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Old 04-25-2018, 03:51 PM   #21
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(((Patagonia))), I am sorry someone else triggered you and you are struggling so much today. Allow yourself to step back and do some self care until this passes so you can talk about it or vent if you need to. Sorry to say, but I do know what a bad trigger like this can do, even when it leads to a day that you need to step back and allow this to pass. It's "ok" take the time to step back until this passes. ((((((Hugs)))))) and it will pass.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:26 AM   #22
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Patagonia, one of the things I have learned in my own challenge with PTSD is that my ability to "ignore" a lot of the things that people do and say has changed. If you were to injure the bottom of your foot for example, you would be a lot more sensitive to what you wear as shoes and what kind of surface you walk on. Well, that is how it is when someone experiences a trauma/traumas too, it causes that person to be more sensitive and aware. A person who suddenly experiences an injury/physical trauma will be more sensitive and will have to figure out how to walk differently to avoid feeling pain, other people around them who don't have this challenge, who don't have to think about where they walk and what kind of shoes will better protect their feet, are not going to understand what it's like and can even be insensitive in a lot of ways when it comes to walking around you in this world and respecting how you are "challenged". It's really not surprising that this "fact" would cause anyone to begin to lose faith in others. A person who develops sensitive feet will have to change what kind of shoes they wear, they will have to get over no longer being able to wear high heels or other shoes they used to enjoy wearing. Well, it's very similar to changing one's lifestyle when they experience a trauma and find themselves more sensitive and begin to make lifestyle changes so they can reduce the things that can cause them "pain" or stress or emotional fatigue. It's also getting to a point in one's personal life experience where they realize they can't carry the heavier bags of groceries anymore and so they learn to put "less" in their grocery bags.

I think you "feel" you are making progress because you are actually doing something about lightening your load and removing things you have realized you can't engage in because you don't want to deal with the stress. When someone is actually putting out the effort to make this change, it's a very private decision and it isn't "easy" and the desire is to just get it done with as stress free as possible.

It's very understandable how your effort to change and remove that has brought about your suddenly having to deal with so many different social intrusions as you have shared has made this task stressful. This is "normally" stressful for anyone, but for someone who struggles with PTSD sensitivities, it's more of a challenge. It's very understandable that you would struggle with this and need to take a break and distance as you had experienced yesterday. As someone who struggles with this challenge myself, I can see that you are doing really well considering how challenging this task really is for you. I am sorry that I am not able to be a physical presence for you to give you a hug and make you a nice cup of tea and sit with you as you slowly calm down from whatever triggered you to feel so upset yesterday.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:27 AM   #23
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Iím still having issues with all this. Earlier this morning I was ok, but I just got more emails that are upsetting me!
Two days ago I set up a time I was going to be home so this woman could come buy some things.
Yesterday while I was home, but doing another project, this woman pulls into my driveway, 5 hrs before the time I scheduled! I started to have a panic attack! I freaked out & hid in my closet! She came up to the door, rang my door bell, knocked & my dog went crazy. Then, I guess, she sat in her car, in my driveway & texted me ďooops, sorry Iím early, Iím sitting in your driveway....Ē(my car is in the driveway so I guess she just figures Iím home) then she texted, guess Iíll come back.
But she didnít leave! She sat in my driveway for 20min bec I came out to settle my dog.
I was so surprised, not by her actions, that came later, but by my own reaction of panicking, shaking, having a meltdown over this, I was just a puddle of nerves!
A long time ago I wouldíve reached for my phone to call my SO & I didnít bother bec he just wouldnít understand. Besides heís very busy. So I sat there on the floor waiting for an old Xanax to kick in.

So the time she was supposed to be here I was calm enough to be ready. 2 hrs!!!! later she texted me she was having car problems & couldnít make it. It was a horrible day...& now she wants to try & meet again tomorrow. God I donít think I can stand this anymore!

