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Old 12-02-2018, 05:46 PM #1
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Default A few questions... What would you say?

What would you say to someone whoís a bit down and has had enough of the dating scene? Not in the sense that they want to stop dating, but theyíre tired of trying (and failing) to meet someone.

What would you say to someone who looks at themselves when wondering why theyíre alone and thinks ďThere *must* be something wrong with me. Seeing so many other people in relationships, clearly the problem must be with me, because, otherwise, the problem would be with everyone else in the world, and thatís obviously not the caseĒ?

What would you say to someone who is so tired of being single that they get (internally) annoyed when they see couples being really cutesy/overly touchy in public? (Not all couples, not all the time, but people who basically seem to be rubbing their relationship in your face)

What would you say to someone who has tried online (app) dating, but is now even more disillusioned with the idea of being able to meet someone?

Iím mainly writing this, because I feel exhausted about this whole thing and I feel kind of sad. I also donít feel I have anyone to talk to about this, so Iím offloading here. Of course, Iím always happy to hear what people might think.
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I apologise for rambling. I find it difficult to write concisely and feel that choosing to write incoherently is better than not writing at all. Thank you for your time.
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Old 12-02-2018, 06:55 PM #2
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

I'd say, go find a hobby you're into, and find others there. Dating apps are not the best way to meet someone, beyond a hookup. An other can happen, but be patient
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Old 12-02-2018, 07:51 PM #3
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

That sounds like me a bit. the "clearly the problem must be me..."

I think for me loving and respecting myself enough is what I need to work on. Finding hobbies to occupy your time is a good suggestion, but it doesn't in and of itself cure the loneliness. It does help to build something of your own, that you could be good at, like art or music. Just examples.

We are made to find another soul in this world, we naturally long for companionship. Being all alone in the world with no one to talk to makes us feel hopeless.

I know though, that depending on another solely for making me feel less alone has not worked. I need to deal with the fact that I am alone, always. Even if you had that relationship you long for, you will find that you can still feel alone with that person.

This forum has been my main source to vent my feelings about this and my depression for years. I find it quite soothing to type out how I'm feeling. I can choose to take advice or not. I hope you find some relief in loneliness by coming here to post about it.

I don't know you so I'll ask if you have counseling available. I've found it sometimes helpful, sometimes not at all. Best wishes.
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Old 12-02-2018, 07:55 PM #4
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

I felt the same way for a long time. I saw people less physically attractive, less intelligent, less nice, less everything in happy relationships. I tried dating, but couldn't find what I wanted. I realized that the issue for me is that I prefer not to be in a romantic relationship. This does not mean I am alone. I have built a community of friends, but romance is just not something I desire. When I tried to meet people on dating apps, they were looking for serious relationships or casual sex (neither of which I wanted). Anyway, not sure what the issue is for you, but that's how it is for me.
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Old 12-02-2018, 09:31 PM #5
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

I would say I feel you. I focused on this before, and I failed miserably. So, now I just don't try anymore. For me I think it's part of a larger problem: I am very bad in socializing for whatever reason and have very dull life; I don't have friends, hobbies, passion, my relationship with my family isn't good, and now I don't have a job. So, I know I am out of the game to impress a potential partner.

Good luck to you. I hope you will find someone.
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Old 12-03-2018, 05:22 PM #6
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I'd say, go find a hobby you're into, and find others there. Dating apps are not the best way to meet someone, beyond a hookup. An other can happen, but be patient
What if I told you I already have quite a few hobbies? I do a lot of sport to keep myself busy and Iíve met a lot of people through that, some of whom are now good friends of mine. It has undoubtedly been good for me to enjoy myself and make friends, but not so good for forming relationships.

To be fair, I was dubious of the dating apps before I started them anyway, but someone persuaded me to give it a try. I donít feel worse for having tried it, but not many positives have come out of it.
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Old 12-03-2018, 05:24 PM #7
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
I think for me loving and respecting myself enough is what I need to work on. Finding hobbies to occupy your time is a good suggestion, but it doesn't in and of itself cure the loneliness. It does help to build something of your own, that you could be good at, like art or music. I know though, that depending on another solely for making me feel less alone has not worked. I need to deal with the fact that I am alone, always. Even if you had that relationship you long for, you will find that you can still feel alone with that person.

This forum has been my main source to vent my feelings about this and my depression for years... I hope you find some relief in loneliness by coming here to post about it.
I do try to think about things in a balanced way and be fair to myself. Sometimes it all gets a bit much though. Iím not really into (making) art or music, but I think I understand what youíre saying Ė some kind of constructive, creative project? Iím not so naÔve that I think meeting someone would instantly solve my other problems, but, seeing as Iím already trying to care for myself, I think it wouldnít hurt to at least have a chance to find someone new.

Part of posting online is definitely just having a way of getting frustration out of my system. If nothing else, it means itís no longer inside me and maybe Iíll hear what other people think.
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Old 12-03-2018, 05:26 PM #8
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I felt the same way for a long time. I saw people less physically attractive, less intelligent, less nice, less everything in happy relationships. I tried dating, but couldn't find what I wanted. I realized that the issue for me is that I prefer not to be in a romantic relationship. This does not mean I am alone. I have built a community of friends, but romance is just not something I desire. When I tried to meet people on dating apps, they were looking for serious relationships or casual sex (neither of which I wanted). Anyway, not sure what the issue is for you, but that's how it is for me.
I know itís ridiculous to be annoyed about/jealous of other people in relationships. Most of the time, I can control those thoughts and not be bothered about it. Whenever Iím very tired, or just feeling sad, however, itís a lot easier to succumb to those negative thoughts. Iím happy for the friends I do have, but I do feel Iím missing the closeness that comes with a relationship. Iím not someone who is interested in casual sex either, but I feel I need a connection that goes beyond that of a friendship.

Realistically, I know I just need to wait and look after myself, then I stand a better chance of having success in relationships. I'm sure I'm not alone though with the idea that, sometimes, you just get tired of waiting and wish you could get some kind of instant result, even if that's not how life works.
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Old 12-03-2018, 08:28 PM #9
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperChapper View Post
What if I told you I already have quite a few hobbies? I do a lot of sport to keep myself busy and Iíve met a lot of people through that, some of whom are now good friends of mine. It has undoubtedly been good for me to enjoy myself and make friends, but not so good for forming relationships.

To be fair, I was dubious of the dating apps before I started them anyway, but someone persuaded me to give it a try. I donít feel worse for having tried it, but not many positives have come out of it.
I honestly can't tell you how to form Good relationships. I don't have any for myself. I've had one perfect friendship ever, and she's dead. I've never had a good relationship with another that lasted. I'm probably the problem. I also don't try any more, and that's my cautionary tale. Don't stop trying.
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Old 12-04-2018, 10:47 AM #10
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Default Re: A few questions... What would you say?

I would say you can take a break from the dating scene, be into doing your own thing for awhile and focus on you (that's ideal anyway) without closing the door on dating. See just because you call it quits for now, does not mean you close your heart and mind to ever doing it again.. just take a breather.


It's hard on many if not most people until they find the one that they mutually want a relationship with. Until then it can be very trying and frustrating and pursuing this constantly is going to take it's toll.
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