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Old 12-12-2018, 12:27 PM   #11
s4ndm4n2006
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

Quote:
Originally Posted by missunderstood93 View Post
Boyfriend Replying & Posting Adds On Craigslist For
Possible trigger:


I am soo confused, the other day I went on my laptop and tried to login to my outlook account but my boyfriend of 6 months left his email signed on. When I glanced at his emails I noticed he has been responding to Craigslist adds. I noticed the dates of the when the email where sent and it was at the first 2 months of our relationship. Then I noticed one that was just a few weeks ago.

Possible trigger:
I then noticed that there we other messages more recently, my boyfriend gave the guy his new phone number which he got 2 months ago and was looking to meet up with him again.

I have not brought this up with him yet and I do not know how to bring this up, I am so confused and hurt. I really need some advice on what to do, I am not against peoples sexuality or want to make him feel embarrassed about his sexuality. But I do not want to be with someone who is cheating or thinking about cheating on me with anyone (man/woman/or another gender).

How do I bring this up and what should I do about this?

this has nothing at all to do with you making a judgment about his sexuality, it doesn't even need to be the focus of the dialog. The fact that your partner is having casual sex secretly with other people is the problem regardless of the orientation of said encounters.


I would not keep this to yourself for one second. In addition to the idea he's stupid for cheating in the first place it's his own darned fault for leaving the email logged in on your computer so you didn't even have to snoop to find out. You're free to mention what you saw, I think. But you dont' even need to justify yourself. walk away. Just tell him matter-of-fact that he's a cheater and you want someone that's faithful and leave it at that.


I said walk. I meant RUN.
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Old 12-12-2018, 01:09 PM   #12
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

I'm so sorry you're struggling, missunderstood93 I'd say run away from him as soon as you can. He's cheating and lying on you, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he's seeing men... how would you have reacted if he was seeing women instead? Please dump him as soon as you can. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-12-2018, 04:14 PM   #13
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Exclamation Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

For me, it's the betrayal of the relationship time and time again!

Nope! ... That's It! ... Done! ... Finito!

Time for him to pack his @#$%! & get the @#$%! out!

It's also imparative that you get tested for STD's immediately, then again in 3 months and yet again in 6 months!

Do not delay on this!

Your very life could depend on it!
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Old 12-12-2018, 05:56 PM   #14
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

I cant tell you what to do about the situation. Im not you, or in your location or going according to your locations rules for internet dating.

what I can tell you is that craigslist has shut down their internet dating / personnals section due to child abuse perpetrators, human trafficking, and people using their site to gain access to victims for sexual crimes.

my point is if he is caught in one of craigslist random "stings" that they and the police do now on craigslist your significant other can face major prison time for things like prostitution, and other crimes based on your locations laws and rules.

my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. then just casually mention you heard people are not supposed to be looking for dating and sex on craigslist, its now against the site rules and the police do "stings" there now because of dating/ sex crimes were happening on it.
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Old 12-12-2018, 05:59 PM   #15
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

here is the link about craigslist shut down their personnals/ dating area Craigslist shuts down its personals section
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Old 12-12-2018, 06:24 PM   #16
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

I agree with others. This is not about his orientation. It's about him cheating.

I would confront him about what you found. Tell him lying and cheating are totally unacceptable. Then boot him out the door. Then have yourself tested for STDs. Repeat the tests as necessary since some diseases can take time to show up.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:27 AM   #17
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
I cant tell you what to do about the situation. Im not you, or in your location or going according to your locations rules for internet dating.

what I can tell you is that craigslist has shut down their internet dating / personnals section due to child abuse perpetrators, human trafficking, and people using their site to gain access to victims for sexual crimes.

my point is if he is caught in one of craigslist random "stings" that they and the police do now on craigslist your significant other can face major prison time for things like prostitution, and other crimes based on your locations laws and rules.

my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. then just casually mention you heard people are not supposed to be looking for dating and sex on craigslist, its now against the site rules and the police do "stings" there now because of dating/ sex crimes were happening on it.
I agree on the part about telling him to log out, although while he is in the process of logging out it should be at the same time as he is sent packing anyway. Outside of that, the dude is cheating on her, wtf would she warn him about the rules on craigslist? I wouldn't.


edit: *also no reason whatsoever for her to be polite to this lying cheat*
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Old 12-13-2018, 09:19 AM   #18
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I agree on the part about telling him to log out, although while he is in the process of logging out it should be at the same time as he is sent packing anyway. Outside of that, the dude is cheating on her, wtf would she warn him about the rules on craigslist? I wouldn't.


edit: *also no reason whatsoever for her to be polite to this lying cheat*
if you re read my post you will see I did not say .........the poster.............should be polite.

I said ........if this was me I would be polite.........

