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Old 02-18-2019, 06:31 PM   #1
golden_eve
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Default Definition of a Toxic Person

1. Toxic people are manipulative. Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship—far from it.

2. They are judgmental. Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism—about you, what you've done, and what you didn’t do. It’s never about them, and they will lie if it serves them.

3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point this out to them, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective, and take no responsibility for almost anything they do.

4. They don't apologize. They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault. In many instances, although they try to orchestrate relationships to serve their own ends, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status.

5. They are inconsistent. It’s hard to know who you’re with at any given time because they are often not the same person. They may change their perspective, attitude, and behavior depending on what they feel they need to accomplish or what they want to have happen. (And they know how to be kind when they want something from you.

6. They make you prove yourself to them. Toxic people make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you want. Often, this turns into a “divide and conquer” dynamic in which the only choice is them, even to the point of requiring you to cut off other meaningful relationships to satisfy them.

7. They make you defend yourself. They have difficulty staying on point about certain issues, probably because they’re not interested in your point of view or trying to reach an amicable conclusion. Remember, they are supreme manipulators: Their tactics may include being vague and arbitrary, as well as diverting the focus of the discussion to how you’re discussing an issue—your tone, your words, etc. They focus on problems, not solutions.

8. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you. In fact, the good things that happen to you move the attention away from them and thwart them from focusing on their own goals. Beware of people who find fault with you and make you wrong. Loyalty is foreign to them.

9. Toxic people are draining; encounters leave you emotionally wiped out. Time with them is about taking care of their business, which will leave you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, if not angry.
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Old 02-18-2019, 08:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Definition of a Toxic Person

I’ve met some toxic people who liked to blame others for everything under the sun. They’d literally say that everyone else is out to get them and they are victims of other people’s toxicity. While in reality they are the toxic ones!!!
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Old 02-18-2019, 09:47 PM   #3
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Default Re: Definition of a Toxic Person

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I’ve met some toxic people who liked to blame others for everything under the sun. They’d literally say that everyone else is out to get them and they are victims of other people’s toxicity. While in reality they are the toxic ones!!!
EXACTLY.

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Old 02-18-2019, 10:04 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I’ve met some toxic people who liked to blame others for everything under the sun. They’d literally say that everyone else is out to get them and they are victims of other people’s toxicity. While in reality they are the toxic ones!!!
I wouldn't fully blame them for thinking that. Could be a symptom of paranoia or a result of past trauma and anxiety.
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Old 02-18-2019, 10:10 PM   #5
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I wouldn't fully blame them for thinking that. Could be a symptom of paranoia or a result of past trauma and anxiety.
I believe that Divine meant people who blame everyone else for everything that happens to them, claim themselves the victim, when they in fact are at fault and are the toxic person.
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Old 02-18-2019, 10:35 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I believe that Divine meant people who blame everyone else for everything that happens to them, claim themselves the victim, when they in fact are at fault and are the toxic person.
Understood. Thanks for clarifying.

I've got little experience with such people so that's the only way I interpret it.
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Old 02-18-2019, 11:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
9. Toxic people are draining; encounters leave you emotionally wiped out. Time with them is about taking care of their business, which will leave you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, if not angry.
A toxic person is more than a negative person.

When you try to encourage a merely-negative person, she says, "Leave me alone, keep your positive talks to yourself."

When you try to encourage a toxic person, she tries to drag you down with her.
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Old 02-19-2019, 12:39 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stayingafloat View Post
I wouldn't fully blame them for thinking that. Could be a symptom of paranoia or a result of past trauma and anxiety.
Sure some people might think others are out to get them because they suffer from paranoia. But I was not referring to that. I was talking about people I know (that’s why I said “I’ve met”) and they don’t suffer from it.
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Old 02-19-2019, 04:29 AM   #9
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Default Re: Definition of a Toxic Person

Thank you so much for making this thread, golden_eve! I'm sure it will helpful to other people here on PC. We need to recognize toxic people so that we can get away from them as soon as we can. We don't need them in our lives. We need to surround ourselves of people that will love us and support us. Stay safe and take care of yourselves. Sending many hugs to everyone
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Old 02-19-2019, 05:14 AM   #10
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Default Re: Definition of a Toxic Person

I would also add that toxic people are manipulative and often disguise themselves as family members.
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