The people that emailed me saying they really wanted my big equipment have disappeared after Iíve cleaned the equipment up, took photos of it & figured out a very fair market price on it. All the sudden Iím getting emails that say their not ready for a big purchase! WTH!
So Ive put everything on Craigslist again. Where itís staying! I really feel that people in this art community think Iím giving everything away for FREE! And someone told them that!

I get emails that say ďheard youíre unloadingĒ this or ďI can take this off your headsĒ like their doing me a favor!
Iím not dead & im not giving stuff away just to them bec they belong to this community! So I write these emails, try to be nice, say what I have & the price for it...& I donít hear from them again!

I have one person whoís interested in something very specific she knows I have. I told her itís hard for me to get out but I will try. Sheís emailed me three times that sheís interested & thereís ďno rush to get it out, when you can.Ē (But had to tell me that 3times!). So I emailed her a price for it & I need to know if sheís interested before I spend the time getting it out...& surprise I havenít heard from her! So Iím not getting it out!

Yes I wanto put this chapter away in my life. Itís something I want gone. Out of sight...& these interactions are making it all worse! The things that I felt were positive like moving the equipment now feel negative. My SO is making me second guess some of my decisions.
The feeling of maybe trying to get back into society in general instead of being terribly alone, well my parts are telling me that no one can hurt me when Iím alone & in the grand scheme that makes sense to me.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:50 AM   #24
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Patagonia, we were writing and posted at the same time. First, you did a really good job describing what took place that triggered you so much yesterday. What you described most definitely would have trigger me too. I would be pissed if someone showed up that early instead of the scheduled time I had made for them. I most definitely struggle when I come across people that do things like that, it's very "disrespectful and selfish".

Unfortunately Patagonia, people will call and inquire about things and seem interested and then fall short of actually following up or making any "real" commitment. I get that in my business all the time. All the things you have shared are things I have experienced myself and found to be VERY disturbing, even before I developed PTSD. Honestly, I often wonder how a lot of people manage because there sure is a lack of "manners" and the respectful edict that I grew up with. Yes, unfortunately, this is how people do behave when trying to sell something these days. I am sorry you have been having to deal with this. I had a friend that owned an antique shop that I met while out antiquing and I would visit her just to chat and she finally gave that business up because of how rude people were getting so obnoxious.

Yes, people will call or inquire sounding like they are ready to buy only to basically be what is called an "annoying tire kicker" which is what they call the annoying people that come in to a car dealership with no real intention of actually making a purchase. This is something that happens with any business though and it's most definitely annoying.

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Old 04-26-2018, 11:46 AM   #25
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Iím still having issues with all this. Earlier this morning I was ok, but I just got more emails that are upsetting me!
Two days ago I set up a time I was going to be home so this woman could come buy some things.
Yesterday while I was home, but doing another project, this woman pulls into my driveway, 5 hrs before the time I scheduled! I started to have a panic attack! I freaked out & hid in my closet! She came up to the door, rang my door bell, knocked & my dog went crazy. Then, I guess, she sat in her car, in my driveway & texted me ďooops, sorry Iím early, Iím sitting in your driveway....Ē(my car is in the driveway so I guess she just figures Iím home) then she texted, guess Iíll come back.

Ok, it's understandable this would be very triggering. You learned something from this so the next time you can make sure to tell the person "do not just show up early, I need to keep the the scheduled time". I have had to learn how to be firm with people like that because I had people decide to show up and walk about my farm thinking it was ok to do so and I was not ready and I don't like it when people just assume they can explore my farm and even go over to my ponies without my consent. So now you know how to make sure you are firm when you tell someone a time.


But she didnít leave! She sat in my driveway for 20min bec I came out to settle my dog.
I was so surprised, not by her actions, that came later, but by my own reaction of panicking, shaking, having a meltdown over this, I was just a puddle of nerves!

This is understandable considering you struggle with PTSD and sensitive and clearly are not prepared for surprises like this.
Give yourself a break and don't be hard on yourself over this experience and your reaction.



