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Old 06-01-2018, 06:25 AM   #1
Rose76
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My Mood: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that.  ???

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Default My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

My boyfriend is nearing the end. Doctors say he has maybe a few more weeks.

One of my two sisters calls me a lot and knows everything going on in my guy's life and in mine. I live far from my family of origin. That sister encourages me to come stay with her for awhile when my bf passes.

My other sister just about never calls. Today I got a "text message" from her, on my newish smart-phone. She said she is keeping my bf and me "in [her] thoughts and prayers."

Is it me being overly critical, or is it a bit odd for a sister to text a sentiment of banality under these circumstances? She heard from my other sister that my bf is not long for this world. So she sends me a text? I find that awfully odd.
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Old 06-01-2018, 08:24 AM   #2
eskielover
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable calling & talking. My daughter hates talking on the phone. I never get calls from her. She texts EVERYTHING no matter what the topic. She would probably be just like your sister.

I understand how you feel about it though.

I am sorry to hear that yiur BF'S health has come to this point. I know you were struggling with his health for some time now
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My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that.  ???My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that.  ???
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Old 06-01-2018, 09:01 AM   #3
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Well she didn't hear it from you, so maybe she felt it wasn't appropriate to just call and tell you she knew. Perhaps she wanted to let you know she knew, without putting you in the position where you had to talk to her about it.
Perhaps assuming you didn't want to since you hadn't already spoken to her yourself.

I would take this as a genuine expression of sympathy on your sisters part.
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Old 06-01-2018, 09:26 AM   #4
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

It sounds to me like an appropriate, non-intrusive way of expressing sympathy and support. It allows you room to respond as you wish (a quick text back, a phone call if you have the time or inclination, etc).
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Old 06-01-2018, 03:26 PM   #5
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Heart Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Hi Rose76, so sorry you are going through this… as for the sister that never calls—she is acting within her realm of behavior. She doesn’t call. Sounds like you are not close. She texted—at least she did that…

And like eskielover said, she may not feel comfortable calling. Plus, she may not know what to say…many folks don’t know what to say in this type situation.

I wouldn’t take it personally—you’ve got enough on your plate. And I’m wishing you strength and love.
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Old 06-01-2018, 06:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Thanks for the responses above. She doesn't hear direct from me about things because she doesn't stay in touch with me. I feel stupid calling someone who never calls me. When it got to be me who called and never her, I took the hint. I never want to bother anyone who prefers not to be bothered.

My dog died in 2006. The first person I called was her. I thought we had a normal conversation. I was at the veterinarian and my dog died during surgery. I didn't heavy up on her or keep her long on the phone. A year later she said I highly offended her. She claims I said that the loss of my dog meant the loss of my only friend in the world. She said that was highly insulting to her. I never said any such thing because I never thought such a thing. But, if someone in a state of grief uttered such a maudlin sentiment, I'ld chalk it up to a foolish statement that a person suddenly plunged into grief might be allowed. However I never said any such thing.

This alienation has gone on for over 15 years. I've walked on eggshells trying not to offend her. I give up.
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Rose I think your sister is trying to reach out without being too intrusive and putting you on the spot. She blew it with the dog. She might be trying to make things better. This has been a very long haul with your boyfriend. Think about giving her a chance..maybe talk to your other sister about this. I have seen first hand the devastation family disagreements have caused. If she blows it again, be done with her, but I think she reached out to you the best way she knew how. You can't have too much support at these times. Take it with good spirit. You have nothing to lose and a sister to gain.
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Old 06-02-2018, 10:36 PM   #8
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

I personally do find it a bit odd. It does seem a bit like a platitude in light of what's going on. It just seems a bit too distant, something someone who doesn't know you very well would say. It does seem like that's the case with you and your sister. But still, she's your sister. I do find it odd / understand where you're coming from. It just don't seem like the most thoughtful thing to do. Maybe she wanted to reach out and say something but didn't know what, and said that, but that's just me spitballing tbh.
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Old 06-03-2018, 04:32 PM   #9
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

I value all the responses above. The advice about her not wanting to be intrusive would make sense, if I was her co-worker or 2nd cousin once removed. But I would agree that she seems to really fear being too forward. Or she may have other inhibitions. As deejay says, by not reacting peevishly, I have nothing to lose and a sister to gain . . . maybe. That would be the bigger and more prudent way to handle this.

I wish I were so big and mature that my sister's keeping her distance wouldn't bother me. But I'm not. There is a history of hurtfulness behind all this that goes back years. I am grateful to Zygomycosis for seeing something odd in a sister texting a platitude that might be perfectly serviceable were I less to her than a sister. She has a right to choose her close, personal friends. One doesn't necessarily choose a sibling for that status. But decent manners impel most gracious people to at least fake a certain closeness with immediate family during times such as I'm passing through now. She prides herself on being a gracious person who never, ever "does anything wrong." She is one of the most defensive and self-righteous people I have ever known. She can sure pick me apart with her fault-finding.

I wish I could believe I did have a sister to gain. For years I've twisted myself like a pretzel trying to not react to her hurtfulness because I wanted to save the relationship. I feared saying anything that might widen the breech. I just can't sustain that effort. It gets tortuous. Some people you have to meet more than halfway. I'm fine with that. But I don't want to keep sucking up the hurt. I'ld rather let her drift as far away as she may be willing to drift. I'm willing to accept that she may not know any better. But she gives away a lack of interest in me that is hurtful. No one has to be interested in me. But I'm not going to treat someone as if they were when they keep showing that they aren't.
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Old 06-03-2018, 04:38 PM   #10
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Default Re: My bf is dying and my sis texts she's sorry to hear that. ???

Rose, I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend and the difficult relationship you have with your sister. Do what you feel is best about that relationship. I don't talk to my brothers often. One of them hurt me a lot when we were kids, and i haven't really gotten over it.
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