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Old 04-12-2018, 11:06 AM   #1
Jtimber
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Default Lost love donít know how to cope

Hi

Iíll keep this as brief as possible. I found the girl of my dreams a few months ago and weíve had a brilliant time. Sheís 38 Iím 32. I fell in love at first sight and she did too. Weíve never had an argument and always laugh together. Sheís my best friend as well as my lover. Then 2 days ago out the blue she tells me she needs to be on her own. And thatís it. She wonít listen to reason, I know she suffers from terrible PMT and is going through that right now. But as for me, Iíve had my whole world turned upside down for what I can see as no reason. I feel lost and hurt and absolutely terrible. What can I do?
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Old 04-12-2018, 03:40 PM   #2
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Default Re: Lost love donít know how to cope

Sadly, there isn't much you can do other than to try to accept it and move on as best as you can. That may sound blunt or harsh, but believe me I have been through this and I do know how difficult it is. Anything I tell you will fall on deaf ears right now, but I will do my best to give you advice I wish I had after my last breakup.

People say that "time heals all wounds" and that is false. Some wounds, obviously, can't heal. Others may heal, but leave scars. A broken heart falls into the latter. You will "heal", in a sense, but a scar will always remain. One that will remind you of the time you received the scar, just like any actual scar.

That may sound depressing, but you know what? After my latest breakup I got so tired of hearing the same thing. "It'll get better, things will be fine", etc etc etc... These things are true, but personally I didn't want to hear them. The truth is that, yes, things will get better. You will move on from this and most likely be stronger because of it. However, if you were as in love as you believe you were then this will still follow you in some ways.

It took me years to get to the point I am today. I still think about my ex nearly every day. If I do manage to go a few days mostly without thinking about it, I will have a dream that sucks me back in. But what did time do for me? It allowed me to finally accept it and put those memories where they belong. I reflect on them when I feel I need to, but then the next day is a new day and I live my life as a mostly happy, functioning human being rather than the complete zombie I was before.

You never do know what will happen in life, either. This relationship may be a hiatus rather than a finality, but all that I can really say is that we all should make sure any relationship we are in is just that - a relationship. We can't allow it to be our entire lives where we can't function and don't know what to do when it ends. A buddy of mine recently got out of a relationship where he had moved for his girlfriend, into a more expensive home that he couldn't afford alone, and she left him and the house payment. We should always, at the very least, have safeguards in place for possible situations like that.

I obviously don't know your whole story, but the best thing a relationship ending can do for us is teach us how to better handle it the next time. That's really all I can say, but I am very sorry that this happened. It always sucks, especially when it is sudden and unexpected. I wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to reply.
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Old 04-13-2018, 08:41 AM   #3
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Default Re: Lost love donít know how to cope

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jtimber View Post
Then 2 days ago out the blue she tells me she needs to be on her own.
Give her space. Honor her need to be on her own and maybe there is a chance she will come back. If she doesn't want to, there is nothing you can do. I am sorry you are in so much pain. They only thing I know to do is put some of that energy into your work, studies, exercise, wash your car, clean house--that kind of thing. It won't stop the pain but sometimes you can channel the energy into something productive.....
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:29 AM   #4
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Default Re: Lost love donít know how to cope

Quote:
She wonít listen to reason
has she given you a REAL reason that you aren't listening to or didn't hear?

Usually women give HINTS as to what is bothering them before they just cut off a relationship.

When was the ACTUAL last time she indicated thst you meant as much to her as she means to you (in other words was distance building up that you didn't pay attention to?)

Looking back & analyzing what went on always helps for handling future relationships.

I doubt that it is JUST PMT that is the cause but really can't tell not having observed the relationship & what was going on.....best to distance. If she wants to come back she will but if relationships aren't a 2 way street they AREN'T a relationship & you just have to let it go & use it as a learning experience.
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:57 AM   #5
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Default Re: Lost love donít know how to cope

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying View Post
Give her space. Honor her need to be on her own and maybe there is a chance she will come back. If she doesn't want to, there is nothing you can do. I am sorry you are in so much pain. They only thing I know to do is put some of that energy into your work, studies, exercise, wash your car, clean house--that kind of thing. It won't stop the pain but sometimes you can channel the energy into something productive.....
Itís so hard. Iíve never been in love before her and itís torture. Canít sleep and when I do drift off I dream that Iím with her and then waking up to reality is agony
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Old 04-13-2018, 12:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: Lost love donít know how to cope

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
has she given you a REAL reason that you aren't listening to or didn't hear?

Usually women give HINTS as to what is bothering them before they just cut off a relationship.

When was the ACTUAL last time she indicated thst you meant as much to her as she means to you (in other words was distance building up that you didn't pay attention to?)

Looking back & analyzing what went on always helps for handling future relationships.

I doubt that it is JUST PMT that is the cause but really can't tell not having observed the relationship & what was going on.....best to distance. If she wants to come back she will but if relationships aren't a 2 way street they AREN'T a relationship & you just have to let it go & use it as a learning experience.
The last time I saw her was Sunday and it was great. She told me she loves me and everything was completely perfect between us. Then Monday she went the other way and told me she canít be in a relationship and that she needs to be alone. It just doesnít make any sense. She suffers with PMT to the extreme that sheís asked the doctor for a hysterectomy because sometimes she canít cope with it.
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