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Old 01-24-2019, 12:12 AM #1
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Default My sister is a very, very selfish person

There's too many things to say here.


For a long time I told her I've been bullied, abused by my uncle's, aunt's and she's just not willing to believe me. There were days I've been crying and she said why and I say I can feel the trauma of the bullying, abuse again.



There's many times she's been manipulative, saracastic saying "why do you want to say hi to the uncle when she say this" something around this but she's been very manipulative. She seems to do this in a manipulative way.



One of the uncle's didn't even buy me a present(she's seen it) but doesn't question his integrity, they are not even helping me out in anyway and my cousin did something and she says "you should see the doctor" when I gave her full proof of it.


Even my dad says my uncle, aunt's are so and so and she just doens't listen, she probably know he's telling the truth. I don't think she cares if my uncle, aunts treat me and my father poorly. Everytime we bring up how the uncle, aunts have treated us she honestly doesn't want to hear it by her actions.



Between 2005-2012 she never once talked to me and I did nothing wrong. She would look at me angry and talk to me angry. that's abusive behaviour.



At other times when I went to a party if I was to talk to her she would look at me angry and talk to me angry and even now.


She lies a lot too saying she's going to stay at her friends house in city x but the thing is she doesn't have a friend in city x and she's lied other times too.


I ask her can I borrow this from her and she says she can't find it but she knows exactly where it is.


She's an untrustworthy person too.



There's also other things.


She's got everything what she wants but believe me if she didn't get what she wants she would have been an overbearing person.
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Old 01-24-2019, 01:59 AM #2
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

I guess my question is, do you have to interact with her?
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Old 01-24-2019, 02:31 AM #3
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Hi Alpha, sorry you are struggling. Are you a minor living with your sister or an adult trying to figure out how to navigate a relationship with her?

Honestly, the things you describe do not sound like abusive acts. People close to us hurt our feelings sometimes and get annoyed with us at times but that is not the same as abuse. Not buying someone a gift (your uncle I think you said) is not abusive...neither is refusing to loan an item to someone (your sister). Looking at someone with an angry facial expression is not abusive. We all feel angry sometimes...and probably look that way too at the time. I point out the distinction to prevent you from heading down the wrong track while you are working through this but of course behaviors don't have to be abusive in order to cause problems and confusion for us.

Have you ever talked to a psychologist? Someone with experience in family therapy? If you are an adult, I suggest creating distance from your sister. If you don't like her, don't enjoy being around her, then I'm a bit confused about why you are spending so much time with her or thinking about her. Did I miss a piece? Do you live together?

If she's lying about having a friend or where she stays, why do you care? Let her lie. That's for her to deal with in her life. If honesty is important to you, that's a wonderful trait so focus on your own honesty.

We cannot change other people; we can only change how we respond to them. Trust me, my siblings have hurt my feelings more times than I could count but now I just keep a distance and don't expect much from them. Does that make sense?

I wish you well. Try to bring your thoughts and focus back to you. What do you need for you?
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Old 01-24-2019, 03:23 AM #4
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Have you considered kicking her butt?
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Old 01-24-2019, 04:32 AM #5
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

I'm so sorry, Alpha03 I think the best solution is to just avoid her completely. After all, she's doing the same by ignoring you. So I'd suggest to just cut off contacts with her if you can, if she's bothering you that much. I'm so sorry, some family members can be like this, and it does hurt a lot when things like this are comeing from the people who should be the closest to us. I hope you'll feel better soon. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you .love:
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Old 01-24-2019, 09:13 AM #6
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

I never said not buying a gift is abusive? I never said it was abusive, this is what I stated:

"One of the uncle's didn't even buy me a present(she's seen it) but doesn't question his integrity, they are not even helping me out in anyway and my cousin did something and she says "you should see the doctor" when I gave her full proof of it."

I did also state between 2005-2012 she never once talked to me because she didn't want to. She looked at me angry and talked to me in a angry way. There's many other things she done she said "at least I can talk properly" to my face when I had a speech impediment I swear in my life cross my heart (and I'm a very spiritual person).


There's also other times when I politely asked her something and she would answer me back in a very horrible way that I don't even deserve to be treated well.

I know what it is because I've experienced it.


She wants to put me into jail, I did get very emotional and the police came at (which she lied one of the times). Instead of calling the ambulance. I did swear at her (but I was in emotional pain and she knew it) and she's still manipulate me about it.


She even said to me I deserve to be in jail. But I've been bullied, abused by my uncle, aunts (check out the other thead), bullied at school, community where there is proof of this. And her behaviour was very bad. Yes sometimes I shout but this happened in 2015 after all the bullying and everything.