A long time ago I wouldíve reached for my phone to call my SO & I didnít bother bec he just wouldnít understand. Besides heís very busy. So I sat there on the floor waiting for an old Xanax to kick in.

So the time she was supposed to be here I was calm enough to be ready. 2 hrs!!!! later she texted me she was having car problems & couldnít make it. It was a horrible day...& now she wants to try & meet again tomorrow. God I donít think I can stand this anymore!

OK, that really was a challenging day in that nothing went "your way", it's understandable this would trigger you, after all this is a new experience for you and it's been hard enough for you to follow through with this choice you made, don't second guess yourself, you have long decided you wanted to step away from this art stuff, it's OK.

The people that emailed me saying they really wanted my big equipment have disappeared after Iíve cleaned the equipment up, took photos of it & figured out a very fair market price on it. All the sudden Iím getting emails that say their not ready for a big purchase! WTH!
So Ive put everything on Craigslist again. Where itís staying! I really feel that people in this art community think Iím giving everything away for FREE! And someone told them that!

This is something one learns when they try to sell things, I have experienced this myself and then when I talked about price ended up not hearing back. I often find myself wondering what people expect to pay, truth is they often have a price in their head that is unrealistic, it happens all the time. When selling things you actually can get so you know how the person interacts in a way that means they are not a serious buyer.

I get emails that say ďheard youíre unloadingĒ this or ďI can take this off your headsĒ like their doing me a favor!
Iím not dead & im not giving stuff away just to them bec they belong to this community! So I write these emails, try to be nice, say what I have & the price for it...& I donít hear from them again!

Yes, people often to use that phrase "I can take it off your hands" as if they ARE doing you a big favor. They want you to think of the relief you will get just to get rid of whatever it is so they can make a low offer.

I have one person whoís interested in something very specific she knows I have. I told her itís hard for me to get out but I will try. Sheís emailed me three times that sheís interested & thereís ďno rush to get it out, when you can.Ē (But had to tell me that 3times!). So I emailed her a price for it & I need to know if sheís interested before I spend the time getting it out...& surprise I havenít heard from her! So Iím not getting it out!

Yes, again, this woman had an unrealistic idea of what it would cost and will need to think about it, perhaps talk it over with her husband and she may not bother to call you back. Yup, that's how people roll sometimes too Patagonia.

Yes I wanto put this chapter away in my life. Itís something I want gone. Out of sight...& these interactions are making it all worse! The things that I felt were positive like moving the equipment now feel negative. My SO is making me second guess some of my decisions.
The feeling of maybe trying to get back into society in general instead of being terribly alone, well my parts are telling me that no one can hurt me when Iím alone & in the grand scheme that makes sense to me.
Unfortunately, selling items like you have described is stressful because you have to deal with all kinds of people that notoriously want something for nothing or have unrealistic ideas about how much this item will cost.

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Old 04-26-2018, 12:25 PM   #26
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Unfortunately, selling items like you have described is stressful because you have to deal with all kinds of people that notoriously want something for nothing or have unrealistic ideas about how much this item will cost.





I guess the plus side, after doing more research, is that the value of everything Iím selling has significantly gone up in price!
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Old 04-26-2018, 07:01 PM   #27
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The down side is this has all become a major set back!
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Old 04-27-2018, 11:06 AM   #28
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((Patagonia)), liquidating the items that were important to you and that you spent time collecting into what you had and who you were for a while is not "easy". On top of that, you are trying to do this while at the same time struggling with PTSD. What the average person doesn't understand about PTSD is that the person struggling with it isn't stupid and can even be very brave, however, the challenge the person faces is not knowing what might trigger them and it makes the person feel insecure about themselves. This is why someone struggling with PTSD can get so angry when another person tells them to "just" and "don't let that get to you", the "don't let it" which is EXACTLY what the person struggling wants to do but struggles and can be very sensitive.