I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...

for some people this kind of thing is an enhancement to ones sex life.

we do not know what the actual type of religion, marriage vows, culture and such these two people are living in. all we know is what the poster has chosen to place in their post.

my point for .........me............ it makes no sense for me to tell someone else they must hit them over the head with a weapon, kick the lying cheating dude out when I dont know the whole off the computer story, life style and such.

which is why I can only post that for me what I would do if this was me and my wife. I would politely point out to my wife that she forgot to log out and inform her of that websites rules and that its now a crime here where I am to solicit sex on the internet (prostitution laws) and that this site has officially closed down their personnals/ dating site.

the fact that craigslist has shut down their personnals/dating area alone tells me that what my own wife may post would be a hoax/ just for the fun of it, not a serious attempt at dating/cheating. there are other more popular sites for this kind of thing that are free for registering and playing ads.

in marriage there comes a thing called unconditional trust and love. a person in a marriage doesnt just jump on the hes/she is cheating get rid of them band wagon over one problem ... placing an internet ad. we live in the digital age, people do go on facebook and twitter, craigslist and dating sites, heck even here at psych central people post things they wouldnt normally do in real life.

unless my wife actually comes to me and says ....hey I met someone online at such and such a website and we met..... thats when I will consider it to be hey you cheated on me, where do you want to go from here, lets take some serious time to talk about why you felt you needed to do that, what in our lives isnt giving you what you need, has this happened before...... la,de da da da.....

I just dont see the point in my getting upset over if my wife was on the internet posting an ad and having conversations with people on the internet. its no different than the girly/stud mags in the bathroom... for some people its fantasy play.

only the original poster and their loved one knows their whole story and why this happened in their own lives and thats who should be dealing with the situation... between the two of them.

all I can do is post what I would do if this was me and my wife.
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Old 12-13-2018, 02:30 PM   #19
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

Quote:
"my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. "
Is implying that you are suggesting that one should be polite. I dont' know many people that would take that statement any other way. you're giving your own example of what you would do, which is, in any other conversation a way of giving a suggestion so I dont' think that I was out of context by saying what I did.


Quote:
I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...
I don't disagree with your contrast from posting an ad or watching or looking at porn is not the same but I feel you missed some of the context in the original post since it was stated in the first post that he already had met with the guy and that via emails she found that he was planning to meet him again, so while your statement about posting an ad is not cheating - though obviously the intent is there if one does post an ad... but that's obvious, but it wasn't simply talking nor viewing or posting but actual cheating that happened.


so as the rest of your post, it kind of falls under the same thing. the OP mentioned up front that she knows he met with the guy...


I don't believe for a second in remaining with anyone prone to deceit in the form of cheating that cheats. so yes I stand firm in the belief that walking away from a cheater is the best idea.


*edited for clarity*
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Old 12-13-2018, 06:06 PM   #20
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Default Re: Boyfriend pursing craigslist casual encounters M4T

Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
if you re read my post you will see I did not say .........the poster.............should be polite.

I said ........if this was me I would be polite.........

I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...

for some people this kind of thing is an enhancement to ones sex life.

we do not know what the actual type of religion, marriage vows, culture and such these two people are living in. all we know is what the poster has chosen to place in their post.

my point for .........me............ it makes no sense for me to tell someone else they must hit them over the head with a weapon, kick the lying cheating dude out when I dont know the whole off the computer story, life style and such.

which is why I can only post that for me what I would do if this was me and my wife. I would politely point out to my wife that she forgot to log out and inform her of that websites rules and that its now a crime here where I am to solicit sex on the internet (prostitution laws) and that this site has officially closed down their personnals/ dating site.

the fact that craigslist has shut down their personnals/dating area alone tells me that what my own wife may post would be a hoax/ just for the fun of it, not a serious attempt at dating/cheating. there are other more popular sites for this kind of thing that are free for registering and playing ads.

in marriage there comes a thing called unconditional trust and love. a person in a marriage doesnt just jump on the hes/she is cheating get rid of them band wagon over one problem ... placing an internet ad. we live in the digital age, people do go on facebook and twitter, craigslist and dating sites, heck even here at psych central people post things they wouldnt normally do in real life.

unless my wife actually comes to me and says ....hey I met someone online at such and such a website and we met..... thats when I will consider it to be hey you cheated on me, where do you want to go from here, lets take some serious time to talk about why you felt you needed to do that, what in our lives isnt giving you what you need, has this happened before...... la,de da da da.....

I just dont see the point in my getting upset over if my wife was on the internet posting an ad and having conversations with people on the internet. its no different than the girly/stud mags in the bathroom... for some people its fantasy play.

only the original poster and their loved one knows their whole story and why this happened in their own lives and thats who should be dealing with the situation... between the two of them.

all I can do is post what I would do if this was me and my wife.
He already met wuth a guy and had sex for $200 and now making new arrangements. Not sure why you call it a fantasy and do not consider it cheating.

Ok so it sounds that you wouldn’t be upset if your wife solicited sex for $200. It’s fine. Your choice. But OP is clearly upset. How is it helpful to tell her that you wouldn’t be upset if your partner solicits sex online (for real or as a joke). Does it really make a difference for OP to learn that YOU are ok with your partner doing all these things that upset OP? OP is hurt. What purpose does it serve to tell her that these kind of things don’t hurt you?
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