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Old 07-03-2018, 08:16 AM   #1
Bkwre
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Hello,
I have recently re-connected with the one man I have ever really loved. Problem is, this has been a cycle for him. He has a horrible drug addiction to speed. He has been hospitalized numerous times. This is the 3rd time he has found me on social media after 2-5 years have gone by and he is sober. I never know when I will get that message, but it's a sigh of relief that he is still alive, sad to say. He seems stable at the moment. He was diagnosed with Bipolar. He goes in once a month to get a shot for his medication. He always has the craving he tells me. I have always wanted to be together in a somewhat normal setting with him. Our timing was never right until now. My love for him is unconditional and forever, so I don't know how to go about this to where I am taking care of him and not put my health in jeopardy long-term. I myself deal with ADD and generalized anxiety. No medications, only meditation and yoga (not the same as meds, but works, lol). My daughter's are 19 and second year of college. I would also like to finish college. He is a smart person with a good head on his shoulders when sober. Our communication with eachother is great. He gets SSDI. Is it possible to lead a "normal" full filling life with eachother? How do I go about this and what obstacles am I needing to prepare for? Any and all information or advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you.
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Old 07-03-2018, 11:20 AM   #2
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Have you started spending time together? Time is a good predictor of whether something is functional and worthwhile planning for the future.

Out of curiosity, why an ex and not someone new?
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Old 07-03-2018, 04:21 PM   #3
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Hmm, the fact that your already looking at this like your his carer does not bode well.

I understand you say you love him...does he live you? Are his feelings the same?

I have been a drug addict for 24 years. And you go through ALOT, psychology and emotionally when you get clean.
Relationships during this time often fail , or result in relapse.

Your learning to deal with the real world, and actual real people that is hard enough, dealing with a relationship is a big step.

Whatever you decide to do, I say talk alot, and do it slowly.

All the best, take care.
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Old 07-03-2018, 05:46 PM   #4
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Hello Bkwre: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm not really in a position to offer you advice with regard to this relationship. What I can say, what I often say when I reply to posts such as yours, is that I used to know a guy who was fond of saying: "If you want to know which way the bullet's going, look down the barrel of the gun." From that perspective, if you re-read what you've written here, you may see what your future may look like if you rekindle your relationship with this man.

You wrote that your love for this man is unconditional & forever. Since you have one daughter who is 19 & another who is in college, you're clearly not a starry eyed teen or young adult yourself for whom everything is filtered through the proverbial rose-colored glasses. You know what the potential minefields are here as well as the potential benefits. So perhaps the question is simply whether or not the love you have for this man is sufficient to carry you over the great difficulties that may lie ahead.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may provide some "food for thought" with regard to what you are contemplating:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...-in-your-life/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...ing-an-addict/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...y-addicts-lie/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...dium=popular17

And then here are links to 3 articles that might provide some helpful hints for your friend to consider:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ction-relapse/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-holi...rug-addiction/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...tion-recovery/

My best wishes to you both...
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Old 07-04-2018, 02:02 AM   #5
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Personally, this would not be the relationship for me, especially since you say you have daughters. This is not something you want to subject your daughters too because if your relationship did get serious then they would be exposed to this.

How truly sure can you be that he has been sober for 2 years and isn't just saying this to win you over? Tread with caution...
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Old 07-09-2018, 10:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
Have you started spending time together? Time is a good predictor of whether something is functional and worthwhile planning for the future.

Out of curiosity, why an ex and not someone new?
Healingme4me,

He has actually been down all week, which explains the delayed response. We he 2 hours from eachother now. It has been a pretty good week. He is doing really well. Tired a lot but that's normal due to medication. Your right, time together helps to foresee the future. I think taking things slow and see where it goes is a good starting point.

I don't really think I chose an ex over a new. We fell in love and never felt that love for anyone else since. I'm really picky when it comes to letting new men wanting relationships into my life. Lately, I have opened up and dated but has ended with them wanting and getting one thing. Tired of that process at the moment. I have never been one that has needed to be in a relationship. I have never been married and was never that little girl dreaming up my wedding at an early age. Sure, it would be nice at some point but not necessary.
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