That woman who showed up extremely "early" really caught you off guard, and you ended up severely triggered to the point where you hid in your closet. You did not really choose to experience that reaction either, instead, you experienced an extreme fear come over you and you panicked. Well, I have experienced reactions where I reacted and went right into "flight" and that was never like me. It's hard enough to not have control over others and have to figure out how to deal with people like that, but, having one's self react without really "allowing it, deciding to experience the reaction", let's face it, it's scary and it's deeply unsettling to not know when you may react like that too.

One of the things that results from "Trauma" is that it creates "self doubt" and some guilt in that "why did I not prevent that from happening?". If a person has several Traumas, while that person may be resilient, a bad enough Trauma can result in this person getting so overwhelmed by whatever that Trauma cost them that the person can develop PTSD where they begin to fear a lot of things and struggle in ways that even catch that person themselves by surprise. This is what you experienced when that woman showed up "hours" before you gave her an appointment. The combination of how this woman did something unpredictable, wrong, assuming, intrusive along with how that severely triggered you actually "traumatized" you and that is why you are now feeling this "set back". I am sorry (((Patagonia))), I have experienced this many times now myself so I know how this feels and it's very disappointing in a way so many don't understand and it's very hard to articulate it where someone would understand instead of responding in ways that are "unsupportive" and I know that happens too because I have experienced that first hand too.

I also know what it's like to be experiencing a major trigger and wanting to be able to call someone to help you and then realize you don't really have anyone that can come and "rescue" you either by their presence or by being sensitive and sympathetic and gently talking you through it so you can slowly calm down. I have experienced major triggers and have come to learn who NOT to call because they get mad, say all the wrong things and make the challenge even worse too. I found that this led to my feeling alone and "abandoned". Yet, because I had finally found a therapist that understood, really understood "trauma therapy", I experienced a presence that for a few years, the real important years when I was struggling really badly where I did have the right "calm, knowing, supportive presence". What this man did for me is not only did he help me, saved my life really, but even though he retired and I no longer have that presence that I can physically experience, I still have his presence in my mind.

Patagonia, what that woman did was "intrusive" and if I was in that situation I would have been triggered too. I probably would not have gone to the door either and I also would have been "angry" after I calmed down from being badly triggered too. I would have also experienced "self doubt" and questioned my progress in my healing because instead of handling that intrusion, I reacted and got triggered.

This is a situation where "now" you will need to learn how to sit with yourself and talk to yourself where you allow yourself to look at this entire experience in a new way. Yes, that happened to me, Yes she was intrusive and completely caught me off guard, Yes, I was triggered and wanted to hide and even though that happened, "I am ok now, I am SAFE now and I managed to get through that awful experience". (((Patagonia))), it's ok if you did not know what to do, it's even ok if you were triggered by that woman's unexpected intrusive behavior. You have "learned" something from that too.

What does it really mean when someone says "I have lost my faith in Humanity"?

Well, the truth about this statement Patagonia, is that the longer one lives and interacts with others, the more one will be exposed to how human beings are not what we ourselves expect and human beings often don't have the respect for boundaries like we somehow thought they would, and a lot of human beings don't seem to have the understanding of the things we ourselves have either when it comes to respecting the boundaries of others. The lack of "faith" is not only about this reality about human beings, but also one's faith in self in how to handle all the challenges one may face when it comes to all the behaviors displayed by other human beings that can challenge our own sense of how others "should" respect our boundaries.

In this thread you have shared a lot of different things that bother you. You have talked about how the people that you interacted with in your "art" community have sought you out because you have decided to no longer engage in this particular lifestyle. None of these individuals cultivated a relationship with you where they actually "cared" about you in a personal way, right? It's important that you also think about how much you engaged them that way too. This is what is behind all the different kinds of interactions these individuals are exhibiting with you. It reflects the kind of presence you had for them and that included how these people did not really KNOW you in a deeper more personal way. People always exhibit "what they know" Patagonia. The woman that said to you "we will have to go have coffee sometime", was really letting you know that she really doesn't know you "personally" other than whatever way you interacted and did within that community. Maybe, you should actually take her up on that offer Patagonia. That doesn't have to mean you are suddenly committed to selling her something for less either. Actually, if you took the time to have coffee with this person you may find out she can relate to a lot of the things you have shared here in this thread. She may agree with how political things can get, how people in this art community can be critical and all she has learned to do is to engage for whatever she can "learn" in terms of her developing her own abilities. Like you, she may feel it's hard to deal with others in this community on a more personal level and that maybe some other members in this community have airs about them that make her uncomfortable in the way you yourself have shared feeling.

I am posting to you and "identifying" with some of the challenges you have been facing, and a couple of times you have replied with "it's nice to know someone gets what this is" right? YET, if you met me in another way, you probably would not really get to see that part of me. I can say that some of my best experiences when it comes to other human beings has been in my weakest and even vulnerable moments. Truth is, that as much as other human beings have surprised me with their "negative" behaviors, I have also been surprised by other human beings that were also actually sensitive and caring too.

For example, I had experienced some extremely challenging days and I had to go down to a local market and the woman that was behind that counter asked me "how are you" and I ended up in tears, crying, and replied "not good at all". Well, this woman was SO NICE to me and SO COMFORTING and CARING and I really needed that kind of presence that day. This woman knew first hand how hard things can be and that she herself has been alone with some deep challenges. That day, that experience helped to restore some faith in "humanity" for me. I have had quite a few good conversations with this woman and these good conversations came out of moments of "emotional weaknesses in both me AND her".

Your taking on this task and selling all these items you have will bring about interactions from other people that are all about what these people do when it comes to buying things online like this. These individuals are not going to interact on the personal level you would like either, they will all have different ways of approaching you where they are often just investigating what these items will cost and if they can actually "afford" these items. This is not as "personal" as you would like and YES this is all kinds of people that are really just figuring out how to find these items for themselves and truth is a lot of people are just "learning" how to do this too. Each individual that engages you will be showing you "what they know" too. For example, at one point you shared here in this thread how you did not "care" about the money and that you just wanted things gone? WELL, when you got that call from that man who said "I will take it off your hands" that guy is experienced enough to know that often that is what a lot of people WANT, they just want to get rid of things. And this man may actually buy and sell things and has probably dealt with a lot of people that have things he knows have value and are things he can make money off of that just want a reasonably fair price and just want these items gone and don't want to deal with all the people "you" have been dealing with that jerk you around. (a lot of people don't have the patience to deal with all that you have been experiencing with different people)

You posted that you have learned that a lot of these items have increased in value. Well, you got so you investigated some of these items for yourself. This is actually a "positive" Patagonia, because when you "know" that actual value you can say that to a potential buyer and you will also be able to use that information with someone like this man who "will take it off your hands" too.

What I can also see as a "positive" taking place in you Patagonia is that even though you were triggered, you did some research AND you put another add in too. You have gone from hiding in the closet to ENGAGING. My point about this Patagonia is you are not giving in and running to that closet and there was a point where you would have done that, this means you have done some gaining in your healing. Yes, you got triggered and it was a set back, but you are not running and hiding, you are engaging instead. Patagonia, you are NOT stupid, you can still learn and you CAN learn to have more "faith" in yourself. This is what you need to rebuild the most in yourself again. Yes, you experienced a set back, it made you question yourself yet again too, but, what you are "now" learning how to do is regain your sense of "faith" in self, to learn how to be resilient again as you do just that. This is part of your "healing" and it will include some ups and downs and set backs. However, remember something about yourself Patagonia, you are NOT stupid, you can still learn and make gains.