She's lied so many times. Since Feb 2016 till now. She's been using "I'm staying over at my friend's house in city x". She said her friend who was called k was having a baby shower because she was pregnant. Guess what 3 weeks later she said once again she got pregnant and she's having a baby shower with the same friend. I was soo confused.

Last edited by Alpha03; 01-24-2019 at 09:43 AM.
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Old 01-24-2019, 11:24 AM #7
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpha03 View Post
There's too many things to say here.


For a long time I told her I've been bullied, abused by my uncle's, aunt's and she's just not willing to believe me. There were days I've been crying and she said why and I say I can feel the trauma of the bullying, abuse again.
Is she really close with your uncle and aunt to where she would be able to overlook or avoid addressing how they treat you?


Quote:
There's many times she's been manipulative, saracastic saying "why do you want to say hi to the uncle when she say this" something around this but she's been very manipulative. She seems to do this in a manipulative way.
Could you re-explain this? I do not understand.



]quote]One of the uncle's didn't even buy me a present(she's seen it) but doesn't question his integrity, they are not even helping me out in anyway and my cousin did something and she says "you should see the doctor" when I gave her full proof of it.
[/quote] Are you upset because your sister got a present and you did not? Do you think they should buy you a present or have they in the past? Are they supposed to help you out? In what ways?


Quote:
Even my dad says my uncle, aunt's are so and so and she just doens't listen, she probably know he's telling the truth. I don't think she cares if my uncle, aunts treat me and my father poorly. Everytime we bring up how the uncle, aunts have treated us she honestly doesn't want to hear it by her actions.
Is it possible that she doesnt have the same experiences with your aunt and uncle so its hard for her to see your issues?


Quote:
Between 2005-2012 she never once talked to me and I did nothing wrong. She would look at me angry and talk to me angry. that's abusive behaviour.
Do you mean she ignored you while in the same room? Or do you mean she just didnt see you anymore? Being angry and talking angry isnt always abuse. Have you ever asked her why?


Quote:
At other times when I went to a party if I was to talk to her she would look at me angry and talk to me angry and even now.
I have to ask.. why talk to her? Why deal with her?

Quote:
She lies a lot too saying she's going to stay at her friends house in city x but the thing is she doesn't have a friend in city x and she's lied other times too.
Why do you care if she is or isnt going to see a friend in the city or whether she actually has a friend in the city?


Quote:
I ask her can I borrow this from her and she says she can't find it but she knows exactly where it is.
Well maybe she doesnt want you to borrow her things and rather than say no, she just says she doesnt know where something is.
Quote:
She's an untrustworthy person too.
How?


Quote:
She's got everything what she wants but believe me if she didn't get what she wants she would have been an overbearing person.
What makes you say this? I know I asked a lot of questions but I wanted to know some context to understand better.
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Old 01-31-2019, 10:10 AM #8
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Is she really close with your uncle and aunt to where she would be able to overlook or avoid addressing how they treat you?

.
YOU ARE IN THE BOLD:

"Is she really close with your uncle and aunt to where she would be able to overlook or avoid addressing how they treat you?

Could you re-explain this? I do not understand."


They are nice to her and treat her nicely. You could say she's good friends with them. However she defintely is not willing to listen to me and overlooking my father. It's very strange.



I think she doesn't really care-she chooses to ignore what I've mentioned about their sad behaviour towards me and to ignore my father comments.



It's a bit of a shame, it's like she doesn't care if one of her future relatives bullied her kid, it feels like the same thing. She can ignore me, but ignoring my father?


"]quote]One of the uncle's didn't even buy me a present(she's seen it) but doesn't question his integrity, they are not even helping me out in anyway and my cousin did something and she says "you should see the doctor" when I gave her full proof of it.
[/QUOTE] Are you upset because your sister got a present and you did not? Do you think they should buy you a present or have they in the past? Are they supposed to help you out? In what ways?

Is it possible that she doesnt have the same experiences with your aunt and uncle so its hard for her to see your issues?"


Once again my father also talks about how they have also treated him and she overlooks him.


They are sending a strong message by not getting me a present. They don't want to acknolwedge me and the uncle is starting to step up a gear by trying to take a dig at me by saying "this is your house to my sister (in fact it my father), are you going to sell it and get a percentage back for yourself?" he also says "how much money do you earn" and say other things at other times to try and make me uncomfortable.



They are suppose to help me and even my sister out especially towards marriage since we're Indian and our culture has a huge emphasis on marriage and we also don't have a mother.



She's very blind to see they are not acknowledging me, not giving me the support, encouragement, recognition and they do to everyone else in the family.



There's so many other things I can say.


I understand why she can't see this.

