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Old 12-27-2018, 09:47 PM   #1
SorryShaped
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Default Asked, then told, friend to leave - a rant

I had a disagreement with a friend that escalated into them trying to make me feel sorry for them and apologize so they'd "be right." This has been their m.o. for getting their way for most of their life. It works at their job, it worked in their marriage until he said no more, and it worked and still works with their parents. That wasn't going to happen tonight. Instead of bending, I chose to stand up for myself and said, "I've had enough of this manipulative attempt. I think it's time for you to leave." After they continued to behave like that, I said, "I already told you to go. Leave now." I had to interrupt them while they were trying to repeat the same thing that escalated things to begin with. Interestingly, I remained outwardly calm the whole time. Inwardly, though, I was ready to scream "getthef---outofmyhomeyouf-------psycho!"
I don't like being manipulated like that, it's wrong. If they want to stick with their "poor me" about everything then they can go do it elsewhere.
Nothing they said they were having troubles with is not something I've been having troubles with too. The difference it's that I've worked on mine and it got better. I was fortunate enough to keep working at it even when it didn't help because better was all I could get.
I'm sure I made some errors here. I really feel like they were pushing my buttons and that's not ever ok.
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Old 12-27-2018, 10:25 PM   #2
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Default Re: Asked, then told, friend to leave - a rant

Good for you. I've done something similar with someone who crossed boundaries. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

May I ask what they said that triggered you to tell them to leave?
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Old 12-27-2018, 10:31 PM   #3
SorryShaped
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Default Re: Asked, then told, friend to leave - a rant

It was roughly said, in obvious jealously, "my xxxxxx can't be improved. It can't be as good as yours." I explained that mine used to be worse than theirs, which they know, and I've worked at it for two years now, daily. They acted as if theirs couldn't improve, yet they don't work at it but rarely. Of course it can't get better if they aren't trying often enough.
It's a case of "trying nothing but being all out of ideas"
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Old 12-28-2018, 02:38 AM   #4
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Wow, good for you. I wish I could stick up for myself like that. Now that you got your message across to that person, you can start the new year feeling refreshed.
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Old 12-28-2018, 03:06 AM   #5
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Boundaries and adhering to them can be a double edge sword. Healing and hurting. It hurts to finally have to lay them down and hurts more to hold them strong but ultimately its healing. I am proud that you did what you did.
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Old 12-28-2018, 09:11 AM   #6
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Default Re: Asked, then told, friend to leave - a rant

Good for you!! Standing up for yourself can be tough but I have found that it's so worth it in terms of self-respect and integrity.
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