Last edited by Open Eyes; 04-27-2018 at 11:22 AM..
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Old 04-29-2018, 12:23 PM   #29
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((Patagonia)), liquidating the items that were important to you and that you spent time collecting into what you had and who you were for a while is not "easy". On top of that, you are trying to do this while at the same time struggling with PTSD. What the average person doesn't understand about PTSD is that the person struggling with it isn't stupid and can even be very brave, however, the challenge the person faces is not knowing what might trigger them and it makes the person feel insecure about themselves. This is why someone struggling with PTSD can get so angry when another person tells them to "just" and "don't let that get to you", the "don't let it" which is EXACTLY what the person struggling wants to do but struggles and can be very sensitive.



That woman who showed up extremely "early" really caught you off guard, and you ended up severely triggered to the point where you hid in your closet. You did not really choose to experience that reaction either, instead, you experienced an extreme fear come over you and you panicked. Well, I have experienced reactions where I reacted and went right into "flight" and that was never like me. It's hard enough to not have control over others and have to figure out how to deal with people like that, but, having one's self react without really "allowing it, deciding to experience the reaction", let's face it, it's scary and it's deeply unsettling to not know when you may react like that too.



One of the things that results from "Trauma" is that it creates "self doubt" and some guilt in that "why did I not prevent that from happening?". If a person has several Traumas, while that person may be resilient, a bad enough Trauma can result in this person getting so overwhelmed by whatever that Trauma cost them that the person can develop PTSD where they begin to fear a lot of things and struggle in ways that even catch that person themselves by surprise. This is what you experienced when that woman showed up "hours" before you gave her an appointment. The combination of how this woman did something unpredictable, wrong, assuming, intrusive along with how that severely triggered you actually "traumatized" you and that is why you are now feeling this "set back". I am sorry (((Patagonia))), I have experienced this many times now myself so I know how this feels and it's very disappointing in a way so many don't understand and it's very hard to articulate it where someone would understand instead of responding in ways that are "unsupportive" and I know that happens too because I have experienced that first hand too.



I also know what it's like to be experiencing a major trigger and wanting to be able to call someone to help you and then realize you don't really have anyone that can come and "rescue" you either by their presence or by being sensitive and sympathetic and gently talking you through it so you can slowly calm down. I have experienced major triggers and have come to learn who NOT to call because they get mad, say all the wrong things and make the challenge even worse too. I found that this led to my feeling alone and "abandoned". Yet, because I had finally found a therapist that understood, really understood "trauma therapy", I experienced a presence that for a few years, the real important years when I was struggling really badly where I did have the right "calm, knowing, supportive presence". What this man did for me is not only did he help me, saved my life really, but even though he retired and I no longer have that presence that I can physically experience, I still have his presence in my mind.



Patagonia, what that woman did was "intrusive" and if I was in that situation I would have been triggered too. I probably would not have gone to the door either and I also would have been "angry" after I calmed down from being badly triggered too. I would have also experienced "self doubt" and questioned my progress in my healing because instead of handling that intrusion, I reacted and got triggered.



This is a situation where "now" you will need to learn how to sit with yourself and talk to yourself where you allow yourself to look at this entire experience in a new way. Yes, that happened to me, Yes she was intrusive and completely caught me off guard, Yes, I was triggered and wanted to hide and even though that happened, "I am ok now, I am SAFE now and I managed to get through that awful experience". (((Patagonia))), it's ok if you did not know what to do, it's even ok if you were triggered by that woman's unexpected intrusive behavior. You have "learned" something from that too.



What does it really mean when someone says "I have lost my faith in Humanity"?



Well, the truth about this statement Patagonia, is that the longer one lives and interacts with others, the more one will be exposed to how human beings are not what we ourselves expect and human beings often don't have the respect for boundaries like we somehow thought they would, and a lot of human beings don't seem to have the understanding of the things we ourselves have either when it comes to respecting the boundaries of others. The lack of "faith" is not only about this reality about human beings, but also one's faith in self in how to handle all the challenges one may face when it comes to all the behaviors displayed by other human beings that can challenge our own sense of how others "should" respect our boundaries.



