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Old 12-17-2018, 03:29 PM   #1
thebittenpeach
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Heart Friends are happy and I am sad

Hello,

I'm not proud of myself for doing this but I just didn't know how else to express myself better than to complete strangers who would maybe have some great and valuable insights into my situation.

My main problem is that I am feeling depressed for some time now and it's mainly because of relationships.

I am starting to feel abandoned and I feel that nobody understands me. I would say that it's normal, but I just thought that I have everything figured out by now... I am 21 but I'd say I have developed a lot since a few years back.

So back to my thing.

I feel like everyone around me starts having romantic relationships and I am so sorry that I cannot be fully satisfied with my friends' temporary happiness, but I am starting to see how alone I am getting more and more every day. I haven't had a relationship for like 3 years and it's really driving me crazy. And what drives me crazy even more is that I know what I should do generally, but I just can't find the way. I know that I should rather focus on something I like, something creative - but I don't know what that is. And I know I should develop myself first to fill the holes in my life, and not to wait for someone to come and fill it with himself. But how? What should I do?

Christmas are crazy for people who are alone and not in the romantic relationships. And I have friends but I feel like they splash it to my face that they are happy couples every time I see or talk to them. And I feel that my best friend who is a brilliant amateur-psychologist understands me, but doesn't understand my feelings in this matter. Cause I think that this is such a shallow problem to deal with when I'm almost 22. However, I just feel this way and it's not getting better.

When I'm out with people, I feel like nothing bad is happening to me. Until I see a couple or something related to romance. I get self-pity internally. Plus, now I don't really have a chance to go out with people. And the feeling is the worst when I am alone.

And then people come to me for advices. I love giving them as people tend to tell me I am a good advisor. It's killing me when they tell me about ther romantic partners though...


I have met a guy recently, I liked him a bit. He was one of the few people who I was able to have a thoughtful and insightful conversation with - in terms of boys. But now I am starting to see that perhaps we don't belong together and then I get a feeling that if I don't go into a relationship now, I would have to wait for another 4 years to meet someone and I cannot just possibly imagine that.

If it's not obvious now, I must tell you that I am gay. And I don't really feel connected to the whole "culture" of gays nor to the "gay people". I would like a possibly normal relationship with a guy I would have a smart, deep conversation with and obviously an intimate relationship with.

I would be thankful for any help, thank you if you're concerned with my situation.

Have a nice day.

Marek
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Old 12-18-2018, 02:17 AM   #2
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I can relate to feeling like "the fifth wheel."

But then I realized that the grass is always greener on the other side. Couples may look happy on the outside but they may not be behind closed doors. A woman stuck in a bad relationship may be jealous of a single woman for the "freedom" that she has.

A lot of times people jump into relationships without being ready. You can use your single days to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship: Read self-help books, Internet articles (great ones on PC!), etc.

I like your idea of engaging in a creative hobby. I also think engaging in philanthropy would be fulfilling.
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Old 12-18-2018, 03:55 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thebittenpeach View Post
Christmas are crazy for people who are alone and not in the romantic relationships.

When I'm out with people, I feel like nothing bad is happening to me. Until I see a couple or something related to romance. I get self-pity internally. Plus, now I don't really have a chance to go out with people. And the feeling is the worst when I am alone.

But now I am starting to see that perhaps we don't belong together and then I get a feeling that if I don't go into a relationship now, I would have to wait for another 4 years to meet someone and I cannot just possibly imagine that.
Christmas really does magnify these feelings--movies, churches, commercials, etc. have ramped up our expections and events like Christmas and New Years Eve seem to call for a partner to kiss and share warmth with.

My recommendation is to see if you can find a date for these days but don't settle. That date could be a friend rather than the "one". When I was single, I can remember a few dates on these days with someone I was not in love with but the memory of sharing that day with them is still a wonderful memory. Could you either ask someone new out or the friend who is destined to be just a friend? There are other people out there feeling as you do. Even if they are destined to be just a friend, asking someone out who is also single might be a nice distraction and could make them feel good too. Concentrate on making someone else feel good and maybe you will forget your own troubles.

