Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > >



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-13-2018, 08:19 AM   #1
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw is tired of other people's BS
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 5,614 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
531 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Can't discern this guy's level of interest

So...again...met guy on dating site.

I really like him by our initial chats and short phone conversation. It's been just enough to get a feeling for each other and see if we want to meet. He's divorced, two kids, that he is very active with, he has them every other weekend. Plus he owns and runs a fair size land development business. We had initially planned to go out not last night but the Saturday before, but we both got sidelined by illness. His was worse than mine, I was just under the weather. He had some back injury and a cold.

Texting to try and meet sort of dropped off. This weekend he had to head out of state to take a broken tool to the manufacturer to get repaired (it's 8 hours away and much faster for him to drive it up and back than to ship it).

I would like to nail down at least a coffee date and see if there's anything here or if this is just going to be ongoing texts. I feel like it's just been a little bit of bad timing for us both, as we are both very busy (which I kind of like about him, like he won't be smothering me, but he's also been good about responding to my texts).

I dunno, I'm just not sure his level of interest. And if I should just cut this loose or still try to meet.

Any thoughts?

Seesaw
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Old 05-13-2018, 09:11 AM   #2
divine1966
Legendary
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 11,641 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
259 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Itís really kind of hard to tell at this point. I can just say what I would do. Iíd wait and see if he contacts you (he contacts you rather than he replying to your contacts) after this weekend and asks to meet next weekend or some time soon on a specific day at a specific time, such as specific plan. If he doesnít contact you and attempts to make concrete plan for a first date, Iíd not contact him anymore and move on
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 09:14 AM   #3
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw is tired of other people's BS
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 5,614 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
531 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Itís really kind of hard to tell at this point. I can just say what I would do. Iíd wait and see if he contacts you (he contacts you rather than he replying to your contacts) after this weekend and asks to meet next weekend or some time soon on a specific day at a specific time, such as specific plan. If he doesnít contact you and attempts to make concrete plan for a first date, Iíd not contact him anymore and move on
So you wouldn't just point blank text him and suggest a day and time?
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 09:17 AM   #4
TishaBuv
Elder
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 5,868 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
693 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

I agree with Divine. You should let him ask you out. Act like you are very busy and barely thinking about whatís happening or not with him, ie; hard to get.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2018, 09:20 AM   #5
divine1966
Legendary
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 11,641 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
259 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
So you wouldn't just point blank text him and suggest a day and time?
No.

I mean I am all for equality of genders and I am not shy, I am quite opposite of shy.

But in my experience if a man is interested, heíd make sure to call/text/ask to meet. Interested man would go to great length to make sure it happens and thatís how youíd know he is interested.

If he is not that interested or seeing too many women, but is in general polite person, heíd be replying to your calls or texts and might even agree to a date but usually he isnít a good dating prospect

I am not saying you shouldnít initiate dates or contacts when you are dating a guy, it would be silly but since youíve never met and arenít dating yet Iíd expect him to initiate especially since you already question if he is even interested
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 09:23 AM   #6
Anonymous50909
Guest
Anonymous50909 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

I would contact him. It sounds like he is busy, which sounds like a good fit for you and what you need. I say fire off a text and see what you can set up. Worst case scenario he isnt interested and you dont waste more time.
  Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 09:27 AM   #7
divine1966
Legendary
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 11,641 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
259 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadGirl View Post
I would contact him. It sounds like he is busy, which sounds like a good fit for you and what you need. I say fire off a text and see what you can set up. Worst case scenario he isnt interested and you dont waste more time.
In general it would be ok but they already tried to set up dates two weekends in a row and he was sick or had to drive somewhere. And texts kind of dwindled which is a bad sign (although he replies to texts but itís a sign of common courtesy not as much interest). But I do agree that there is nothing to lose and no need to waste time.
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2018, 09:30 AM   #8
divine1966
Legendary
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 11,641 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

3 yr Member
259 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I agree with Divine. You should let him ask you out. Act like you are very busy and barely thinking about whatís happening or not with him, ie; hard to get.
I wouldnít act or pretend to be hard to get. Playing games is never a good idea. Nothing good ever comes of it. Some women have these misconceptions that men like ďhard to getĒ women. Not seriously inclined men who arenít into games. They donít want to waste their time. Men need to know if women are interested. So Iíd act natural such as very willing to meet. I just would let guy initiate first date especially if there is a concern that he isnít interested.
divine1966 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 10:15 AM   #9
healingme4me
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison Leader
Community Liaison
 
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me Needs a little reading lamp.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 41,491 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

5 yr Member
6,407 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
So you wouldn't just point blank text him and suggest a day and time?
I wouldn't point blank suggest the time and day. Maybe send off a text today or tomorrow that maybe suggests what days you have open.
healingme4me is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-13-2018, 11:30 AM   #10
Anonymous50909
Guest
Anonymous50909 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Can't discern this guy's level of interest

Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
So...again...met guy on dating site.

I really like him by our initial chats and short phone conversation. It's been just enough to get a feeling for each other and see if we want to meet. He's divorced, two kids, that he is very active with, he has them every other weekend. Plus he owns and runs a fair size land development business. We had initially planned to go out not last night but the Saturday before, but we both got sidelined by illness. His was worse than mine, I was just under the weather. He had some back injury and a cold.

Texting to try and meet sort of dropped off. This weekend he had to head out of state to take a broken tool to the manufacturer to get repaired (it's 8 hours away and much faster for him to drive it up and back than to ship it).

I would like to nail down at least a coffee date and see if there's anything here or if this is just going to be ongoing texts. I feel like it's just been a little bit of bad timing for us both, as we are both very busy (which I kind of like about him, like he won't be smothering me, but he's also been good about responding to my texts).

I dunno, I'm just not sure his level of interest. And if I should just cut this loose or still try to meet.

Any thoughts?

Seesaw
Not sure why you need to cut him lose yet. Do you have a feeling l like he's not interested? It does sound like you're both quite busy, and I also think there's nothing wrong with asking him to get coffee on a certain date. If he shies away from that, I'd then say cut loose. But go with your gut first and foremost.
edit: Ah, ok missed the part about his texts dwindling and possible lack of interest. If you're into him and want to find out what's up, I'd just ask. Or move on. Either way.
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:04 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines