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Old 04-08-2018, 04:26 PM   #1
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Default I LOVE a beautiful blonde girl but I think she's very ill..


A very loving sweet blonde girl with the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, that I think has Schizophrenia, fell in love with me. She wants me to always be near her and says she's gonna k... herself if I go away. She freaks out when I don't answer her after 2 minutes. She always thinks I think she's ugly, and I'm gonna leave her, and thinks someone's gonna hurt me, and her. Says people are outside. Took me a while to actually find out the condition she had. I cry all the time because I LOVE HER SO MUCH but probably we will never be together. I'm completely devastated and my food has no flavour anymore.. Nobody wants to help me, or her, and she's getting worse.. I have a lump in my throat as I write this. She wants babies, and wants to always be with me. Says I'm the only one that gives her comfort, and I'm the only one that gives her hope so she can still keep breathing. I smoke a pack after pack of cigarettes and I lost all hope in everything in life. On her episodes, she can't concentrate. And I have to repeat one thing a hundred times. She often doesn't make any sense and always changes subjects quickly. She often forgets my name, so I have to constantly remind her how to call me. Then she remembers everything about me. My tears are falling on my keyboard as I'm writing this.. My heart is broken into tiny pieces that I can never put together. I can never be the same again. I condemn God for doing this to me, and her. I call her Angel. And I call her my African Jungle Bunny, even though she's White, haha. She calls me Grumpy Giraffe, every day. She often makes videos and photos just for me, and she's so funny and she says she loves me so much and says when she sees me, her chest starts to burn a lot, her knees are getting weak and her heart is gonna burst when I'm away. She often cries on the videos too. Cries that I'm gonna leave her. She has no friends, and everyone calls her stupid, ugly, freak.. It's only me that cares. I watch her videos every day. First thing in the morning when I wake up from sleep. Yesterday I self harmed. I do not wish this to anyone. Even to my greatest enemy. Some of you don't know how this feels. It's the worst pain I've ever felt. And I don't want to live anymore..

I’m from Bulgaria, and she’s from the US. She said if anyone around her finds out she loves me, they’ll lock her away, get her phone, and she’ll die if she doesn’t see or hear me anymore. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and I can’t even breathe.

At first I thought she was being abused, so I went and called a bunch of Police Departments from abroad with my broken *** English. I don't use my English very often so it's a huge cringe for me.

The Deputies understood me, thought she was scamming me, asked me if she wanted money from me, and I said that I actually offered her money and she refused and they said that they can't do anything and she has to file a report herself, if she's being abused.

She told me all these crazy stories, at first I thought they were real. But now, she keeps telling me more and more stories that are just too supernatural to be real. And she does these black drawings.. And, she's hurting. I miss her so much. I love her so much.

I don't know what to do. I want to just move on because that's an immense pain for me and I can't work. But it's not that easy.. I don't know what to do, people.

I can't go like this forever, and I think this is getting nowhere. If she's really ill, her parents can have custody over her which means I will never be able to see her! Because they'll be afraid everyone's gonna use her and abuse her. And obviously she can't do normal daily tasks by herself, so she can't do anything herself about that! But I can't go like that forever, being afraid for her, thinking about her all the time. I'm losing it already. I almost lost a client because of that yesterday and I can't even do my job. I lost 5 kilos since this started.

Today, I told her that I talked to a Doctor, showed him our chats, and he confirmed she may have a mental illness. Most of the people when accused with something like that, especially girls, will just go nuts. If someone says I'm sick, I will just laugh it off and tell him to f off. She answered... "I really want to kiss you right now. I miss you so much. I'm glad you're here. I want to hug you and lie next to you so you can keep me forever warm". I busted into tears because she basically, what she did was... She didn't say no, and actually confirmed that with her reaction.

People, you can't possibly understand how much I care about her..

Last edited by CANDC; 04-11-2018 at 05:02 PM.. Reason: Removed image
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Old 04-11-2018, 08:29 PM   #2
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Hello NEROMARE: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!
May I suggest you introduce yourself to the general membership over on our New Members Introduction forum? Here's a link:

The fact that you and this girl live in entirely different countries, in different hemispheres certainly limits anything you could do here to be of help to your friend. It may be that under the circumstances, and given what your long-distance relationship is doing to you, it may be best if you simply conclude your contact with her as gently as possible.

Still... here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to help a friend or family member who has schizophrenia or other mental illness:

Also... here are links to articles on the subject of long-distance relationships:

My best wishes to you... as well as your friend.
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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Old 04-12-2018, 09:59 AM   #3
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Welcome to PC.

I am sorry for all you are going through.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so.

Your first 5 posts are approved by a moderator before they appear. After 5 approved posts, you will also have access to chatrooms and to the Private Messaging (PM) system.

I hope to see you around the forums.

May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.

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