"Do you mean she ignored you while in the same room? Or do you mean she just didnt see you anymore? Being angry and talking angry isnt always abuse. Have you ever asked her why?"

Yes she ignored me in the same room. She talked and behaved towards me all those years in a very poor manner between 2005-2012, looking at me angry and talking to me angry and just says one word answers. She doesn't admit it and when I say some of the things she done she says because she doesn't have a mother which she passed away in 2001 when I was 12 and she was 11.


Even now and at other times she's acted very angry towards me for some reason. I feel scared to even talk to her. One of these times were at my uncle's birthday party in dec 2017 I said something in my polite manner and she just looked at me in an angry way and talked to me in a angry way.


Another time when someone gave a wedding invitiation for v****a for her wedding in may 2015, which the inivtation was given in oct/nov 2014. I said "it's this person's wedding" and she just turns angry and talks to me in a very disdainful way like I don't deserve to talk and it hurt so badly that I just went upstairs and cried in my room.



Another times at a wedding which was 'r' in late november 2010 I went to ask her something and for some reason she looked at me angry and spoke back in a very poor manner.


Yet another time at a charity event in 2016 I asked her something and once again the same angry face and angry reply.


"Why do you care if she is or isnt going to see a friend in the city or whether she actually has a friend in the city?"



It's wrong being dishonest. She 100% does not have a friend in the city where she says "I'm staying over at my friends house" it shows how dishonest and untrustworthy she is. She's also lying to me father about this since Feb 2016.


When I said where? She doesn't say nothing. When I say what friend, she goes "friend k" but this friend lives in another city. All of her friends don't live in the city which she's on about.


She only hangs around with a bunch of friends and I know what area they live. She even she was going to place x where her friends live, so this friend lives at place x and another friend lives at place y.



100% I swear on my life, she has no friend in the city where she goes "I'm staying over at my friends house".


Even sometimes after work she goes at another place "I'm staying over at my friends house".


"Well maybe she doesnt want you to borrow her things and rather than say no, she just says she doesnt know where something is."



Well I said can I borrow something when I went to her room to say this and I'm so sure she knew where it was, which the thing was on top of the 5 chest drawer as I could see it and she could to, for goodness sake it was right next to her phone! She never leaves her Iphone. Same with me I when I had my Iphone I always whatsapp or look at the internet on the phone.



Even when she came out 20 minutes later she didn't bother to give it to me.



How?

How is she untrustworthy?



Someone said "happy birthday to me" and she didn't bother to even say that person said happy birthday to me. That person even said did your sister say I said happy birthday? She can forget once, but a few times?


Again so many other times over the years someone told something to her to tell me (and later they said did you sister tell you) something so they told it to me sister to tell it to me and all those times she never said it, not once, many, many times.



She lies a lot too.

Last edited by Alpha03; 01-31-2019 at 10:25 AM.
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Old 01-31-2019, 11:37 AM #9
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpha03 View Post
There's too many things to say here.

I ask her can I borrow this from her and she says she can't find it but she knows exactly where it is.
Okay, I had my own share of pain in dealing with a toxic female relative so I want to be compassionate. I get that you are upset about her dishonesty, as you answered Sarah. Just a couple of things I'm struggling to understand:

Why are you the one to initiate contact with her, by asking to borrow things, approaching her at the wedding, etc.?

I would not want to borrow anything from my toxic relative because that would just tie me to her all the more.

And I wish my toxic relative would ignore me at functions and leave me alone (that would be a dream come true).

It sounds like you are pursuing a relationship with your sister (asking to borrow things, not wanting to be ignored by her) and you are upset that you cannot have this. But why do you want to have a relationship with a dishonest, toxic person? You deserve a better life; to live in peace without constant interactions with someone like that.

Last edited by ennie; 01-31-2019 at 12:03 PM. Reason: add hug
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Old 01-31-2019, 11:54 AM #10
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Default Re: My sister is a very, very selfish person

Honestly, this is pretty petty. And yes, I read your other threads. They are cut and paste of the same "score-keeping" list. You attribute an unsavory motive or attitude even towards mundane comments and actions (like someone laughed). (And I don't even want to know what "arrogant eavesdropping" could be.)

Sure, there's "not nice" stuff, but you are an adult, and this is jr. high school drama stuff.

Long/short, you all just seem to simply not get along. At least, as well as you imagine you all "should". So separate yourself from it if it bothers you that much. Seeking therapy would be a good idea, if for no other reason than to explore why you feel compelled to so often attribute negative attitudes towards others' words and actions and to break the unhealthy behavior of scorekeeping in relationships.

I don't say this to be mean. I am simply being straightforward. You seem to be bogged down with minutiae that may be keeping you from being able to see the larger picture.

I wish you luck.
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