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Old 12-13-2018, 08:09 PM   #11
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Default Re: I am really struggling

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Originally Posted by leomama View Post
I'm trying, I feel like an idiot.
You are not an idiot at all. You sound like a caring and kind person who is starving for love maybe? If that is true, there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of us feel the desire and need for romantic love and to be coupled with someone. You are not alone in that, that's for sure.

Edit: I think he is the idiot. He was very careless with your heart.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:17 PM   #12
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Heíll say I was careless with his. And yes Iím starved for love but only his. Yes I am caring. See I pushed him away when he wanted to get back together with me because I wanted him to be divorced first. I had been through too much already . Maybe that was the wrong way to handle it but itís what I did. He refused to cooperate. All I wanted was a copy of his divorce papers. He broke up with me before it was stamped. I wanted to reconcile with him at church and he refused. He wanted to reconcile outside of church. In the end he left me.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:18 PM   #13
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What ring did he send you? He had engagement ring? Itís unusual for a guy but regardless if he sent it back to you, engagement was over. You donít know address of someone you were engaged to? How thatís possible? You are better off. The whole thing is really not sounding like something you need in your life.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:19 PM   #14
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He left it on my door in a shoe. And I donít know his current address. Yes he broke my heart. He thought I didnít love him but I never returned the ring. That indicated I did still love him. The problem was his not mine.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:31 PM   #15
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He left it on my door in a shoe. And I donít know his current address. Yes he broke my heart. He thought I didnít love him but I never returned the ring. That indicated I did still love him. The problem was his not mine.
I bolded "the problem was his not mine," because it jumped out at me. It sounds like he was the one with an issue, not you. I in no way want to rush your grieving process or tell you how to feel about him. But I'm wondering if that brings you solace (that the issue was his own, not yours). Regardless, I will think of you tonight. Wishing you self care.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:33 PM   #16
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I bolded "the problem was his not mine," because it jumped out at me. It sounds like he was the one with an issue, not you. I in no way want to rush your grieving process or tell you how to feel about him. But I'm wondering if that brings you solace (that the issue was his own, not yours). Regardless, I will think of you tonight. Wishing you self care.


Itís all so stupid. He threw a perfectly good relationship away. Iím afraid heís being advised by ppl who donít like me.
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Old 12-14-2018, 03:28 AM   #17
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See I pushed him away when he wanted to get back together with me because I wanted him to be divorced first.
that was wise. If someone is not divorced no way should you get involved with them

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I had been through too much already . Maybe that was the wrong way to handle it but itís what I did. He refused to cooperate. All I wanted was a copy of his divorce papers.
that was a very reasonable demand
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He broke up with me before it was stamped. I wanted to reconcile with him at church and he refused. He wanted to reconcile outside of church. In the end he left me.
sounds to me like you had serious irreconcilable differences. That is no way sounds like a perfectly good relationship to me
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Old 12-14-2018, 04:14 AM   #18
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, leomama I understand you're feeling hurt. But it doesn't sound like he respected you that much. Either way, it's over now and it doesn't seem like he will be coming back... I'm sorry. Perhaps it's just time to move on. Life isn't over yet and you deserve someone who loves and respects you. While you wait, just try to take care of yourself. You're a wonderful person and you're worth it. Also remember that we're here for you. Feel free to share and vent here. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-14-2018, 07:10 AM   #19
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I honestly donít understand how you can call it perfectly good relationship. Everything what you ever shared about him and two of you interacting sounds very unhealthy. Plus you two barely ever saw each other. You saw him once last year. And not much before that. Who even knows what he really was up to. Especially since he is a liar.

It seems like your expectations of normal relationship was very reasonable: donít be married, come see me without me begging you, donít lie, show me divorce papers etc he never met those reasonable expectations. He was never a good partner. Also honestly if you want someone to be with you, you canít pressure them. He didnít want to reconcile and didnít want to visit. You donít need to pursue men. You worth better than that

It also looks that what you wanted and thought was going on between you two, wasnít really what was going on. If he was broken up with you and even returned his ring, you canít consider yourself engaged or him your fiancťe. Simply because you kept a ring, doesnít make engagement real. I am not saying itís right of him to block you and stop all communications in this unkind manner but he might sending a message thatís time to move on.

That long after break up no need to keep trying to rekindle it. Iíd stop contacting him and try to find distraction to get through it.
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Old 12-14-2018, 07:53 AM   #20
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I honestly donít understand how you can call it perfectly good relationship. Everything what you ever shared about him and two of you interacting sounds very unhealthy. Plus you two barely ever saw each other. You saw him once last year. And not much before that. Who even knows what he really was up to. Especially since he is a liar.



It seems like your expectations of normal relationship was very reasonable: donít be married, come see me without me begging you, donít lie, show me divorce papers etc he never met those reasonable expectations. He was never a good partner. Also honestly if you want someone to be with you, you canít pressure them. He didnít want to reconcile and didnít want to visit. You donít need to pursue men. You worth better than that



It also looks that what you wanted and thought was going on between you two, wasnít really what was going on. If he was broken up with you and even returned his ring, you canít consider yourself engaged or him your fiancťe. Simply because you kept a ring, doesnít make engagement real. I am not saying itís right of him to block you and stop all communications in this unkind manner but he might sending a message thatís time to move on.



That long after break up no need to keep trying to rekindle it. Iíd stop contacting him and try to find distraction to get through it.


Heís responded to me so Iíll take it from here.
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