In this thread you have shared a lot of different things that bother you. You have talked about how the people that you interacted with in your "art" community have sought you out because you have decided to no longer engage in this particular lifestyle. None of these individuals cultivated a relationship with you where they actually "cared" about you in a personal way, right? It's important that you also think about how much you engaged them that way too. This is what is behind all the different kinds of interactions these individuals are exhibiting with you. It reflects the kind of presence you had for them and that included how these people did not really KNOW you in a deeper more personal way. People always exhibit "what they know" Patagonia. The woman that said to you "we will have to go have coffee sometime", was really letting you know that she really doesn't know you "personally" other than whatever way you interacted and did within that community. Maybe, you should actually take her up on that offer Patagonia. That doesn't have to mean you are suddenly committed to selling her something for less either. Actually, if you took the time to have coffee with this person you may find out she can relate to a lot of the things you have shared here in this thread. She may agree with how political things can get, how people in this art community can be critical and all she has learned to do is to engage for whatever she can "learn" in terms of her developing her own abilities. Like you, she may feel it's hard to deal with others in this community on a more personal level and that maybe some other members in this community have airs about them that make her uncomfortable in the way you yourself have shared feeling.



I am posting to you and "identifying" with some of the challenges you have been facing, and a couple of times you have replied with "it's nice to know someone gets what this is" right? YET, if you met me in another way, you probably would not really get to see that part of me. I can say that some of my best experiences when it comes to other human beings has been in my weakest and even vulnerable moments. Truth is, that as much as other human beings have surprised me with their "negative" behaviors, I have also been surprised by other human beings that were also actually sensitive and caring too.



For example, I had experienced some extremely challenging days and I had to go down to a local market and the woman that was behind that counter asked me "how are you" and I ended up in tears, crying, and replied "not good at all". Well, this woman was SO NICE to me and SO COMFORTING and CARING and I really needed that kind of presence that day. This woman knew first hand how hard things can be and that she herself has been alone with some deep challenges. That day, that experience helped to restore some faith in "humanity" for me. I have had quite a few good conversations with this woman and these good conversations came out of moments of "emotional weaknesses in both me AND her".



Your taking on this task and selling all these items you have will bring about interactions from other people that are all about what these people do when it comes to buying things online like this. These individuals are not going to interact on the personal level you would like either, they will all have different ways of approaching you where they are often just investigating what these items will cost and if they can actually "afford" these items. This is not as "personal" as you would like and YES this is all kinds of people that are really just figuring out how to find these items for themselves and truth is a lot of people are just "learning" how to do this too. Each individual that engages you will be showing you "what they know" too. For example, at one point you shared here in this thread how you did not "care" about the money and that you just wanted things gone? WELL, when you got that call from that man who said "I will take it off your hands" that guy is experienced enough to know that often that is what a lot of people WANT, they just want to get rid of things. And this man may actually buy and sell things and has probably dealt with a lot of people that have things he knows have value and are things he can make money off of that just want a reasonably fair price and just want these items gone and don't want to deal with all the people "you" have been dealing with that jerk you around. (a lot of people don't have the patience to deal with all that you have been experiencing with different people)



You posted that you have learned that a lot of these items have increased in value. Well, you got so you investigated some of these items for yourself. This is actually a "positive" Patagonia, because when you "know" that actual value you can say that to a potential buyer and you will also be able to use that information with someone like this man who "will take it off your hands" too.



What I can also see as a "positive" taking place in you Patagonia is that even though you were triggered, you did some research AND you put another add in too. You have gone from hiding in the closet to ENGAGING. My point about this Patagonia is you are not giving in and running to that closet and there was a point where you would have done that, this means you have done some gaining in your healing. Yes, you got triggered and it was a set back, but you are not running and hiding, you are engaging instead. Patagonia, you are NOT stupid, you can still learn and you CAN learn to have more "faith" in yourself. This is what you need to rebuild the most in yourself again. Yes, you experienced a set back, it made you question yourself yet again too, but, what you are "now" learning how to do is regain your sense of "faith" in self, to learn how to be resilient again as you do just that. This is part of your "healing" and it will include some ups and downs and set backs. However, remember something about yourself Patagonia, you are NOT stupid, you can still learn and make gains.


