[leomama]

Originally Posted by ennie

I see that you have made a sincere effort. It seems like you needed some time to think things over but something got lost in translation and he assumed you don't love him or whatever. Even if he doesn't come back, maybe you still want to clear the misunderstanding so you can have closure. I hope you get this opportunity, but if you don't, it's okay to take your time to grieve this loss.

Thank you exactly . I don’t understand why he would tell me he loved me and I needed to fix this, turn back on my calendar , and then turn off his phone and not reply to my emails or messages. He could have simply told me goodbye. Now I’m left hanging. Thank you for seeing I tried!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by leomama

He kept asking me to tell him I love him and I couldn't do it because he wouldn't see me. Now he's been gone for 27 days and I am a mess. I've realized I've been profoundly depressed. My brother's mother in law offered to give us a free couples counseling class but he turned his phone off so I can't tell him and he's not responding to any of my emails. I didn't know I was so deeply depressed. I don't know what to do. I want to apologize to him, tell him I love him, I'm in love with him, I need him, I want him, but I can't because I can't reach him.

I'm sorry that you are hurting right now!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

If it's been 27 days, you may have to face that he's changed numbers and isn't coming back for anything. Sorry you're hurting

That true! It a very good possibility.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

That true! It a very good possibility.

Yes I know and my daughter’s coming home and I’ve got to hide this from her. She doesn’t like it when I get hurt over him. I thought we could work things out while she was gone but it didn’t happen. It was my clearly stated intention to him but he didn’t accept one of my invitations to go do something. The person who said I needed to take time to think things over was right. That should be allowed in a relationship. I didn’t cut him off. I simply wanted to ease back into it after being apart for 3 years especially now that I’m working full time. I didn’t know how to juggle a relationship and a job and he made fun of me for that. In my previous relationship my now ex husband was very erratic and I don’t have that kind of flexibility or energy anymore. Previous when I was seeing my fiancé I wasn’t working so I could just do whatever. I’m actually a lot healthier now then I was then but ironically he says now I’m very unhealthy. Go figure!

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are hurting but if that’s the same man you’ve been seeing before, pathological liar, then you are better off. As much as it hurts it’s better to stir away. If that’s the same guy, did he get divorced? He was married then. I hope it’s not the same guy. But if it’s a different man, he sounds unhealthy. Why not jusf break up instead of changing his phone number. So dramatic. Hang in there. Good riddance to this loser

[leomama]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry you are hurting but if that’s the same man you’ve been seeing before, pathological liar, then you are better off. As much as it hurts it’s better to stir away. If that’s the same guy, did he get divorced? He was married then. I hope it’s not the same guy. But if it’s a different man, he sounds unhealthy. Why not jusf break up instead of changing his phone number. So dramatic. Hang in there. Good riddance to this loser

It is the same man and he is divorced which is the reason for the 3 year separation. I love him and am in love with him
And was prepared to deal with the challenges . I don’t understand why he didn’t just tell me he didn’t love me anymore instead of telling me he loved me twice, and telling me to
Fix it, and getting furious with me for accusing him
Of gaslighting and telling me he wasn’t with anyone else. Why would he tell me to fix it and then go and turn his phone off? Why not just say goodbye?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by leomama

It is the same man and he is divorced which is the reason for the 3 year separation. I love him and am in love with him
And was prepared to deal with the challenges . I don’t understand why he didn’t just tell me he didn’t love me anymore instead of telling me he loved me twice, and telling me to
Fix it, and getting furious with me for accusing him
Of gaslighting and telling me he wasn’t with anyone else. Why would he tell me to fix it and then go and turn his phone off? Why not just say goodbye?

Because he isn’t a decent human being. People who lie like he does (among other not so nice things he did) do not live by the same rules as decent people do.

My therapist always says that it’s a waste of time trying to figure out why people do what they do as you might never get an answer. All we can do is focus on why we do what we do.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Because he isn’t a decent human being. People who lie like he does (among other not so nice things he did) do not live by the same rules as decent people do.



My therapist always says that it’s a waste of time trying to figure out why people do what they do as you might never get an answer. All we can do is focus on why we do what we do.

This is true but according to him I’m the unhealthy and disturbed individual, so we’re a perfect match I’m not really trying to figure it out, figure it out isn’t a solution, I’m letting go of it and giving it over to God. I still want to marry him but if he wants to terminate his phone and ignore his email and messages there’s nothing I can do about that. At this point I don’t see myself getting engaged again. It’s still too fresh.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by leomama

This is true but according to him I’m the unhealthy and disturbed individual, so we’re a perfect match I’m not really trying to figure it out, figure it out isn’t a solution, I’m letting go of it and giving it over to God. I still want to marry him but if he wants to terminate his phone and ignore his email and messages there’s nothing I can do about that. At this point I don’t see myself getting engaged again. It’s still too fresh.

Why would you want to marry him? Makes me also wonder if he didn’t see you for three years, why asking you for love declarations. Sounds like he is playing games.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why would you want to marry him? Makes me also wonder if he didn’t see you for three years, why asking you for love declarations. Sounds like he is playing games.

No, I didn’t see him for 3 years, 2 of those were waiting for the divorce and the 3rd was because he simply didn’t bring his divorce papers to church like I asked him to or mail them. He told me in an angry email that I couldn’t read. That’s what I’m saying, I distanced myself 3 years ago to wait for his divorce but I didn’t terminate it. We could’ve started rebuilding last year but he decided to break up with me before his divorce was finalized.