Once the holidays have passed, these feelings will be less intense. I agree with Ennie that you can use this time to develop yourself in other ways like studying (if you are in school), working, hobbies, etc. You are young so hopefully, someday, you will meet the right person. The best way to increase the odds of that happening is to do things that have you "out there" meeting other people all of the time. I have been married 31 years and met my husband at work.
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Old 12-18-2018, 05:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: Friends are happy and I am sad

I'm so sorry you're struggling, thebittenpeach I know how you feel. I often feel the same way as well. I think the best way to meet someone is to just engage in normal activities - stuff that we usually like to do. That way it's possible to meet someone who shares our interests. Also I think some dating sites may be useful to meet new people, although it depends on the country. But like you said, it's important to focus on ourselves first before we start to deal with any major relationship. I think that's the way to build a truly happy relationship. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-20-2018, 09:28 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thebittenpeach View Post
Hello,

I'm not proud of myself for doing this but I just didn't know how else to express myself better than to complete strangers who would maybe have some great and valuable insights into my situation.

My main problem is that I am feeling depressed for some time now and it's mainly because of relationships.

I am starting to feel abandoned and I feel that nobody understands me. I would say that it's normal, but I just thought that I have everything figured out by now... I am 21 but I'd say I have developed a lot since a few years back.

So back to my thing.

I feel like everyone around me starts having romantic relationships and I am so sorry that I cannot be fully satisfied with my friends' temporary happiness, but I am starting to see how alone I am getting more and more every day. I haven't had a relationship for like 3 years and it's really driving me crazy. And what drives me crazy even more is that I know what I should do generally, but I just can't find the way. I know that I should rather focus on something I like, something creative - but I don't know what that is. And I know I should develop myself first to fill the holes in my life, and not to wait for someone to come and fill it with himself. But how? What should I do?

Christmas are crazy for people who are alone and not in the romantic relationships. And I have friends but I feel like they splash it to my face that they are happy couples every time I see or talk to them. And I feel that my best friend who is a brilliant amateur-psychologist understands me, but doesn't understand my feelings in this matter. Cause I think that this is such a shallow problem to deal with when I'm almost 22. However, I just feel this way and it's not getting better.

When I'm out with people, I feel like nothing bad is happening to me. Until I see a couple or something related to romance. I get self-pity internally. Plus, now I don't really have a chance to go out with people. And the feeling is the worst when I am alone.

And then people come to me for advices. I love giving them as people tend to tell me I am a good advisor. It's killing me when they tell me about ther romantic partners though...


I have met a guy recently, I liked him a bit. He was one of the few people who I was able to have a thoughtful and insightful conversation with - in terms of boys. But now I am starting to see that perhaps we don't belong together and then I get a feeling that if I don't go into a relationship now, I would have to wait for another 4 years to meet someone and I cannot just possibly imagine that.

If it's not obvious now, I must tell you that I am gay. And I don't really feel connected to the whole "culture" of gays nor to the "gay people". I would like a possibly normal relationship with a guy I would have a smart, deep conversation with and obviously an intimate relationship with.

I would be thankful for any help, thank you if you're concerned with my situation.

Have a nice day.

Marek

Hi Thebittenpeach,


You found a guy that you can talk with. Even though you don't think it will develop into a relationship, perhaps you can be friends and spend some time together.


I agree with other people to develop yourself. Over 20 years ago, I was very active in another support group, and I met my husband that way. Hobbies and studying will help ease the loneliness if you don't think you belong in a support group.
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Old 12-20-2018, 03:56 PM   #6
thebittenpeach
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Default Re: Friends are happy and I am sad

Hello,


thank you all for such hopeful and caring messages. I see that there are still people on forums who woud like to help a stranger and it gives my soul a nice caress.



I have come to a conclusion and no longer feel the way I have expressed here few days ago. I have restarted or updated, should I say, my mind processes. And now I am feeling extremely OK.


I hope that there are people who have come to this topic, feeling the same way as me, will find their peace in their heads as well.


Nobody is supposed to feel abandoned and hopeless if there is not the one person they have made dreams about and idealized an abstract relationship.



It's funny that you think that nothing's ever gonna get better when you're in the deppressed state of mind, and once it's all over, you can't just ACCEPT that you actually felt this way, now that you see all the connections, all the good causes of your friends and/or family.



I truly hope that everyone will develop their thinking in the way, or in a similar way, as I have just now. And again I thank you all so much. I usually have bad experience with forums, as I only visit the ones from my country and, well, a lot of people on those forums have their own problems and only a few are willing or able to help.



So, I just want you all to know, that I am thankful, and to keep up the amazing job of motivating or caring about people.


I wish you all to have your holidays as good as you wish.
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