Thank you! Again this did take me some time to digest & run thru the vast array of emotions attached to it.
And what I keep coming back to is that some people intentionally &/o unintentionally hurt me. I do see myself moving thru my emotions faster, desperate to keep moving. So I feel that every interaction shows me my weaknesses & places that need reenforcement.
My ďfaithĒ in my self proves to be solitude & I need to become more resilient to reach this quest.
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Old 04-29-2018, 03:10 PM   #30
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Default Re: Iíve Lost My Faith In Humanity!

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Originally Posted by Patagonia View Post
Thank you! Again this did take me some time to digest & run thru the vast array of emotions attached to it.

Ok, it's alright to sit and think about what I talked about like that, I was trying to help you look at things in a way I myself have had to learn and I can identify where you are and I know first hand that it can take time to think through what I presented to you. It's "ok".

And what I keep coming back to is that some people intentionally &/o unintentionally hurt me.
Ok, I understand that "yes" some people are testing you, especially in this type of situation you have engaged in. Remember though Patagonia, that when it comes to the PTSD lense, interactions like this are going to be magified, and what I mean by that is some of what you have shared will magnify the way you FEEL about the different kinds of things these other people say to you. What I just said is not your fault either, it's part of the condition itself and that means anything unexpected and somewhat intrusive will put you on the defensive. This is what is behind your reaction to how that woman showing up so early put into such a panic that you hid in your closet. Now that this is over I am sure you are struggling, and perhaps even traumatized that you reacted that way. It's ok, you did react but honestly, experiencing this challenge myself first hand, I know how something can bring on a severe trigger like that. Honestly, it's just as well that woman ended up not bothering you again that day too. You needed to get past that experience and probably were not ready to deal with her again. It's actually better to have time to recover from a severe trigger like that Patagonia.

I do see myself moving thru my emotions faster, desperate to keep moving.

This is coming from how your brain is trying to compensate Patagonia, this is your effort to over ride the rush of emotions that you can experience, it's part of a hypervigilant state of mind. It's like the engine racing as you are trying to manually switch gears because you are trying to function on switching gears manually instead of driving an automatic transmission. You know Patagonia, everything "man made" is actually compatible to how our brains work. At first all engines were standard until we discovered how to make them automatic. You can actually get good at manually shifting gears, with time an "patience".

So I feel that every interaction shows me my weaknesses & places that need reenforcement.

Notice how you used the words "I feel" here? YES, this is what you are experiencing, and it's magnified still, yet, don't keep adding to that by calling yourself weak, truth is you are "sensitive" because of experiencing "trauma" and that is when we experience something that is profound and we have no idea how to prevent it so it traumatizes us. In turn, this affects how we FEEL about our ability to interact and handle things like we "used to in our sense of auto pilot". The need for "reinforcement" comes from gaining more knowledge in how to regain your ability in handling unexpected interactions. YOU are the one who is injured the most, this is what your sensitivity is all about Patagonia, I have this challenge myself and part of this challenge is learning how to gain on working around it. Patigonia, you are NOT stupid, you can learn, but you need to learn how to be "patient" with self as you gradually do this learning. I know first hand that in itself is a challenge and I am constantly working away at it myself. I also know that the extra work involved is tiring to the mind, so taking breaks and rest is important.
My ďfaithĒ in my self proves to be solitude & I need to become more resilient to reach this quest.
YES, restoring "faith" in self does require some solitude and but it's important to also make efforts to engage instead of avoiding completely. Rebuilding faith in self takes time and it's gradual, I know you are trying and I have noticed you have made some gains on it too.
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