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Old 12-02-2018, 09:09 AM #1
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Default One way Xmas gifts and cards...

Do you send (give) gifts and cards to people who never reciprocate? I send one brother gifts at Xmas but he never sends me any back. However, throughout the year he sends me little gifts...so I think it is a balance.


I send another brother and his wife Xmas cards and gifts and he has NEVER reciprocated so I am trying to take him off my list.


It doesn't seem healthy to have a one-way exchange and I am trying to change.


How about you? What do you think?
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Old 12-02-2018, 10:38 AM #2
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by DechanDawa View Post
Do you send (give) gifts and cards to people who never reciprocate? I send one brother gifts at Xmas but he never sends me any back. However, throughout the year he sends me little gifts...so I think it is a balance.


I send another brother and his wife Xmas cards and gifts and he has NEVER reciprocated so I am trying to take him off my list.


It doesn't seem healthy to have a one-way exchange and I am trying to change.


How about you? What do you think?
It hurts, for sure. Does he give cards and gifts to others? My brother and his wife don't reciprocate. But me and my bro have a good relationship for the most part, albeit, a little distant. So I decided this year to send them a card, but not a gift. And be done with it. They have a daughter, whom I do send gifts to, regardless.

At the same time, giving is about giving. Not wanting something in return. But if it feels bad, don't do it. Giving, the entire thing, is supposed to feel good.
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Old 12-02-2018, 10:44 AM #3
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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It hurts, for sure. Does he give cards and gifts to others? My brother and his wife don't reciprocate. But me and my bro have a good relationship for the most part, albeit, a little distant. So I decided this year to send them a card, but not a gift. And be done with it. They have a daughter, whom I do send gifts to, regardless.

At the same time, giving is about giving. Not wanting something in return. But if it feels bad, don't do it. Giving, the entire thing, is supposed to feel good.





My brother and his wife do give others gifts because I see them getting thanked on Facebook. Last year I sent them somewhat expensive gifts and didn't get thanked. IDK. It didn't feel good. I am not out to prove anything like I can give without needing anything in return. I am concerned, however, with what is healthy. I just started looking at this when I was realizing I was sending out but not getting back. Also, at this time I have financial problems.
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Old 12-02-2018, 05:50 PM #4
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

I think it's more than ok to reevaluate where your finances stand as far as giving, especially when not reciprocated year after year at least with some form of gratitude. I mean if someone has fallen onto hard times I wouldn't hold it against them in such a way.
One thing I enjoy is giving trees when I can. That's when aside from age and gender and perhaps even a small wishlist item, a card can be pulled and wrapped and returned with just that tag of paper.
I don't fully monitor cards, per se, but may cut back after enough time passes, but for the most part it's mutual with my list that I exchange with.
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Old 12-02-2018, 06:32 PM #5
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I think it's more than ok to reevaluate where your finances stand as far as giving, especially when not reciprocated year after year at least with some form of gratitude. I mean if someone has fallen onto hard times I wouldn't hold it against them in such a way.
One thing I enjoy is giving trees when I can. That's when aside from age and gender and perhaps even a small wishlist item, a card can be pulled and wrapped and returned with just that tag of paper.
I don't fully monitor cards, per se, but may cut back after enough time passes, but for the most part it's mutual with my list that I exchange with.





Thanks for this. I am having a difficult holiday season this year financially and otherwise so I think it would be okay for me to pull back. Other years if I am financially secure I will be generous and won't give it a thought. I can tell I am extra sensitive this year. I think I just need to apply self-care. Thanks, again.
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Old 12-03-2018, 12:16 PM #6
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

I give gifts to people regardless of reciprocation. it's not a gift to me if it's got expectations tied to it and the gift of giving is just that, to me, giving. But then I don't expect others to have to give me anything nor feel that they are ever obligated during holidays or my birthday. If you're a friend that is someone I care for, I'll likely give you something at Christmas if I can.


Freeing yourself up from the obligation of doing what others do for you or expecting them to reciprocate materialistically is really one that lifts a weight off your shoulders, if you ask me.


When it comes to reciprocation, in general, that's a whole different ball of wax which I won't go into here. Keep in mind I'm merely talking about the gift giving thing alone.
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Old 12-03-2018, 12:26 PM #7
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I give gifts to people regardless of reciprocation. it's not a gift to me if it's got expectations tied to it and the gift of giving is just that, to me, giving. But then I don't expect others to have to give me anything nor feel that they are ever obligated during holidays or my birthday. If you're a friend that is someone I care for, I'll likely give you something at Christmas if I can.


Freeing yourself up from the obligation of doing what others do for you or expecting them to reciprocate materialistically is really one that lifts a weight off your shoulders, if you ask me.


When it comes to reciprocation, in general, that's a whole different ball of wax which I won't go into here. Keep in mind I'm merely talking about the gift giving thing alone.











IDK. I think most people think in terms of a balance. I have one friend who I love dearly and I sometimes will send her gifts or cards for no reason. Often she will then send me cards and gifts. I would like to tell her, "Hun, you don't need to return gift me..." but, you know, she likes to keep everything perfectly balanced.


I think this is coming out of my having a very difficult year this year financially.


As well, the brother who never sends me gifts or cards is extremely wealthy...having married into extreme wealth. So it is weird for me to send them gifts when I am practically living at a poverty level. IDK. It just started to feel strange.



Some years I just like to even things up. Kind of tidy things up.


The one friend I mentioned, though, I am just very lavish with gifting her no matter what my situation is because she is my BFF -- and has been a lifelong, so very loyal and cherished friend. We have been friends since we were children and are more like sisters than friends.
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Old 12-03-2018, 02:41 PM #8
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

I send gifts to people and they don't gift me back, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I want to give them a gift because I appreciate them, don't gift them so they gift me or it seems you're only giving to recieving instead of giving because you truely want to give. IMO once you start giving people stuff expecting something in return then you truely aren't doing it for the giving part anymore.

Just my opinion though. Also I like to write notes because cards are everywhere, a hand written note with your feelings is much better IMO.
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Old 12-03-2018, 03:01 PM #9
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by Human3284 View Post
I send gifts to people and they don't gift me back, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I want to give them a gift because I appreciate them, don't gift them so they gift me or it seems you're only giving to recieving instead of giving because you truely want to give. IMO once you start giving people stuff expecting something in return then you truely aren't doing it for the giving part anymore.

Just my opinion though. Also I like to write notes because cards are everywhere, a hand written note with your feelings is much better IMO.





Okay, I have a different take on this. I feel if you give people stuff and they don't give you stuff - your so-called generosity - could be making them feel uncomfortable. Like you want something from them. Or they may feel they owe you something...and they don't want that.


When we give something we are sending a message. If we keep giving and it is not reciprocated...the other person might be sending a message. The message is that they are not partaking in an exchange. If they don't even thank you for the gift it seems like they are saying...they don't really want you to be gifting them.


I have thought this over in this thread. And from now on I am not going to send Xmas gifts or cards to people who do not do the same with me. I think they are sending a message that they don't want to connect on that level.


I will take that money and donate it to a good cause at Christmas like to a nature conservancy. Or an environmental group. Or buy food and donate it to a community food bank. In other words...give where it is really needed. And will be appreciated.
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Old 12-03-2018, 03:14 PM #10
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

What about just a thank you card? write them what you appreciate about them. That could be considered a gift and using the money you save can be used as helping someone else in need at this time of year. One year my uncle brought a family that had nothing to his place for our thanksgiving dinner, or like you said for those other things.
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