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Old 11-27-2018, 03:48 PM #41
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

It sounds as you feel that having any man even the mean and nasty one is better than to be alone.
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Old 11-27-2018, 03:56 PM #42
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I do get it. But how does anyone determine what I deserve? I understand from what I've said here that this seems so obvious he can't respect me. My own gut knows this. I have dished it back at him at times. I can say things that hurt him just like he hurts me. Who knows I deserve "better", or that there is "better" out there? I've experienced a few short relationships, well, I won't even consider those "relationships" in the last 6 or so years, other than with this man. I didn't see anything better. Maybe I'm getting soured on men and need my own space. I think divine or golden said that any kind of commitment won't change things. I know that is true. But he hasn't been a complete jerk ALL the time.I
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Old 11-27-2018, 04:28 PM #43
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

Stay with him then.. Itís your prerogative. Heís a jerk but by all means do as you please. Weíre jyst trying to help u see that itís dysfunctional. That is all. You started this thread by saying you know youíre with the wrong man. Now youíre backtracking and are justifying it.
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Old 11-27-2018, 04:41 PM #44
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
I do get it. But how does anyone determine what I deserve? I understand from what I've said here that this seems so obvious he can't respect me. My own gut knows this. I have dished it back at him at times. I can say things that hurt him just like he hurts me. Who knows I deserve "better", or that there is "better" out there? I've experienced a few short relationships, well, I won't even consider those "relationships" in the last 6 or so years, other than with this man. I didn't see anything better. Maybe I'm getting soured on men and need my own space. I think divine or golden said that any kind of commitment won't change things. I know that is true. But he hasn't been a complete jerk ALL the time.I
Itís nothing to do with who deserves what. If this relationship makes you happy and you see no need to leave, then by no means you should not break up. But I donít really understand what are you asking in this thread. If things are good with this guy and you are doing what feels right, then what exactly are you asking. I sincerely dont understand. We canít tell you what to do. You want this guy, itís fine. Itís entirely up to you.

If you have never seen anything better than this, absolutely awful man, then itís a big issue all in itself. But if you want to be with him, who are we to tell you to leave. I think some of us misunderstood that you were asking advice or help. ďCan anyone help me?Ē.

Iíd never tell anyone to leave unless they asked for advice.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:24 PM #45
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

Yes. I started by a title of a thread. And a nvm. Then people were not responding to me but someone else's response to a simple "nvm."
This is why I don't usually post in this section of the forums. I liked healings idea. Things changed when I thought he stole from me. I didn't see it happen.

Yes he's not the best man but... ummm.. I? have issues? .... if this is the best I've seen from men I've been involved with?

YES. Finally some truth in this thread. I sincerely appreciate this community and advice.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:30 PM #46
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

Well, I'll just say my two cents and will be done with it. It seems like a dysfunctional relationship at best, with both of you being mean to each other periodically. That is not love. True love involves respect for one another, not mean, vicious or cruel words. Love does not involve hurting each other. Mean words = dysfunctional.

But stay if you are happy. That's what matters the most here is whether you are happy or not. I figured you had gripes and wanted advice based on the nature of the title and also on the nature of your later posts. But it seems you have figured it out.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:04 PM #47
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
Yes. I started by a title of a thread. And a nvm. Then people were not responding to me but someone else's response to a simple "nvm."
This is why I don't usually post in this section of the forums. I liked healings idea. Things changed when I thought he stole from me. I didn't see it happen.

Yes he's not the best man but... ummm.. I? have issues? .... if this is the best I've seen from men I've been involved with?

YES. Finally some truth in this thread. I sincerely appreciate this community and advice.
Just to clarify I never said that YOU have an issue, but that IT IS an issue if you never saw anyone better than this man. Typically the kind of issue of being only attracted to abusive men could be addressed in therapy. But I digress. It sounds that you know what you want and need. Best wishes
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:37 PM #48
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

I think many men in their 50s get so set in their ways. And I think a need for space or independence as many call it--not that they aren't clinging to the companionship aspect and I don't mean that sexually either--is a real not imaginary reality in 2018.

So I totally get where you are coming from.
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:44 PM #49
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Default Re: When you know you're with the wrong person

Okay, I'm throwing in my two cents, you sound a lot like me when I finally separated from my ex.
I too would have tossed around the disclaimers, the excuses for his behavior, the I probably deserved it because...and then, after we separated-and yes that hurts for a while. It does, but, you get over it. After we separated I started reading about codependency.
I wouldn't have when we were in the relationship, because I thought co-dependants were sad sacks who couldn't stand up for themselves.
I was wrong.
I was in an abusive relationship and didn't even accept that I had been. I refused to accept that I had been a survivor of an abusive relationship.
But here you are, telling us he's pushed you, said mean things to you, used you, and that you're willing to settle for this rather than be alone.
Well, friend, being alone is NOT the worst thing that can happen.
The worst thing is when the fights get nastier, and no amount of reconciling or forgiving or pretending makes it go away. And you are given tiny crumbs of affection for agreeing to participate in it, and you are OK with that.
But, its your choice, and your life. If you want to find out for yourself, you can. We can't stop you.
However, since your here you must know that we're all here for a reason, because we've been through some stuff, and we know from experience.
Also, I have been alone for a long time, and it really IS better to be alone than to live like that.
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Old 11-28-2018, 11:45 AM #50
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I'm absolutely exhausted. I'll wrap this up as best I can. I've been through a ton of crap in my life. from abusive neglective parents, to an ex h that is a sociopath. So I know you are all trying to help. This relationship seems toxic, can be, he seems rude, but... all I can say is I'm doing the best I can to figure out my next steps. Thanks to all for your input.
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