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Old 03-25-2019, 10:04 PM #21
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Well, I never really got a chance to talk to him. Maybe a good thing, I donít know. After Iím treated like Iím in the way and that I shouldnít be there and then left out of group discussions etc. it just sort of snowballed into me feeling pretty bad so Iíd probably not be the best to talk to.
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Old 03-27-2019, 03:21 PM #22
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

It's not happening. Spring break happened at the wrong time. Also, I keep asking myself what if I'm gay? Then I'd be awful pursuing him whether I feel drawn to him or not. There's no way to tell if I'm drawn to him because I'm actually attracted to him or because I've been conditioned to pursue men no matter what and he seems like a decent choice if I have to be with a guy. I just think about all the bad parts of being with a guy, the forced gender role, the alterations to my appearance to be visually acceptable, the sexual part, the romantic part (I don't like romance...it's patronizing and disingenuous, but the guy thinks you want it simply because you're a "girl").
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Old 03-27-2019, 04:57 PM #23
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

From what you have written...it does seem that you are over thinking. We ask someone out and go on a date or 2...if there is a spark, then 3-4 dates. Dating is all about trying each other on for size. We can't know in advance if a person is right for us, and we very often choose wrong, but discovering whether there is potential for any longterm relationship is the fun part. There may need to be some compromise, and we may not be perfectly suited, but as 2 consulting adults you get to choose together what is acceptable, what isn't .

There is no one size fits all...Age , gender, interests, financial status , physical compatibility, aspirations for the future...these all determine whether there is potential for a future together...the great thing is you get to decide together.

I wish you all the very best moving forward, Skull&Crossbones.
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Old 03-27-2019, 06:32 PM #24
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

In my experience by age 30 people know if they are homosexuals or heterosexuals or perhaps bisexual. Are you saying by age 30 you still donít know if you are gay or not? I am confused. How were you conditioned to pursue men? I think by now youíd know if you like men or not? You seem to dislike idea of relationship with men, then why go for it? Iíd say in 2019 no one can force you to be with a man or with anyone for that matter
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Old 03-27-2019, 10:24 PM #25
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

I donít have enough sexual experience to know. I was raised in a very conservative family. Gay wasnít an option. I had a little exposure to the concept in high school but didnít really realize I was attracted to women until undergrad. Most of my experience with men has more or less felt like trying to insert a square peg in a round hole so I donít know if that means Iím gay or itís just REALLY bad experiences. Iím shy and not conventionally attractive (so Iím not really going to have people hit on me either) so to get any experience I usually just go with whoever is available. And yes, I have hit on women...it just never goes anywhere. So I have zero experience so how would I really know my sexuality? Iíve always been pretty confused about gender too. I donít really have a strong sense of identity overall. Iíve been rediscovering my personality again. Usually the issue is I donít feel comfortable or safe being myself.
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Old 03-27-2019, 11:05 PM #26
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
I donít have enough sexual experience to know. I was raised in a very conservative family. Gay wasnít an option. I had a little exposure to the concept in high school but didnít really realize I was attracted to women until undergrad. Most of my experience with men has more or less felt like trying to insert a square peg in a round hole so I donít know if that means Iím gay or itís just REALLY bad experiences. Iím shy and not conventionally attractive (so Iím not really going to have people hit on me either) so to get any experience I usually just go with whoever is available. And yes, I have hit on women...it just never goes anywhere. So I have zero experience so how would I really know my sexuality? Iíve always been pretty confused about gender too. I donít really have a strong sense of identity overall. Iíve been rediscovering my personality again. Usually the issue is I donít feel comfortable or safe being myself.
To be gay or heterosexual is not an ďoptionĒ, itís who you are. Itís not a choice.

And you donít have to have actual sexual experience to know who you are. How do you think people determine their sexual orientation? Sleeping with both genders and comparing who they prefer more? I understand that you might be unsure or might like both sexes but your rationale behind it is somewhat strange to me. I donít think I should sleep with a woman to make a determination that I am not into women. I donít need that experience to know I am not interested. Of course many people experiment but itís not a requirement
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Old 03-27-2019, 11:30 PM #27
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

I meant, I did not realize that being in a same sex relationship was really an option or that it wasnít a choice. And I need to experiment. I have no idea who I would enjoy having sex with. I barely know what some of my preferred acts would be as Iíve barely been able to try anything. I have no idea how to experiment. Iím not comfortable having sex with strangers and that would be mostly (if not solely) men anyway.
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Old 03-28-2019, 05:14 PM #28
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Iím here reading (((((((( hugs )))))))))

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Old 04-02-2019, 12:48 AM #29
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

So if I do decide to ask him out just to see if it works, what do I say? How can I make this the least awkward if he isnít interested?
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Old 04-02-2019, 07:07 AM #30
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
So if I do decide to ask him out just to see if it works, what do I say? How can I make this the least awkward if he isnít interested?
Do you know what he likes? Like art of music or history? Then you canaif heís like to a new exhibit? Or you contact him in writing like on Facebook, it would be less stressful?
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