us and we can lean on them from time to time and they willingly give us the support we need.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:41 AM #5
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I'm curious as to what you base this idea on, where it came from that you think you're never supposed to need anything from anyone else. That's what being friends and family is all about, having someone to support us and we can lean on them from time to time and they willingly give us the support we need.
With friends, I do whatever they need in exchange for companionship. With family, only financial and practical support is possible. I'm not sure where emotional support is supposed to come from...I guess I mistakenly thought that was the role of a significant other. If you receive emotional support from a friend while you're in a relationship, isn't it considered cheating? I mean, according to all the posts on this site, almost everything is considered cheating...especially when said friend provides emotional support while your significant other is treating you badly and shows that they're the only one in the world capable of comforting you and defending you. That was a big reason why I was hesitant to continue a friendship with her. I was in a relationship and she's still married.

Although, if I ever date again, I don't think I will ask for emotional support. Most people are incapable of providing and eventually make me feel bad for asking...and anyone capable is married so I can't really ask for emotional support from them. So I guess the trick is never needing emotional support.

Even after the good suggestions, I'm still unsure if I should contact her or exactly what I'd say. I've been trying to figure it out for months.
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:03 AM #6
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
Although, if I ever date again, I don't think I will ask for emotional support. Most people are incapable of providing and eventually make me feel bad for asking...and anyone capable is married so I can't really ask for emotional support from them. So I guess the trick is never needing emotional support.

Even after the good suggestions, I'm still unsure if I should contact her or exactly what I'd say. I've been trying to figure it out for months.
You know what Skull&Crossbones, I think you are an ideal friend for most people. You are so considerate and respectful of other people's boundaries. You demonstrate self-regulation and moderation that some people lack.
You really deserve good friends.

The thing about people with families is that their first obligation is their families and they are often busy with them. I think the trick is to eventually find a single friend who are capable of providing emotional support. It takes time, but I'm wishing you the best!
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Old 03-21-2019, 12:04 PM #7
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

Thats why theres facebook? I have a cousin in law who posts what she makes for dinner every night. It makes me feel good to know that! Like im having dinner with my cousin whenever i look!
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Old 03-21-2019, 03:31 PM #8
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
You know what Skull&Crossbones, I think you are an ideal friend for most people. You are so considerate and respectful of other people's boundaries. You demonstrate self-regulation and moderation that some people lack.
You really deserve good friends.

The thing about people with families is that their first obligation is their families and they are often busy with them. I think the trick is to eventually find a single friend who are capable of providing emotional support. It takes time, but I'm wishing you the best!
Iím not sure I respect boundaries so much as Iím conscientious. If I get close to someone, theyíll have to have strong boundaries because Iíll have a harder time.

I know most peopleís first obligation is to family. Thatís why I often wish I had a significant other. Not like I would expect to be first obligation, I mean that would go to their real family, pets, real best friend, job...hopefully I would at least rank higher than at least some of their friends and have someone to go places with etc. I would at least have someone I could make first priority so I wouldnít have to take on all the overtime.

I donít think I should be friends with single people...if they actually provided me with emotional support I would just fall in love with them and get my heart broken.
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Old 03-21-2019, 03:45 PM #9
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

Im all in AT FIRST, but then the worm turns (what DOES that mean?!) and i realize i committed too much too fast. Steve Harvey says dont sleep with someone until at least 90 days, and i say, you dont even know if you want to be friends with someone until at least 90 days. But who even sticks around that long these days? Except maybe online?
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Old 03-22-2019, 12:12 PM #10
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Default Re: Saying hi for the sake of saying hi

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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
Thatís why I often wish I had a significant other. Not like I would expect to be first obligation, I mean that would go to their real family, pets, real best friend, job...hopefully I would at least rank higher than at least some of their friends and have someone to go places with etc.
I understand. I agree that a signifiant other is the best option for you in this case. And I hope that you will meet that person soon
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