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Old 11-19-2018, 05:32 PM   #11
2daffodils
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Thanks people.. I really didn't know and still don't know how to explain my situation.
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Old 11-20-2018, 07:22 AM   #12
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That is basically how I feel about this. But he keeps changing his mind and it drives me nuts.
Are you living with him?
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Old 11-20-2018, 08:37 AM   #13
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Are you living with him?
No. Thinking about it though in the not too distant future. I have spent a lot of time with him back in April and also this past month.
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:16 PM   #14
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How do I know if this man is right for me? I said I know he's not right, but I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind about living with me. He says I'm controlling, but I see him as controlling. He'll say things like, "dont do the dishes", then days later, I see you didn't even do the dishes. I love you and I want you in my life. Days later, I want you to get your things oout and I want nothing from you. Then, I love you. THen, he'll say I don't know what I want. Then he says I miss you already after leaving for one day, and he says, yes I want you to live with me. Then, "as long as we get along"


Can anyone help me out? This confusion is driving me crazy. I often feel like he doesn't appreciate me, but then I feel like I have nothing left if I break up with him and leave him. I have already spilled my guts to a frriend on here, and the opiinion is, he's a jerk and I've nothing to lose, well not much if I leave him or he breaks up with me and takes me back for the umpteenth time.



Do I even know what love is, when this guy can put me down for the smallest mistakes and make me feel worse about myslelf. Yet I think I love him. At this point, I don't care what response I get here, I don't care what anyone thinks of me.


I'm getting older and I don't want to find another bf. Ever. If we break up that's it for me and I feel like I've invested a lot in this relationship for 3 years.
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:54 PM   #15
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If it feels wrong then I am sorry to say then you should get away. May I ask why would you want to be with someone who doesnít even know what he wants, he tells you something and then something else. I understand how are feeling because a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me. Itís hard and I think a lot about everything that happened but I know that with time one heals. I hear when you say that you donít to find another bf, thatís how you are feeling because you are going through that right now. The right person will come and you wonít have question yourself. Donít settle for less than you deserve. Believe me Iím the woman that has tried a thousand ways to stay in a toxic relationship . If he loves you he should be really trying to save relationshi not the other way around. Best of luck
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Old 11-22-2018, 12:45 AM   #16
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Your emotions are being bounced around like a ball. Honestly this guy is NOT a BF....more like a boy ENEMY. You may not want to find another BF (if that's what you choose to call him) but you may realize that you are better off alone than with a guy like this.

I was married in a bad marriage for 33 years (financial issues in the end kept me trapped there 13 years longer than was ok. I have been alone for 11 years & totally enjoy my own FREEDOM where I don't fight of feel angry for being treated the way I was (though I fought back it just made life even more hell)

Even alone is better than being treated the crappy way he's treating you.
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:08 AM   #17
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How about sticking him in the friendszone and detaching a bit from the emotional clutter?
I hear you about the feeling of getting older and wondering if this is as good as it gets in terms of being tossed crumbs and the field seems like it gets smaller and smaller if even existent. And frankly, who wants to keep going through it?
If he's not devoted to establishing a life together....he needs to get into the friendzone. And if he's not even a good friend then he needs to be cut loose.
I get the back and forth is ambiguous...
You don't even need to announce this to him. Make that inner change with your heart and your mind.
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:33 AM   #18
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How about sticking him in the friendszone and detaching a bit from the emotional clutter?
I hear you about the feeling of getting older and wondering if this is as good as it gets in terms of being tossed crumbs and the field seems like it gets smaller and smaller if even existent. And frankly, who wants to keep going through it?
If he's not devoted to establishing a life together....he needs to get into the friendzone. And if he's not even a good friend then he needs to be cut loose.
I get the back and forth is ambiguous...
You don't even need to announce this to him. Make that inner change with your heart and your mind.
This. This is what rings true with me. I do need to friend zone him and then see what his actions are.. if he is even a friend, then I will know. Thanks for understanding me, healing.

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Old 11-22-2018, 09:23 AM   #19
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I agree. You can tell him you donít enjoy so much conflict. People are their best in the early days of relationships. Although youíve been with him for years, it doesnít get better once you have commitment.

Donít count yourself out from ever having another relationship. You feel that way now because you are exhausted.
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Old 11-22-2018, 11:23 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
How do I know if this man is right for me? I said I know he's not right, but I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind about living with me. He says I'm controlling, but I see him as controlling. He'll say things like, "dont do the dishes", then days later, I see you didn't even do the dishes. I love you and I want you in my life. Days later, I want you to get your things oout and I want nothing from you. Then, I love you. THen, he'll say I don't know what I want. Then he says I miss you already after leaving for one day, and he says, yes I want you to live with me. Then, "as long as we get along"


Can anyone help me out? This confusion is driving me crazy. I often feel like he doesn't appreciate me, but then I feel like I have nothing left if I break up with him and leave him. I have already spilled my guts to a frriend on here, and the opiinion is, he's a jerk and I've nothing to lose, well not much if I leave him or he breaks up with me and takes me back for the umpteenth time.



Do I even know what love is, when this guy can put me down for the smallest mistakes and make me feel worse about myslelf. Yet I think I love him. At this point, I don't care what response I get here, I don't care what anyone thinks of me.


I'm getting older and I don't want to find another bf. Ever. If we break up that's it for me and I feel like I've invested a lot in this relationship for 3 years.
When a man puts you down, he is not respecting you. When a man changes his mind, pushes you away, then pulls you back in again, the relationship is not stable or secure.

Don't move in with someone when they are disrespecting you and when the relationship is not stable. What happens next? That you go to all the trouble to move in, and suddenly he tells you to move out???? That's not security. Who could live like that? This push and pull is ridiculous....

But just as important is the matter of respect. If he disrespects you repeatedly and criticizes you, why would you want to be with someone like that, right?

You deserve both stability and respect. If you aren't getting either, yes, perhaps friend zone him and keep him at an emotional distance. My advice would be to definitely not move in with him.

I also understand the feeling of if this doesn't work out, I give up... perhaps being alone is better than dealing with this crap.
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