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Old 02-20-2019, 07:07 PM   #11
Doglover6335
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Unfortunately, this was not over a movie. This was over differences in opinion on cheating. If his viewpoint is that being with another woman in bed is not cheating, then what would stop him from doing so himself?

I completely understand your upset....

You two have some things to discuss for certain -- what you define as "cheating" and would he ever go down that path.

It's surprising it's the first time it's come up though?

And I'm terribly sorry that it got so bad he walked out. I hope he comes to his senses and returns. ((((hugs)))))
Yeah, he claims if youíre not attracted to that person (which the man in the show was) and you donít have any feelings for that person (even if the other person has feelings for you) that itís not cheating. He thinks that by me getting upset and asking ďwell then would you think that would be appropriate for you to do in our marriage?Ē That I was insinuating he would cheat on me. I really just want him to come back so that I can try to calmly discuss this with him but he said he is done with me 😢
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Old 02-20-2019, 07:08 PM   #12
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What was his justification that what you two saw on the show was not cheating?
He says that if youíre not attracted to someone that itís not cheating to sleep in the same bed as them. Even though the man in the show was attracted to this woman. He says itís no different than sleeping in a bed with a friend of the same sex.
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Old 02-20-2019, 07:14 PM   #13
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Yeah, he claims if youíre not attracted to that person (which the man in the show was) and you donít have any feelings for that person (even if the other person has feelings for you) that itís not cheating. He thinks that by me getting upset and asking ďwell then would you think that would be appropriate for you to do in our marriage?Ē That I was insinuating he would cheat on me. I really just want him to come back so that I can try to calmly discuss this with him but he said he is done with me 😢
What he said makes no sense... the two ppl in the movie were in bed together. So he thinks it's OK to be in bed with another woman IF he's not attracted to her and doesn't have feelings for her? It's still not Ok, in my opinion. Why go there? And trust me, the man is always attracted to sex, even if she's not attractive.

Yes, you need to get to the bottom of this with him, and if he returns.

Why do you think he cannot deal with you anymore? What else has happened? Do you fight a lot?
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Old 02-20-2019, 07:14 PM   #14
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Iím really glad itís just not me being crazy. It was heartbreaking for me, because as I said, I have been cheated on in the past and Iím terrified of it happening again. We do not have a marriage counselor but we really need one. We have only been married a month and it has already come to this. I realize i shouldnít have freaked out so much, (and possibly insinuated that he would cheat? But that wasnít what I meant at all) and I just wanna know how to make him come homeHusband Walked Out
I don't think making yourself a floormat would be the way. What I mean is, don't grovel, beg nor plead. Give him space to think. And give yourself space to think. I read in your op that you are working on yourself in therapy?
I would work on calm and saying that you cannot accept his running out on you when the topics get heated. That it's not conducive to a lifetime of marriage. I really don't think this is completely about you as he claims it is. He sounds young and not adept to addressing the challenges before him. You're not the challenge, his inability to not realize that how he says things matters and is the challenge. It was callous. You don't say that to your wife nor husband plain and simple. Then instead of articulating his viewpoint like an adult he storms off and points blame at you.
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Old 02-20-2019, 07:55 PM   #15
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I have a tendency to get overwhelmed and cry a lot, and he says he canít stand it anymore and that itís basically abuse what Iím doing to him. I never ever saw it that way, Iím just a really sensitive person and Iím really trying to do better
Walking out in the middle of an argument is a form of abuse too. So, as is so often the case in these types of situations, there's plenty of blame to go around. Hopefully this is a temporary flare-up... the kind of thing every married couple goes through from time-to-time.

You mentioned the two of you have only been married a month. It takes time for newlyweds to get to know each other & to figure out how to be a couple. And it takes an ocean liner's worth of compassion & forgiveness to keep a marriage going over the years. The two of you are just getting started. Hopefully your hubby will calm down & see that you each have things to work on.
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Old 02-20-2019, 09:44 PM   #16
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Walking out in the middle of an argument is a form of abuse too. So, as is so often the case in these types of situations, there's plenty of blame to go around. Hopefully this is a temporary flare-up... the kind of thing every married couple goes through from time-to-time.

You mentioned the two of you have only been married a month. It takes time for newlyweds to get to know each other & to figure out how to be a couple. And it takes an ocean liner's worth of compassion & forgiveness to keep a marriage going over the years. The two of you are just getting started. Hopefully your hubby will calm down & see that you each have things to work on.
Yeah I thought the blame was pretty equal too but he says I am the biggest problem. I really appreciate your words and hope that itís true. He told me a few hours ago that he is done with me forever and that Iíve ruined any chances of keeping him around. Iím heartbroken.
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Old 02-21-2019, 12:06 AM   #17
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I am so very sorry to read this Doglover. I posted some ideas on your other thread. I wish you peace
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Old 02-21-2019, 04:35 AM   #18
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I am honestly shocked that your husband would storm out and tell you his is done over a tv show and that you and he disagree with what laying in bed with a member of the opposite sex means.. I mean dont you think there has to be more going on? I would put this on the "minor disagreements" list if even that. I just do not understand it, the reaction doesnt fit the situation.
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Old 02-21-2019, 07:26 AM   #19
Doglover6335
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What he said makes no sense... the two ppl in the movie were in bed together. So he thinks it's OK to be in bed with another woman IF he's not attracted to her and doesn't have feelings for her? It's still not Ok, in my opinion. Why go there? And trust me, the man is always attracted to sex, even if she's not attractive.

Yes, you need to get to the bottom of this with him, and if he returns.

Why do you think he cannot deal with you anymore? What else has happened? Do you fight a lot?
I donít understand it either, but apparently he has different standards than me about these kinds of things. I never knew that so I obviously freaked out a bit and started crying cause itís a big thing to disagree on.

We fight quite a bit. It usually starts with him saying something that hurts my feelings, and ends with me getting upset and crying which he says is a major overreaction that he canít deal with anymore. He told me last night heís going to live with his parents because Iíve driven him away. Iím so lost. Iím in therapy and he knows this, Iím really trying to be better but he says he canít wait around to see me get better.
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Old 02-21-2019, 07:28 AM   #20
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I don't think making yourself a floormat would be the way. What I mean is, don't grovel, beg nor plead. Give him space to think. And give yourself space to think. I read in your op that you are working on yourself in therapy?
I would work on calm and saying that you cannot accept his running out on you when the topics get heated. That it's not conducive to a lifetime of marriage. I really don't think this is completely about you as he claims it is. He sounds young and not adept to addressing the challenges before him. You're not the challenge, his inability to not realize that how he says things matters and is the challenge. It was callous. You don't say that to your wife nor husband plain and simple. Then instead of articulating his viewpoint like an adult he storms off and points blame at you.
Thank you, I was hoping i wasnít crazy for thinking that is the wrong way to deal with the situation. He sees no problem with walking out and says itís the only way to deal with me. I am working on myself in therapy and he knows this, but he said he will not stick around to wait for me to get better. He has left to live with his parents and has left me completely alone. Iím so scared and heartbroken.
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