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Old 04-10-2018, 02:31 AM   #1
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Angry Had it with my brother

I always thought that me and my older brother had a decent relationship. We were never super close but I still looked forward to seeing or talking to him when it was possible. And then almost 3 years ago he met his wife. I was happy for him since he's always struggled in the romance department. Long story short, she is an incredibly sheltered individual and I guess she doesn't approve of me (or our dad for that matter) because my brother has basically cut me out of his life. The few times we've spoken since they've met has mostly just been him telling me what I am and am not allowed to say or do in her presence (its a very long list. And also he will never play any card or board games with me again. seriously wtf?! Cribbage used to be a family favorite when everyone got together for Christmas etc. Not anymore... ). I've never really been given any kind of chance to get to know her on any level, since I no longer see them except the occasional holiday when the entire family is together and even then the visit is usually kept very brief.

Often the only time I hear from my brother is on Facebook and its usually something snide or sarcastic or him making fun of me. Today it was something involving my kids. It wasn't something extremely horrible, but he really has no business saying what he did. And I'm honestly so ****ing pissed at him over it. I no longer recognize the person he is. I feel like when they married that instead of gaining a sister, I lost my brother. They treat my dad the same way. I've tried to bring it up a few times with my mother but she just blows me off and changes the subject. I'm at a loss. I no longer know what to do or say about the situation and I feel like he's basically dead to me. Like a should be grieving his death or something. But in a pissed off angry sort of way.

idk. just venting I guess.
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Old 04-10-2018, 04:49 AM   #2
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Default Re: Had it with my brother

It seems that your brother's wife is trying to cut him off from his family... it is insecurity from her part... I really don't know what you can do... your brother is allowing her to act this way... maybe a conversation with your brother can help? Without showing anger or stuff...
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Old 04-10-2018, 10:08 AM   #3
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Well, it's hard to say who is isolating who when it comes to your brother and his wife. His wife may have expressed that she feels intimidated and uncomfortable around his family so he has made a decision to distance because of that. It could be that his wife has social anxiety and he may be just trying to distance because of that too. All you can do at this point is just try to respect these boundaries he has put up even though it seems odd to you. You say he had a difficult time in the romance area so he may be insecure when it comes to his wife and he doesn't want anything to threaten this relationship he has with her.
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Old 04-10-2018, 10:08 AM   #4
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Default Re: Had it with my brother

When you marry someone the one you marry becomes your priority, this is the way it should be. but sometimes when the person that one is married to tends to amplify this to an extreme extent, as frust said, when they have a problem with the in laws.

It may be an unhealthy relationship with her but the truth is it's a tough situation for you because on the one hand you can't really do anything to make him change and on the other hand as you said you feel you're losing a brother.

About the best advice I can give you is this. You've been his sibling (not sure if you're a sister or brother but it doesn't matter), all his life. As the relationship grows more stable (he and his wife's) perhaps he'll come around but in the meantime what you do is cut off the bad treatment of you by not tolerating it. If the only way he interacts with you is with sarcasm, joking and ridicule. Don't put up with it and kindly end the conversation when possible. Walk away. It may mean talking to them less for now but it will send the message that it's not acceptable. If it's in text, end the text conversation by stating matter of fact that the joking is not acceptable and you'll talk to him when he'll be respectable to you again. Phone, same thing. state the same thing and say your good byes. In face to face, walk away if possible. don't make a rant over it, don't do anything drastic just end it and walk away.

No guarantees this works overnight but two things happen. you save yourself the distress of the ridicule escalating your mood in a bad way and you send a message to him and/or her. You'll have less conversations in the meantime but more peace.

Hope this helps.
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