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Old 01-23-2019, 04:11 AM   #11
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Default Re: My partner has moved his 20yo adult son in our house

Accusing you of not liking his children rather than talking it over sounds like a cheap diversion tactic to shut down the conversation.

Agree totally. This is about the dynamics of relationship... and it's touches on people's habits of listening and being responsive to others. Not doing that in a committed relationship is hurtful!!!

Agree with the house rules also, but think that listening and being responsible to a partner's emotional state is..... phew, no wonder that you feel angry!
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Old 01-23-2019, 04:25 AM   #12
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I'm so sorry, CrisS23 It sounds like a tough situation to be in. I fdin it worrying that your boyfriend doesn't seem willing to communicate with you. Communication is very important in every relationship. I think you have every right to set up boundaries and at least know in advance what he's planning to do. I'd suggest to seriously talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Maybe involve your son if you feel like it. If he's still not willing to listen to you, then I think you need to seriously reconsider this relationship. I agree with HopefullyLost1211 that couple counselling could be useful, although he's the one that needs to change, not you. If he refuses this, you may want to end this relationship before it gets even messier. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope things will get better for you soon. I hope writing here helps a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-23-2019, 11:15 AM   #13
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Default Re: My partner has moved his 20yo adult son in our house

I believe no permission is required with minor children.

But bringing adult children, yours together or just one of the parents, to reside in the house needs to be discussed before hand.

It’s rude and inconsidered to make unilatreal decisions. If bringing in adult son does need to be discussed then how about bringing adult brother or aunt or the whole entire family in? Why is that different? What if OP has 20-year old brother can she just move him in without mentioning it to her partner? I can’t imagine me or my husband just moved our kids in without even discussing it? How is it even acceptable

The guy clearly doesn’t respect you as a full partner even though you paid half for a house. You don’t have “son” issue, yiu have “boyfriend” issue.
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Old 01-23-2019, 01:33 PM   #14
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I believe no permission is required with minor children.

But bringing adult children, yours together or just one of the parents, to reside in the house needs to be discussed before hand.

It’s rude and inconsidered to make unilatreal decisions. If bringing in adult son does need to be discussed then how about bringing adult brother or aunt or the whole entire family in? Why is that different? What if OP has 20-year old brother can she just move him in without mentioning it to her partner? I can’t imagine me or my husband just moved our kids in without even discussing it? How is it even acceptable

The guy clearly doesn’t respect you as a full partner even though you paid half for a house. You don’t have “son” issue, yiu have “boyfriend” issue.
Well said Divine! Agreed, we aren't talking about a high-school child. Cris would have known ahead of time if younger children would be living with her. This is something very different and troubling. I am concerned that there is something darker going on with Cris' partner.
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Old 01-23-2019, 01:53 PM   #15
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Unilateral decision-making can be a sign of emotional abuse. It is mentioned on the following list which was medically reviewed by a Nurse Practitioner with a PhD.

64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do

Bill from PC also created the following thread:

Dear Abby: Warning Signs of an Abuser

Cris, I don't want to offend you. Ignore these if you don't feel they are relevant but I think if you read over the lists it could be useful to keep in mind. I used to be in a relationship with someone much older than me and although things were wonderful in the beginning, over time he started making major decisions without even consulting me. Then when I tried to discuss, he was enraged and blamed me.
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Old 01-23-2019, 04:08 PM   #16
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You say you bought the house together. What are the legal terms and protections you put in place in case you dont stay together? You arent married so I do not know what laws you would need to abide by.
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Old 01-23-2019, 04:13 PM   #17
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You say you bought the house together. What are the legal terms and protections you put in place in case you dont stay together? You arent married so I do not know what laws you would need to abide by.

Good point. A consultation with a lawyer could be a good idea. Many lawyers offer free initial consultations.
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